Sacrifices for your Traditional Chinese Husband

When you are married to a person from another country sometimes you have to make some choices that you may not always like because of the culture or the traditions that they have.

In China, the Chinese local people usually never leave their hometown and are usually never far from their parents, sometimes even living less than a block from them if not with them.  There are some exceptions to the rule when it comes to having to leave to find work in another province or city.. but for the most part they never leave their city or town of birth.

The reason for this varies from the responsibility of having to care for your aging parents to staying close to your friends and connections.  As I have mentioned before connections or “relationships” are very important in China for success or just basic living.  These relationships take a long time to build, therefore, you usually know people for a life time before they are considered really your “friend.”  Trust is not easily obtained in China.

My traditional Chinese husband is not immune to these traditions.  In my pursuit to achieve world dominance here in China.. I made some plans to move to the next largest city to pursue a large business opportunity.  I being a very career minded person, was only focused on the opportunity and not thinking about anything else.

I guess I assumed that moving was not a big deal.  Since, I had moved over 3000 miles to the other side of the world… at the drop of a pin.   I was greatly mistaken.

My husband told me he need to have a family talk… (that means him and I talking)… this looked serious.. so .. I sat down to listen to him tell me he did not want to move.

At first I was shocked and surprised.  However, when he begin to tell me the reasons .. I came to the realization that ..” hey.. I wasn’t in Kansas anymore…”  And I was apart of a partnership… and I had neglected to talk to my partner to see if he was in agreement.

He told me that his parents were not happy about us moving 2 hours away… and that in China.. if you move to another city you are treated like an outcast.  It would be difficult for him to make connections and friends for that matter.   He said that we would have to start all over in another city.. after He had been in this one all his life.. and I had been here for going on 3 years.  He reminded me that I had already started making “relationships” and if I wanted to be successful in China.

This realization kind of hit me hard.  I had to make some tough decisions and give up one of my goals.  Sometimes when you are married to a man from a different country you have to sacrifice somethings for the sake of your marriage.

As I have said before… Husband and wives will sometime live in separate cities and lead separate lives… I can’t see this as being a happy life.   I also have to understand that my husband has a large responsibility to his family and their well-being.

Although I am disappointed about being limited in my ability to grow and spread my wings to another city… I am creative enough to find other ways to grow and prosper in the town I am in.

In light of this situation… It has made me think a lot about my future and if my husband will be able to move to the states with me one day.  There are so many things you have to consider when you are married to a person with different cultural differences and traditional beliefs.  Everyday… becomes a learning experience and a challenge.

until next time…


8 thoughts on “Sacrifices for your Traditional Chinese Husband

  1. Elizabeth

    My heart goes out to you. Take deep breaths–and especially lots of walks with friends. I can’t tell you how many of my friends in their early 40s want to run screaming from wherever they are living at the time. That is not to minimize what you are going through, but I have yet to see a case where acting on this impulse has been the right thing, even though it’s brutally hard to stay put when you’re going through it.

    There’s a Stanford study out there that shows that, for women, spending a little quality time with girlfriends helps create more seratonin. That feeling of connection will get you through. (Interestingly, the study showed that men get through stress by being married, because guys can’t talk to their friends about their feelings like women can.) I have a friend here who calls me every few days or so to take a walk or bike ride–sometimes just the two of us, or sometimes in small groups. So now I try to do the same sometimes. Life always seem easier and better afterwords! Best of luck!

  2. pearls

    I know…sometimes marriage and family is about making difficult sacrifices from time to time! At the present, it’s like a hard pill to swallow, yet the outcome of your decision will be well worth it, even if its not evident right now! So, be encouraged! I believe that won’t be the only opportunity for your dream to come into fruition; where both you, your husband, and your families will reap the benefits.

    1. I can at least credit myself with one thing .. and that is that I can adjust to change pretty easily. Although… my plan has been changed.. I am positive that my goals of success here havent. Thanks for you support.

      1. pearls

        I, also give you credit for adjusting to change easily and really admire you both! I’ll say that you scored very high marks with your husband and his family, too, once he told them how the discussion and its outcome went! This is just my thinking…but, your response won’t go unrewarded by them. Plus, your in-laws will have more to brag about to their relatives, neighbors, and friends regarding how special you are as a daughter-in-law!

  3. Wow, I’m sorry you had to give up on one of your dreams or rather aspirations but I’m happy to hear that you talked with her husband and listen when needed. I’m sure you will find other endeavors, which I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you about.

    1. sometimes… communication and sharing each others feelings and thoughts.. are more important.. than following my own personal aspirations… and my husband knows.. I have a whole bag full of aspirations… hehehehe… so I will be okay.

  4. Lorraine

    I know this is hard for you but I admire your strength and courage. As an unmarried inexperienced woman, I would have said: “Girl, do what you want to do.” That was until I was married myself with children and realized that I could no longer pick up and go like I did when I was single. That is if you love and respect your husband you don’t. Life as is marriage demands compromise.

    The task now is to be so creative that you will bring wealth and prosperity and maybe even have enough to provide for the parents and some extended family.

    A friend’s wife recently brought her entire family from India. Mother, brother sister and her family. They love the opportunity but scary for sure. Nothing will take them back once they saw the comforts that even humble living here is so much more than they had in their native land.

    So whether you do it here or there, maybe you can work towards that end and have enough comforts that they would not mind traveling to see friends and family or not.

    I am praying that it all works out well for you all.

    1. I know .. back in the day.. I would have said.. whatever.. I am going to do what I want to do… but you learn as you get older, and married, and transplanted.. that somethings are just done differently.. than when you were single. I will work it out though…

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