When I was asked by my colleagues if I wanted to write something in regards to the “No Wedding, No Womb” I was excited and honored. I am a Black America mother of a 20-year-old daughter and 23 yr old son that were both born out-of-wedlock. I am now living in P.R.China with my Chinese husband.
The funny thing about this NWNW movement is that in China, it would not be needed. Having baby out-of-wedlock is not an option. Here they cannot even fathom having a baby without a husband. It just isn’t done. In the rare case that it does happen you would be a disgrace to your family and your friends and the baby would disappear. The potential shame you would feel would deter it from ever happening. I had a young Chinese girl say to me that I must have gotten married young. I asked why? She said, because your kids are so old. I said you don’t need to get married to have kids… her mouth hit the floor. She couldn’t believe this. She continues to ask me “what about your parents, your family, and the government?” In this country the wedding is always first, even living together before the wedding is not permitted. She told me that in China it is illegal to have a child out-of-wedlock. The government doesn’t approve of it.
Now… I am not saying that we need to become this extreme, but they do have the right idea. This traditional way of thinking use to be OUR way of thinking, not so long ago. I can still remember my grandmother telling me “the best birth control was an aspirin, hold it between your knees” and then she took my butt to church every Sunday.
Those days were when you thought you would die before you had a baby before the marriage, and your parents would make sure that wouldn’t happen, by being all in your business. You would never see a daycare in the schools, or even special school for the pregnant girls.
What has happened to our morals and our respect for our bodies? Where are the family rules that we all had instilled in us when we were kids. Where is the family unit that our grandparents and their parents before had? Something needs to be done. Something needs to change. As in AAA meetings they tell you…the first step is admitting you have a problem. Well I am telling you America there is a problem, not only Black Americans but all Americans. America is the most developed country in the world, and the most powerful in the world but sometimes within all the progress we forget the basics…. Education… marriage…. and family; in that order. Come on people the whole world is watching us.
- ‘No Wedding, No Womb’ puts black women on notice (thegrio.com)
- One-third of babies born out of wedlock (theage.com.au)