How did you and your husband meet? Could you write more about the romance of Chinese men and what dating them is like? -Kristin
I will try never let down my readers.. so As requested I will tell you how my husband and I met and .. more about dating Chinese men and what it is like. This could take a couple of blogs.. so I will start with my marriage then continue in another blog.
Since my marriage to my Chinese husband I have gotten several requests on how we met and how this crazy thing called love happened between us.
Long, Long ago.. in a land far, far away….. (smile) .. just teasing…actually it is an interesting story I will kind of give you a short version about it… because.. I have been convinced to finish a book on my life and experiences here in China this year and some of this will be included.
I came to China 2 years ago, in the quest for a better life. With the economy the way it was in the states and the closing of the bank that I was the VP of things were not looking good. So, no matter what anyone might think I did not come to China to find a husband. I came to China to find a job.
I figured if I taught English for a while here, I could make some connections and eventually start my own business. Since, I was a business woman at heart and go back to the states and be successful.
When I got to China I was a little disappointed at first. Every thing I took for granted at home was missing.. and it seemed like I had to do everything the old-fashioned way. Even washing clothes by hand, and cooking on a gas stove that used propane to the basic shopping for food, it was not fun..still isn’t but I am more use to it.
Nothing was as I thought it would be. I was a little bit bitter about it and kind of lonely. Don’t get me wrong, I made some good friends at the school and they tried to kind of take care of me. By taking me out to the few clubs that were around, and some tea and coffee houses, however sometimes they were busy and I would sit at home alone wondering why I had come to China in the first place.
I had started going to the small bar by myself, and I started becoming a regular making friends with the bartenders, waiters and security people. It came to the point that they would call me on some nights and ask me to come out in Chinglish, of course. While I went there a few nights a week to kill time, I stated to get close to some of the people who worked at the bar. One guy in particular was really sexy and gave me a lot of attention. He started to call me regularly and even come visit me at my apartment. (this was not my husband now)… after few months of dating this guy. I begin to notice that he wasn’t quite what he seemed. He would never be around when I wanted him to be, but always wanted me around when he called. He seemed to disappear for days at a time with no explanation and was always off playing Mahjong and gambling. But because of how he looked and the sweet words that came out of his mouth I just couldn’t leave him alone.
One night he called me to the bar, that he worked at by the way, and told me to wait for him. While I was there hanging out with one of my girlfriends that happened to be there also, a guy came up to me grabbed my wrist and said let me buy you a beer. Well, I took a look at this guy. He wasn’t very big, wore black rimmed glasses, and only had on a t-shirt and jeans but the fact that he spoke English kind of impressed me and I wasn’t doing anything special anyway so I said sure. (this is my husband)
He began to ask me the normal Chinese questions… where are you from? Do you like China? Are you single? .. when I got to the are you single part.. I told him yes.. well.. I wasn’t married, and my on again off again boyfriend was nowhere to be found, after I had been waiting at the bar for about 3 hours.
The guy was funny and sweet and said he had seen me there a couple of times but I was always with people so he didn’t get a chance to say hello to me. We spoke for another couple of hours then I told him I needed to go. He asked me for my phone number, and I was like sure. Then he said call me anytime I get bored or want to do something. I said okay I would.
I left and took a taxi home arriving at about 1am and still had not heard from my unreliable boyfriend, even after I had been calling him all night . At 1:15am.. I got a call from him stating he was busy and wouldn’t be able to come see me. I figured as much and just hung up on him. (I was really strong when he wasn’t in front of me with that sexy smile)…I am 40 years old .. why am I putting up with crap from a 30-year-old. I was very pissed and wanted to just talk to someone who would make me feel better. However, at 2 am who was I going to call. Then I thought about the guy I met at the club, he was probably still up seeing as the bar didn’t shut down until 3 or 4 am.
I decided to call him, he answered on the first ring. (smile).. I said do you remember me from the club.. he said of course. I said are you sleeping he said No.. then I said.. I just wanted someone to talk to. He told me he was thrilled to be at my service.. we talked for about 2 hours about everything that came to mind. We laughed so hard we were crying. Until finally I had to tell him that I had to work the next day and I had better get off the phone. He agreed and asked me if he could call me tomorrow. I said sure.
The next day and every day following that he called me three times a day seven days a week just to talk or to say good morning or good night. He took me to dinners, tea houses, and even to see different traditional sites in town. I had pretty much forgotten all about my loser boyfriend by now, it had been weeks since I had spoken to him and he had not bothered to call me.
One night, as Michael and I were walking around the city center, my cell phone rang. Yes, you can guess it, it was my “boyfriend” calling me. I wasn’t going to answer but he kept calling, until Michael said aren’t you going to get that? I kind of looked at him and said no .. this is your time. He said go ahead it might be important. So I didn’t have a choice. I answered the phone with the word..WHAT! … my boyfriend asked me why I hadn’t called him. I lost it.. why haven’t I called you.. hello? Why haven’t you called me? I laid into him and called him every name I could possibly think of .. he told me that we needed to sit down and talk to this in a civil manner. I felt I at least needed to break up with his sorry ass in person, so I agreed to meet him the next night for dinner.
After I got off the phone, I saw Michael sitting a little ways away from me on the park bench waiting patiently. I walked back over and said.. sorry about that.. he said no problem.. was that your boyfriend? I really didn’t know what to say…(smile) .. I told him.. yes and no… he is a loser .. but until I break up with him I guess he is still officially my boyfriend… sorry I didn’t tell you.
Then Michael said to me.. that’s okay.. because .. I have a girlfriend. I almost hit the ground with that one. I wasn’t expecting it. I said.. what?
He said yeah.. I was going to tell you about that tonight.. then he explained to me that his parents had set him up with this girl that he was supposed to marry. However, he didn’t love her and she was useless. He said she didn’t work, or clean house, or do anything for him. She partied all the time and sometimes never came home. So they lived together… too.. this was not good. But what could I say.. I didn’t tell him about my boyfriend.. so I couldn’t really yell at him and anyway.. he was spending a lot of time with me.. so how much could she really matter to him.
We continued to talk about our relationships to each other and how terrible they were. He would listen to my complains and I would listen to his. He walked me back to my apartment.. where he had never been. I invited him up for some tea and to continue talking.
Well.. one thing led to another.. and .. he stayed the night. The next morning we agreed to meet after my dinner with my boyfriend to talk.
That night .. I met with my boyfriend and he was dressed to the nines and looked amazing. He was telling me how much he loved me and that I meant the world to him. He was apologizing for everything and said that things would be different. (in my mind.. I knew he was full of shit) but I just couldn’t stop staring into his eyes… and watching his lips.
I had to get away from him. So I walked out of the restaurant and just left him in there…. Once I got outside.. I called him and told him that I couldn’t do this anymore and I broke up with him.
When I got home I called Michael..he asked me if he could come over.. I said of course.
When he got there… we laid down on the bed and he had his arms around me and asked me how the dinner went. I told him everything .. then I told him… I broke up with him… He looked at me and only said…GOOD… he stayed the night again.
After that night..I didn’t get a call from Michael for 3 days… I was confused. I called him and he didn’t answer the phone.. he had never done this before. He usually called me every day like clock work.. you could set your watch by it. So exact that my co-workers would even tease me about the calls. But for some reason.. he wasn’t answering or calling. I was worried.
On the 4th day, I got a phone call from him.. I was like.. where have you been.. I tried to call you like 100 times. He said can I come over.. I was like okay? .. I was a little confused and worried ….he didn’t sound right.
When he came over he sat down in the chair and said to me.. I have bad news and good news… I was like what is the good news… he said… I broke up with my girlfriend. (I was beaming of course).. then I asked what is the bad news.. he said.. I have no place to live, she kicked me out.
He told me he could go back home to the village to live with his parents if he had too but it was not really anything he wanted to do. I told him.. why did you break up with your girlfriend if you knew you would not have a place to live? He said to me… I spent some time to myself just thinking about everything… you and me and me and her and my future. He said you are everything I want in a woman, I can see my future and my life with you. She has nothing I want in a woman.. and I cant see any future with her. She doesn’t match me.. you do.. and I want to be with you and have a future with you in it.
I then said to him… don’t worry you do not have to move back with your parents.. you can live here with me. He said are you sure.. I said yes I am.
Then that next day he moved in. He had been living with me for 2 months when my boss called me into his office. He said.. Jo.. you are moving, here and he threw some keys at me. I thought what did I do? He said be out of your apartment in the next two days. I was shocked but I said okay.
When I got back home.. I told Michael we have to move.. he said okay?.. we went to the address of the apartment where my boss told me to go. I opened the door and the apartment was 3 times the size of the apartment I currently had. They had giving me a bigger place to live. Michael started laughing and said.. that’s Chinese way.
The next day I went back to work and my boss said did you see the place.. I said yes.. thank you.. he said.. you and your boyfriend need a bigger place you guys cant live in that little apartment. I thought how did he know my boyfriend was living with me?.. but in China people talk a lot.
After we had moved and were settled in .. 3 months later I was at school and one of my co-workers said to me. When are you getting married? I said married? Who said anything about getting married? .. she said.. it is Chinese tradition that if you move in with a woman or a man.. it means you will marry them very soon. I said .. your kidding me… she said no.. Michael didn’t tell you. I said nooooo… he didn’t say anything about that. She said, it is true .. that is traditional Chinese thinking ask him.
You bet your ass I was going to ask him…
So when I got home that night.. I asked him.. .Honey I said..in my sweetest girlfriend voice…. in China when you move in with someone does it mean that you will marry them? He was sitting on the sofa watching tv.. and he said without looking at me… of course.
My mouth fell open… I said.. are we getting married? He said.. a little aggravated… yes we are getting married… you should know that.. why would I be here with you, and why would I have told you that I wanted my future with you if we weren’t getting married.. silly girl. Then I said.. a little pissed…. were you going to tell me? Or should I say ask me? He then looked at me.. I guess he could tell by my voice that I was not feeling very happy any more…..and said .. you seriously didn’t know? I said.. seriously.. I had no idea. He said.. oh.. I am sorry Honey… Then he turned off the TV.. walked over to me and grabbed me in his arms, kissed me on the lips and said… Will You Marry Me and make me the luckiest man in China…? I looked him straight in the eyes and said… No… I will marry you and make you the luckiest man in the WORLD!….he started laughing and kissed me.
6 months later.. I met his parents.. (that is another blog).. and then a month after that we went thru the long process of getting a marriage license in China. (yet another blog to come).. we have been together married and happy ever since.
Not one time, in this relationship or marriage had we ever thought that we made a mistake or that it was too fast.. or anything else that others might think. We talk about everything, we have fun together, we understand each other and we support each other in every way.
Just like my grandmother told me .. once.. be careful what you wish for.. you just might get it….
until next time…