Cover of the first edition

Cover of the first edition (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I have been informed by other bloggers and a good friend Jocelyn over at http://www.Speakingof China.com; that a woman gave her opinion of dating Chinese men after only one date with one man.  Now we all know you can not do a sample size of anything to form an opinion  with only one sample.   I was told by a Japanese Scientist and good friend that you need at least three in a sample size to make an informed decision about something… at least, preferably more than that, but at least three can give you an idea.

Now… I have been considered quite an expert on the subject of dating Asian men and Chinese men, particularly.  I have dated Chinese, Korean, Phillipino, Vietnamese, Japanese, Hawaiian, Cambodian and East Indian (India to be exact) … and I can honestly say I have the knowledge and experience to tell you about dating Asian men.  I have had very serious relationships with several Asian men that eventually led to the marriage to my current Chinese husband.

Now before I get started I want to let everyone know that I am Black American and I am currently living in China.   That puts a whole new swing on it .. I know. Blows that rumor that they don’t date Black women out of the water doesn’t it?

So first of all….. for you ladies interested in dating Asian men or Chinese in particular; you need to know there is a big difference between ABC men (American Born Chinese) and FOB Chinese (Fresh Off the Boat) ….. I didn’t make up these names they are created by the Chinese folks themselves.

ABC’s are born in American, they are American.   They think like you, they dress like you, they have the same stereotypes as you.    They know what you know and they speak like you speak….. some don’t even know how to speak Chinese.   So if you want to date them… it is like dating any other man in America… some are asses and some are awesome.   Some like very thin women .. some like larger women… some like white girls… (a lot of them do) and some like women of other nationalities.    They have been jaded by the media… and but they still have a little Chinese tradition.    They still respect their parents and listen to them and they still like women that are devoted to them and will make good wives that will give them children and take care of the house.

FOB’s are very traditional in the fact that they date to marry, they are not aware of a lot of the stereotypes and they do not know American culture very well.   Their English may be limited sometimes… and they tend to be pretty shy when it comes to women.   They are not very aggressive for the most part.   They are open to some new things but prefer to stick with what they know.   As for women, they are pretty open to different women as long as the woman likes them, but they are pretty shy so you may not know if they even are interested in you. Because of this shyness they tend to stick with Chinese girls.. because they don’t really know that foreign girls are even interested in them.  They are very strong on tradition of taking care of family and parents.  They usually prefer their women to not go out a lot to the bars, and to stay home and keep a good house for them while they bring home the money for the family.

If you find a man who is currently living in China…he might be more shy that an FOB and even more traditional when it comes to wife and family.

Chinese men and I think Asian men in general tend to be very family oriented and usually date to marry.   They are taught to be the providers of the family so they will work themselves into the grave to make sure their family is financially secure.   They prefer to be the higher wage earner and are big about “face”  they would never want a woman to make them look bad in public.  This makes them feel like they cant handle their woman and they are not a real man.  Because of their devotion to being providers they may be lacking in emotional connections or they may not be as romantic as you want them to be.   But trust in their hearts you are the love of their lives…. even if he forgets to get you flowers on Valentines Day or doesn’t plan romantic dinners.

Chinese men love children for the most part…. they usually feel they are obligated to have children to carry on the family name.  But those things are changing with the younger generation.   Most Chinese men want to marry by age 30 or so, as oppose to the women that must marry before 30 or no man will want them.  (that is a long story and another blog)

A normal date with a Chinese man in China that is…. would be dinner and maybe go to a teahouse after so you can talk, then take a walk or drive.  Usually there is no kissing, and definitely no sex on a first date.   If things go well… he will call you and ask you out again and then you are most likely considered a couple.   He is on the marriage path as most Asian men are…. so if you are not willing to get married or you are just playing around…. Chinese men are not for you…..

All the Chinese men…. ABC, FOB or still in China… are looking for marriage… so it will be in the for front of their minds.   Don’t let it scare you .. you have been warned…..If they take you to meet their parents… it means they are very serious about you and you are close to the proposal stage.  Parents approval is very important to Chinese men.   It can make or break your relationship.

If the parents like you …. you should start hearing wedding bells soon… if they don’t… well… there are about a million single Chinese men around the world looking for wives.

Personally, I like the traditional thinking…I like the fact that a man wants to provide for me and take care of me.   I like the fact that he is thinking about the future and not just about a one night stand.  Personally…. I like a man who treats me like a woman.

I think that is the biggest difference between all Asian men and non-Asian men… they still treat women like women…. like they are the weaker sex… like they need to be taken care of ….and cherished.   Maybe they havent caught on to the women’s equal rights thing… or maybe they just don’t care… but they really are the head of the family and decision makers… but they still respect their women’s’ thoughts and ideals.

I guess that being said.. if you are a feminist Asian men are not for you.   If you don’t like to be taken care of … Asian men are not for you….. and if you don’t like to have a man pay for your dinner and buy you things…. Asian men are not for you.   If you like to just do things for yourself… Asian men are not for you.

So to sum it all up….. Chinese men and Asian men in general are traditional, family men.   That is not for every woman….. but for me… it is refreshing and stable and welcoming.

until next time….