Drama, Drama Everywhere…


You ever had that feeling that everyone is trying to stop you from being happy or succeeding.  I usually never feel this way.. I alway am a glass half full person.. as most of you know.  However, this Sunday was one of those times that makes you understand why people murder other people… or have strong hate for some folks.

Let me explain… As you all know.. I planned a wonderful party for my hubby.. and I just knew things could go as great as I planned because this is China and they really do not have the concept of planning down yet.

My fellow foreign teacher co-workers wanted to join in on the festivity planning and I was happy to let them.  It started with a wonderful dinner at one of the 5-star hotels in town.  My husband was not able to get out of work and to the restaurant until 1 hour later… I really thought he was not going to make it.  Since we had plans to meet at the KTV across the street directly after and had invited several people to go there.

He did make is finally to our relief but did not seem to be in high spirits.  He ate very quickly.. then we had to leave right way due to guests waiting for us.   This was the beginning of … the Drama… We got there and we had combined the parties between my husband and my co-workers boyfriend since they were so close together and have them both on Halloween.  Sounded good.. in theory.

We had reserved the largest room in the building for our gathering .. only to find that the largest room .. was not very large at all… it was about the size of the average bedroom in the states and we had invited about 20 people.

We had to make do with what we had.. we couldn’t change the venue at this late a time.  Guest were waiting.   We took the room.. and I had picked up the traditional chinese snacks that usually are at every KTV Party…. sunflower seeds, peanuts, watermelon seeds, tofu, spicy chicken feet, and duck head.  Yummy….

My hubby went out to order the beer for the room… 2 cases … and we sat down on the large sectional and chatted awhile.   I realized that we forgot to get the birthday cakes.  So, I grabbed a chinese friend to interpret.. and went to the cashier to order cakes for the room.  Two cakes… and they offered free gifts and fruit tray…. perfect…it would be only a half hour and they would bring it.

One hour later… no cakes.. no fruit.. and no gifts…. and people were crowded into this room.  I quickly went back out and asked where the cakes were.. they said.. ohhh… ten minutes…. (obviously she had forgotten and was trying to cover)…. 10 minute later.. they called me out to inform me that there was only one cake per room.  I told them… i had two birthdays.. a lot of people.. and had paid for 2 cakes.   They said.. well…. we want to see the IDs of the people having the birthdays…. I said.. WHAT?  what does it matter who is having the damn birthdays… I PAID.. for two cakes.. i want two cakes….

They were shaking their heads stating that this wasnt possible…. well.. then I got ghetto.. yes.. I did…. I raised my voice..

Now mind you I usually try not to raise my voice in China because I stand out enough.. but this was really pissing me off.    So I told them… if you do not give me two cakes.. then give me my Fucking money back.   I grabbed the little waiter guy.. by the arm… and pushed him in front of me.. toward the cashier…. and said.. where the hell is the boss.. give me my money back and shove the damn cakes up your ass.

My friend was trying to translate.. but I was speaking too fast and using words she has never heard before.   The knew I was pissed… though.   Soooo.. they quickly said.. okay, okay.. two cakes.. two cakes…. but only one fruit platter… I just look at him and walked away before I hit him.

soo.. that was done…. everything back together.. life was good.. until my husband disappeared.   I noticed he walked out with one of my former students.. but then I did not see him again for a while.  I sent a message to him on his phone at no answer.  The place was starting to clear out little… with only the late nighters left.. When I got the CALL…..

The former male student that had left with my hubby.. called me and said.. .do you need a ride home? I asked him why do you ask me that… where is Michael? He said.. I took him to another party... I said.. WHAT? he said… to me… he had to meet this girl.. and … I interrupted him… what girl?  what are you talking about? I told him.. come back here and take me where you took Michael…. he said… I can’t .. I said yes you can and you better… NOW.

He came back… and I told my friends that I was pissed and I needed to handle some things… they were like… ohhh.. kayyyyy…. I went out to the care.. and this man-child… started telling me a story.. that was about my husband and a girl.. and a relationship they had.. and how he was tired of hiding it from me.. and that all the lies were eating him up inside and he did not want to mess up the life with me … She was younger and more beautiful than me.. and a lot of other stuff…. as he drove me to another KTV…

I was confused… and angry.. of course…. I said is this the place… he said yes… I said.. what room.. .he said… I don’t know… I said… you call my husband and tell him to come down here… or I will go inside this place and knock on every damn door until I find him…. you don’t know me.. I will do it.

He called my husband… and my husband answered and then I took the phone from him.. and said .. where are you? he said... at my party.  Now I was really confused….. I called my foreign friends that were at my husband’s party.. and said.. is Michael there with you.. they said.. yes.. he got here  5 minute after you left…. and he has been looking for you?

I looked at this man who was behind the wheel of the car…. and I said.. take me back to the party .. I need to talk to My husband.   The man kept telling me.. don’t mention it to him.. you will make things worse.. he is trying to break it off with this girl.. and only wants you and loves you…. he just needs time to fix it.

I felt this guy’s story wasn’t quite right…. because ..  I know my husband pretty well.. and he isn’t into younger girls, I also know that in China my husband doesn’t have the Chinese requirements of being a good match nor the money. Also.. he was already back to the party.. and it had only been like 20 minutes how would he have time to do anything.  My husband is not good at lying… I can tell it stresses him out…. So.. something didn’t smell right.


When I got back to the party.. my husband was looking at me .. confused.. like what happened?  where did you go? I told him..let’s go.. we need to talk... he was like… alll riiggghhhttt..

When we got home… I asked him if there was another girl.. he look at me like I had grown horns on my head.  NOO…. what are you talking about?  I said where did you go… he said.. I went down the hallway to talk to a friend I saw and say hello to their KTV room.. for about 10 minutes or so.. you can call them.. i just said hello and came back.

Who is making up this bullshit about me?  So I told him who told me this and the whole story…. he was totally shocked and surprised… and then Angry…

He said he did not know why this guy would say this to me.. or why he would make up such a story… he said… If I had another girl… why would I tell that guy…. ?  or anyone…?   I don’t even agree with Cheating… what is going on here? I said.. why would this guy tell me all those lies.. he said.. I don’t know maybe he wants you for himself.

At that time.. I got a text message… from the guy.. saying… is everything okay… (i wanted to know what was going on too now…..) so I said.. no… I am leaving my husband and moving back to America. He sent a message back.. No, No… don’t leave China... I want you to stay here. ahhhhhhh….the plot thickens…

I gave him some more … I’m leaving and hate men talk.. and even thanked him from saving me.. blah, blah… until he just broke and said….. Okay..  maybe I made a mistake… maybe he doesn’t have another girl… he isn”t a bad guy….I just heard the information wrong… I guess.… .

I lost it…. I said..

“How dare you come to me and tell me a story about my husband to try to break up our marriage.  This is not a game… this is our life.   I don’t care what motive you have behind doing this and I don’t want to hear any apologizes.. I want you out of my life, my face and my world.  If we were in the states I would have beat your ass already.  What gives you the right to try to interfere with our lives.   You are sooo lucky that my husband and I communicate with each other.  If you would have messed up my marriage.. I would have haunted your ass for the rest of my life and then some.”

For the record… I did call my husbands friends to ask them if they saw him.. a they said.. yeah.. for about 10 minutes then he left, he said he was having a party next door.

Haters are everywhere… in all shapes, sizes and colors.   The more you achieve something the more haters you will get.   I guess this was officially the scariest Halloween.. I have ever had….

My husband and I are good ….still together and communicating… and it seems my husband took care of the guy that tried to dirty his name… in the Chinese way.… don’t know what that was… nor did I ask for details. He just said it was handled.

until next time…..


35 thoughts on “Drama, Drama Everywhere…

  1. pearls

    Wow…you’re not employed as a travel writer!!! I thought you would at least have included that into your upcoming business venture repertoire! What a bummer…I guess I have to go elsewhere to get that information…very long sigh! hehehe Just Kidding! Come to think about it, you have so many business ventures either happening or presently in the making that it’s causing the ‘average-minded’ reader that views your blog to become jealous! It seems that some just can’t fathom your successful, stalwart business savvy, resilience in a foreign country where you have 10x more differences coming at you in comparison to your own native country and you’re making it happen in grand and glorious style! You’re a trailblazer and I say…BRAVO…and Thank You for being an encouragement to me!

  2. pearls

    By the way! Chinese people are everywhere, living in many other countries from Africa to South Korea, South America to North America to name a few…not just in China. Wherever they go, especially the older ones who have set up their own businesses, they don’t stray very far from the resemblance of their culture. So, if anyone wants to see what Chinese people look like in the marketplace…just find a Chinatown, sit and observe! They look the same regardless if their locale is behind the Great Wall of China, in South Korea (yes, there’s a Chinatown there too) or in San Francisco!

  3. Hey Jo, it’s very scary when I read it. Why on earth got people so twisted like that >.< Glad you and hubby works it fine. Jia you!!

    P.S: I kept on wondering how your hubby took care of it the chinese way, am bloody curious about it 😛

  4. pearls

    Hmmm! Folks always wanting someone to portray a cookie cutter image just to suit their mode of thinking and to get a rise out of people. That’s more of a narcissistic mindset than an interested viewer!

    Re on. You’ve already posted photos of the various toilets…whats left! A toilet is a toilet…what’s more to see or be descriptive about? That’s just plain crass!

    Re dm…just consider the source! I don’t even need to justify a response to that mentality…it speaks for itself!

  5. Duke Man

    Hi Jo,

    Just wanted to make a comment. I was really excited to come across your blog here. I think living in another country is exciting and I especially enjoy hearing Black people’s experiences. That being said, there seems little to learn about China from your blog. I thought maybe you would have lots of photos and commentary about everyday life and discuss differences between the USA etc. ( Like other folks have done)

    However, what I see on your blog, is you sharing very personal, sensational stories about a life, shall I dare say, spiraling out of control. Several times you have mentioned getting ghetto, when social situations do not go your way. Is this really how a, self-described, former VP of a company handles conflicts? Not to mention how you represent Blackness abroad; yes I know your an individual but we know how the game works. Also it seems that the gaggle of Black women who come to this page, I infer, to live out their Asian male / husband fantasies do nothing but encourage and glad- hand your antics.

    Yes this is your blog and you are free to write what you wish; and yes I recognize that I come here of my own free will, hoping against hope that you have added something useful. Please note that I am not hating on you (black’s tend to overuse this ‘concept’), nor am I jealous of you. Just note that people are curious and want useful information. Take this as constructive criticism; perhaps you should consider your audience more.

    1. @Duke… I want to first say .. thank you for stopping by to read my blog.. now in response to your comment. I have written several blogs regarding life here in china, the customs, the beliefs and so forth. However, My blog isnt to tell you the history of china.. and how I travel around seeing the sights. You can get that from the history channel. My blog is just that.. about my life.. and How I adjust to living in China as a Black woman. Whether you think my behavior is acceptable in situations or not .. is your own personal opinion. I write about my thoughts and my feelings and the things that happen to me here. As for you saying I do not handle conflicts like a “self-proclaimed VP” .. i have to tell you .. that was my job.. I do not lead my personal life like I work. I am sorry you do not find my blog interesting or useful.. but the readers that do follow my blog do. If you wish to experience China as a tourist, I will be happy to direct you to some sites that will talk about the history of china and their monuments. I feel if you are so disappointed in my experiences here in China I will understand if you choose not to continue to read my blog. However, I do not appreciate you critizing my readers just be cause you disagree with the them. Perhaps you should find a website that better fits your needs.

    2. Observant Negress

      DukeMan: You have never said it better. Drama, drama, drama, everywhere? This tells me nothing of “Life Behind The Wall” except that it is the same, really, as “Life On the Other Side, Too.”

      And the stories people choose to share in response to these episodes that are written about here – responses from women who apparently live … in the United States…prove it.

      There is nothing here of daily life or useful information for those seeking knowledge about how to “move about” in Shanghai (or…at least, two hours away from Shanghai). Where are the photos of the shops? Of the streets? Of the transportation? Of bathrooms (having told a story of how to use one, why not take a photo so folks can “see what you mean” based on your own experiences?

      How things are different where you live? Right now, most of the posts here about about things that literally, are not worth writing home about.

      It seems to me that, in part, this post dogs out the Chinese “event planning style” but um, they are the most populous nation on the planet and have lots of large functions. In the States, when I’m planning something, I do shit like:
      1. Go to the venue and “check the size of the room”
      2. Meet with the caterer and “taste the snacks”
      3. Meet with the caterer (again) to “make a price”
      4. Show some respect if I screw up, realizing that if I was the one who forgot the cakes, then I should be patient and accept whatever can be done for me at the last minute.

      … and I’m going to leave alone all the rigamarole implied but deliberately omitted regarding the husband issues…

      All praise, all praise leads to no true inquiry, progress, or knowledge. Such is this blog.

      Let the “hating” commence.

      Be Observant.

      P.S. – Perhaps this is DukeMan and My fault. This is a diary rather than an expose’ of actual “Life Behind the Wall.” In that case, one would need context for all of the said “drama” and that would explain the need for validation that the average reader gets from this – which begs the question: why do you need validation about someone’s “drama-filled” life…all the way from China? That’s sad.

      1. @Observant… Again you have negative things to say about my blog.. why do you continue to read it? As I have told Duke .. if you want a history lesson.. go to another blog. As for my forgetting the cakes.. ACTUALLY.. i didnt.. i was going to get them.. and they stopped me and said .. they can provide. As for all the planning and such you mentioned.. that is not done in china. Everything here is done at the last minute. Unless you are having a wedding.. you can not plan ahead.. it just isnt done. Now.. as for your other comments…

        There is nothing here of daily life or useful information for those seeking knowledge about how to “move about” in Shanghai (or…at least, two hours away from Shanghai). Where are the photos of the shops? Of the streets? Of the transportation? Of bathrooms (having told a story of how to use one, why not take a photo so folks can “see what you mean” based on your own experiences?

        I have mentioned all of these things in previous blogs… I am sorry you do not feel this is acceptable to you.. i suggest you read a different blog. I would hate to disappoint you any further. As for all those photos you are wanting.. you can see them on my facebook page… I am limited to what I can put on this page.. and I am not a tourist to take photos of everything I see. I am a little tired of your complaining.. about the way I write MY blog. As I mentioned before… find a blog that better suits your needs to study China… My blog is focused on life married to a Chinese man in china as a black woman.. so yes.. maybe you have been misled to believe otherwise.

  6. Jules

    Am I the only one who thinks the guy wants you for himself? Sorry, but that line ” …stay, I need you” seems like he is carrying some feelings for his former teacher. He wishes he was in your husband’s place. Othello redux. So glad all turned out well between you and your husband in the end. I don’t care who it is, you can never trust anybody, not even yourself.

  7. jackie

    Sorry it turned out to be such a lousy night for you.

    Have to comment on the piece about the cakes, the waitress “forgetting,” and saying that getting two cakes is “not possible.”

    Whenever something is inconvenient for them, or it’s a question they’ve never faced before, then it becomes “impossible” and what’s unbelievable is that a lot of people actually buy that. Also funny that when you push the issue, the “impossible” somehow miraculously becomes “possible.”

    Here’s a funny story: My American friend was telling me how she went to McDonald’s (in China) to get some ice cream. They were running a promotional blackberry sundae, so she asked the cashier if they could make her a sundae with a little bit of chocolate and a little bit of blackberry. Without blinking, the cashier firmly replied, “no.” Strange, she thought, you’ve got blackberry and you’ve got chocolate, why can’t you just mix them? So she asked the girl why she couldn’t mix the two and the girl replied, “because it doesn’t taste good.”

    Logical, eh?

      1. pearls

        Wow…now they do psychic reading at McDonald’s there in China! I suppose if I try on a pair of high heel shoes that fits me comfortably…the clerk will tell me it doesn’t feel right! hehehe

        God forbid the reaction from them if they hear about some of the food combinations I tested and liked when I was a child. For example, a very good kosher dill pickle with a peppermint stick stuck in it! yum-yum! Hearing that will probably make someone burn incense!

  8. Ami

    It seems that my earlier comment disappeared 😦

    I will reiterate and tell you that I’m so sorry that you went through this. I believe that it was total envy on that guys part. He sees how wonderful a wife you are, doing such great unique things for Michael. Perhaps he doesn’t have that in his life. Misery always likes company and I’m glad that you and Michael have wonderful communication and were able to get to the bottom of the matter!

  9. Sharon

    Oh, my! That was horrible what that person tried to do. It reminds me of people who are so jealous of your happiness that they do anything to bring you down. I’m glad that you and your husband straightened that guy out!

  10. Ami

    Oh my goodness! I’m so sorry that this happened to you Jo. This man was envious. He sees that Michael has such a wonderful wife who loves him and goes to these great lengths to do unique things for him and it probably ate away at his soul. Yes, he wanted to make you feel insecure and create drama to make himself feel better. I have known these types as well. You did all of the right things to get to the bottom of the matter. Communication is always key and I’m glad that you and Michael have that!

    Misery loves company indeed!

  11. Avastacia

    that’s the kinda sh*t people do when they see others happy; they try to “steal” their happiness away form them! i cannot stand haters (i know that technically makes me a hater too, but still)! keep smiling, and screw the backstabbers! just my two cents…

    … and isn’t it odd that this person tells you all this bs DURING the party?! seems like a set up. but hey, at the end of the day, he’s the one w/ egg on his face, not you *^_^*

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