Okay… people… As you know I have lived in China for almost three years now.. .and people always ask me… what do I miss about America the most….? I can say.. many things.. like .. Taco Bell, chocolate covered cherries…. girl scout cookies…. and cheese.. but …. being a Black woman living in China… the one true thing I miss is the Creamy crack… yes… for you non-ethnic people…. Hair relaxer… or straightening perm….
I read articles all the time.. about people in America that want to step away from the perms and stop using the relaxers.. and letting your hair go back natural…. well I say…. STOP THIS MADNESS….
Try going three years without a relaxer and see what your hair looks like…. I look in the mirror.. and think.. this is going to be a two comb day… because.. honey.. the first one breaks and I have to break out the second one to finish the job.
I try to braid it.. but after a while.. your fingers just hurt thinking about dealing with it. I know.. your thinking… Jo.. it can’t be that bad… well… it is. There is no hair grease, no hair cream, no oil sheen, no detangler, no pressing comb… and some pitiful looking flat-iron… (no offense my skin-color impaired friends.. but that doesn’t work on our hair) …. I attempted to do the natural thing.. and get some real olive oil to try to loosing some stuff up… yeah.. it just made me drip oil when it got hot outside… People.. it is crazy ….I feel the pain of my ancestors before the creamy crack was invented. I sometimes sit in the corner and dream about it… thinking… remember when my hair was soft and silky…. I could run my fingers thru it. Now .. I could clean my bathtub with it… that is if I had a bathtub in this place.
Ohhh… the horror… of trying to wear a nap-fro ..(that is nappy fro) … the pain of trying to look cute for your husband.. when he is squeezing your head like it is a sponge…. saying “Why does it do that?”
It does not help.. that I am walking around a country where the weaves and wigs are made from their hair. They just throw it around and complain about how unmanageable it is. The Bitches…
So… one day.. as I was sporting a cute.. Asian wig.. yes.. I said it.. wig… and I was looking like Beyonce..(at least in my eyes) … I saw one of my African friends and …. her hair was … dare I say it… straight… Now.. I know that some Africans have some good easy to take care of hair.. but this chick wasn’t one of them…I have seen her with was messed up fros in the past…. so I didn’t even say hello… I just said… Where did you get it?
She didn’t even flinch… she said… Guandong Province…she said .. they have everything there… relaxers, weaves, braid hair.. pressing comb… I said to her… with tears in my eyes.. where is this place that you speak of ….this land of dreams? She who was obviously amused by my cantor and told me that she had a friend of a friend….. that could hook me up. That was it…the answer. Like a golden light that came from the sky.
I quickly got the message out to her and ordered several boxes of the creamy crack. I was not running out just in case.. she got deported or something. I was told it would take three days to get here.. so I was jittery and kind of out of it for a few days.
Then I got the call that my package had arrived… I ran quickly down the stairs to receive it. Then back to my office desk to open it and take a look. Now mind you, this caused a little bit of flutter in the office… they were not sure what I was excited about… but they just wanted to see. (they are quite nosy in China). I opened the package… and there it was …”Dark and Lovely” I saw the silky haired woman on the front. Tears came to my eyes.
My co-workers were confused … what is it? what does it do? why are you crying? ….. I told them.. that it was a Black woman’s secret weapon to beauty…. they were still confused.. but I didn’t care….
So, now… as I sit here typing this blog. I am smiling and looking at my relaxer box…. my hands are shaking and I am afraid to open it. I just want to look at it for a few more days.. before I actually do my hair. Yes, my husband is still thinking I have lost my mind and my co-workers are still confused; but … that little African girl just made my stay in China… 100 times more bearable.
“My Name is Jo Gan…. and I am addicted to .. the Creamy Crack”
until next time…..
- Newly Natural Hair Guide (urbanbellemag.com)
- Hair advice [Debbie Wright] (ecademy.com)
- 5 Features That Black Women Have, That White Women Pay For (urbanbellemag.com)
- Hair Woes: Why I Straighten My Hair (blogher.com)