Yes.. As with every marriage that is healthy my husband and I have arguments. Actually, it isn’t really much of an argument because I am doing the arguing and he is doing the confused …”what-did-I-do” Look..
Here is how it begins… we were to meet some friends and colleagues at a bar not far from our home after work. The whole way to the bar my husband, Michael, was complaining about how he could have just stayed home and rested instead of meeting these people to watch the FIFA soccer game…(by the way.. Brazil vs Netherlands….Brazil lost…damn it) .. I move on… ahem...
When we arrived, there were so many people we could barely find our friends and there was supposed to be about 15 of them there… finally spotting one or two.. we pulled them outside the bar..(it was burning up in there with all those people).… and talked outside the door.
As they were going back in… I felt that I really didn’t want to go back in there.. and deal with all those people for a soccer game that really wasn’t that important to me…. so as my husband and I stood outside debating on what to do… (he also was complaining about the people and saying I told you so…).. my husband’s phone rang … with a text message…“We are at 88 club, want to meet us?” This came from my friend/ student. My husband said… I just got a text from Flower (names have been changed to protect the innocent)… I said really .. why would she text you and not me…? He said .. I don’t know… .. then he said… (and remember these words because this was the beginning of the end).... he said… Why don’t you stay here and I go meet her at the club 88?... Now what part of this question should he have kept in his head…. okay .. I will help .. all of it…
I looked at him…. and I said... I don’t know why you would think .. that I would let you go by yourself to a bar after a woman invites you and you alone. Do I really look that stupid….? (that question was rhetorical however he answered with NO?) I rolled my eyes and said.. you are not going by yourself… I don’t know Chinese way.. but I do know American way… and your ass is not going without your wife.
He groaned and said okay, okay… we are not going.…Then he quickly sent a text back saying he was at another bar with me. She said .. he can bring me along...But he said.. let’s go home… oooooo now I was really upset… he was all excited about leaving my ass at this bar.. but when he had to take me .. he was singing another tune.
As we were walking back home in silence.. he said to me… Do you want to go meet Flower… she did say you could go too… ? I said.. I already told you we can go.. just you are not going alone. He said.. okay, fine…kind of snooty like
So we caught a taxi and headed to the club…. You would think the drama would end here .. wouldn’t you? Well that would be too easy for me… no it got worse….
We arrived at the club… the music was jumping… the wait boys were wearing black muscle shirts with red farmer-in-the-dell bibs… (don’t know what that was representing) The girl were dressed in tiny ruffled skirts with mid-drift matching vest tops… in various colors.. maybe this was their version of Hick night or something.. I don’t know… but the music was a mixture of hip-hop and dance club mixes. On the bouncing dancing floor were a lot of people … just… well… bouncing around… (I hope they didn’t call that dancing) .. anyway…. my student/friend… saw us and ran to grab my hand and pull me to the private booth she had booked for the evening. In the sectional bright red sofa, surrounded by candle light.. I saw… 8 girls.. 1 wait boy staff member and one man. uh.. this was totally uneven… 8 women with 2 guys if you count my husband… yeah… that aint happening….
They had evidently been at it for a while because they were rather toasted, but they all stood up one by one.. introducing themselves. I turned to my husband.. who had this large grin on his face ..like he has just walked into his own harem of older women… (yeah.. the age range of these women were from 32 to42 years old) and my husband .. being attracted to older women… was totally thrilled. I looked at him.. with the I told you so look…. you know the one.. with my lips perched together and my eyes saying… try me tonight and watch what happens.
The night was going okay.. everyone took turns seeing how much beer they could try to out drink with my husband.. (I am not in a habit of drinking their watered down beer) so that wasnt a problem. After about an hour of drinking games and contests.. they were pretty well toasted.. and started dancing.. a couple of the girls pulled me out to dance with them…. (yeah they do the all white girls dancing in a circle thing too…must be universal) … and since I had 4 classes that day in row, was very hot in the previous bar, had walked about 4 blocks in the heat.. I wasn’t really up to clubbing.. however.. I wasn’t leaving my husband alone with all those women….
Now mind you.. I am not overly jealous… but… I am not stupid either… You don’t leave your man alone with another woman… especially 8 other women and expecting things to be all hunky-dorry….especially since they have been drinking their asses off. (and by the way .. chinese people are light weights)
I shall proceed… so I am doing the little two-step dance, which is just about all you can do.. on a bouncing dance floor, and noticed people pointing and staring at me…. I was really not in the mood to deal with the stupidity of people who had never seen a black woman dance this night…. I don’t know if they thought I was going to start breakin’, poppin’ and lockin’ or what…. I just got tired of it and went back to the sectional couch. Where my husband was no longer perched….. Now mind you, there were about…. 300 Chinese folks or more in this club… and the lights are off with .. the laser light show going on…. On another night, I might of thought it fun.. but tonight I wasn’t feeling the love.
I scanned the club.. to try to spot my .. Chinese husband in a crowd of Chinese people… while I was staring out into a sea of faces.. my husband came up beside me and said.. what are you looking at…. ? I said I’m looking for you.. he was like oh… I could tell by his speech .. that he was through… I said.. let’s get ready to go… he said come with me to the bathroom. *OH… side note.. the bathrooms share a lobby with open doors to the stalls for the mens and women’s squatty-potties.… so everyone can pretty much see everyone else’s business… we went to the bathroom lobby and he said.. he was okay.. and don’t worry we can leave in 30 minutes.. he would just say good-bye to everyone.
I said okay… we went back to the sofa.. and my husband started doing his little lean back .. dance that he does… well that everyone does here.. (kind of leaning forward and backward in time to the music).. at least he was on beat and every now and then he would throw his head and arms into the mix… it is kind of cute little dance…. and contagious….
Soon he had a row of about 4 people doing the same dance in time with him… after a few minutes.. they all sit down except my husband.. and this one … ahem.. woman… who had some how gotten closer to my husband and had her arm around his waist…. and his around hers… (now it gets good) … I just kind of ignored it.. because I figured they were just dancing together… so I turned away.. when I turned back…. She had moved to be in front of him.. and had her arms around his neck … and his arms around her waist..you know.. like in middle school.. but her hips were moving more than just side to side. Well.. boys and girls..…
I learned long, long ago.. to look the whole situation, and not jump to conclusions before I react..(you know when you assume…blah, blah, blah) so I watch for all of 2 minutes .. when she leaned into him…. I lost it….
PICTURE THIS.. CHINA JULY 2, 2010… young 27-year-old Chinese man, around 100 pounds, about 5’5… a very thin, I would say 33ish, Chinese woman with short, dyed brown hair, about 5’2…. and a pissed off, size 14, 5’3, full-figured, Black American woman… standing together in a club filled to the brim with Chinese people…. I snatched his arm .(yes.. snatched) and jerked him away from her.. and I pushed him behind me… gave her a dirty look, a growl, and a fake jumped at her..just to scare her … and turned back to him.. grabbed him by the face and said in his ear through gritted teeth… BRING YOUR ASS ON OUT OF HERE .. UNLESS YOU WANT TO LOSE MORE THAN JUST….”LOSING FACE”….then I walked away toward the exit……Unfortunately, I needed my purse, which was on the now hated red sectional sofa… if I expected to take a taxi home… sooooo… I had to turn around and walk back in there….from the foyer.
As I slowly returned, I saw that the little red sectional was all a twitter….. people where grabbing on each other.. yelling and screaming… and my husband was standing there trying to text someone .. as these women were pushing him back and forth trying to get to each other…
What the Hell….? I walked over and picked up my purse and turned to leave.. when my husband tried to put his arm around me.. I pushed it off.. and my drunken student/friend.. was screaming at someone and trying to get me to wait a minute. I was done…. done..
I walked out of that place… fuming…. and of course… my husband came running behind me asking me .. what was wrong and what happened.
Now this tells you people for sure that …. Men are men, no matter what country, nationality, color.. etc. How was he going to ask me…. what was wrong?
I just kept walking and flagged down a taxi while he was telling me to calm down and tell him what he did? Inside the taxi… my phone rang and it was my student/friend… I didn’t answer… she then called my husband.. he answered and told her… don’t worry .. I was okay.. and have a good night.
When we got home, he said to me.. I don’t know whats wrong with you? I looked stunned… I said.. you really, don’t know? he shook his head… I said everything did tonight was okay? silence… I said.. okay… first of all please admit that I was right about not letting you go alone… He did say .. yes.. I was right and it was good he didn’t go alone.… Then I said… now.. If the role had been reversed and I arrived and there were all men there, and I acted the same way that you did tonight.. you would have been okay with it…..? He fiercely said… NOoo… I would kill you….so I looked him straight in the eye and I said…. THEN WHY THE HELL .. DO YOU THINK IT IS OKAY FOR YOU TO DO IT? WHEN IT WOULDNT BE OKAY FOR ME TO DO IT? his answer……….wait for it.
“I was just playin'”
Just playin’ he says.. . I said okay… great then next time we go out .. I will just play….. he said.. don’t start that….with warning....I said I don’t want to talk to you right now...and turned away from him.
He said.. fine .. I am calling my dad… (like he was telling on me or something) I said.. .I aint scared call him…call your mama too….(typical female answer of course)
about 20 minutes later… he walked back into the room where I was at the computer and put his arms around my shoulders and tried to kiss me…. I was like.. what??? You have got to be kidding me.….(typical guy move)
I thought you were talking to your dad.. he said.. I did.. and I said.. what did he say….. he said to me….I told my father everything that happened and said that you were angry with me…. and my father said to me… that I am wrong.. and that I shouldnt have acted like that… and that I need to respect you and be kind to you… and remember why I love you and that you love me… then he said I needed to make it right….
So.. ole’ Pops was on my side… interesting… so my husband.. who by the way was still very drunk… mumbled sorry and he loved me… and then told me that the best ways was that I control him and keep him home to avoid problems… and I said.. NOOO… it is best that you control yourself… because you want to….not because I tell you too…He nodded in agreement.
He said in China it is different.. many husbands and wives play around with their boyfriends and girlfriends… It is very common and accepted.. you just kept it secret and went on with your lives.. . and continued to be married...
I told my husband…. this…
“Honey, I am going to tell you this one time.. and one time only, so listen carefully…. I am not Chinese, I am American and I don’t care what is accepted… or what is not accepted here in China.. I only care about what I accept and what you accept… and I do not accept you playin’, messin’, or even jumpin’ around with any other woman when you are married to me. If you want to “play” then you can as a single man.. because I will not be here…. and that is the truth…. so make your decision either you want to be with me.. as my husband and act like it ….. or you want to be single.. because.. honey.. I will set your ass free….”
Then I walked away and went in the other room and went to bed. Early, this morning.. he woke me up with kisses.. all over my face.. and told me how much he loved me .. and that he was sorry that he acted so stupid…
He wanted me to forgive him… and remember that he was still a husband in training… and that he would eventually become the best husband there is… but not to be too angry when he slips up…. He said he has learned from his mistakes and will take control of himself.. because he didn’t want to lose me for something or someone stupid.
I, of course forgave him,… and my student/friend called me and also apologized.. she said.. she just has ordered 3 cases of beer and they found out that they couldn’t drink it all .. and my husbands was the firsts one she thought of that liked to drink beer…. she didn’t think about the fact that they were all women… she was just thinking her little brother kind of thing... she didn’t know all this drama would happen... I said.. well next time … send me the text… then there wont be an issue….
In conclusion, as I look over the whole nights events…. Flowers is still under suspect… so..need to an eye kept on her, the Chinese dancing hoe, I mean woman… she was frighted my anger and size… so she will stay far away..(so will many other women.. once this gets around town….(being the only Black American in town does have its few advantages)..My husband… yeah.. he is still in training… and we are all known to slip up once or twice… Overall… I didn’t stab, punch, or snap anyone’s neck with a kung fu move.. so I did pretty well……
I do have one question though…. with my little outburst at the club.. not one security dude came to interrupt… since you know they were all up in my kool-aid the whole night….Hummm.. I guess they wanted to see if I would really go ghetto like they see in the movies…or maybe deciding how many of them I would take out before they stunned me… oh well….. I will have to save that for another time .. when someone catches me on a bad hair day or something…..
until next time…..