I know this has been on a lot of people’s minds when they hear that I am a Black woman and I am married to a Chinese man. One of my good friends over at http://www.speakingofchina.com answered a questions about the topic on her blog that I have posted below. However, before you read her very insightful and true opinion on the subject I wanted to tell you my experiences.
I have am not sorry or embarrassed to say that I have dated several types of Asian men. I am admitting that in my past I have been on a quest to find my Asian prince charming and kissed .. and um .. other things .. a lot of frogs along the way. I have experienced some of the stereotypical Asian men and I am sorry to say I had to count a few tiles on the ceiling to wait for it to be over. But I have also experienced some amazing lovers. I can recall a young Japanese man that left me pleasantly satisfied and had me following him around for months. I also have had a Vietnamese man who was quite apt in making sure I was completely satisfied before he himself was. I kept him around for over a year. My husband has good days and bad days like most people. But usually tries to make sure I am satisfied and even asks me afterwards just in case he needs to prepare for another round. For the most part it depends on the man.
Some Asian men really want to prove that they are not the stereotypical small penis Asian man who all the westerns talk about and they will go the extra mile to make sure the woman is happy. But as my friend states in her blog most Asian Cultures are not open about sex they see it as just what they need to do the reproduce or what they do in secret.
Nowadays, the younger Chinese men are finding out that there is more to it. Yellow movies, or porn movies are sneaking into China and sex stores are being open in dark corners under secret, so more and more men and women are finding out the joys they can have. Although, pink houses or prostitution has been around China for decades it was something that bad women did and men paid for not something you would do with a “good girl” or your wife. Times are changing, trust me I know. When I first came to China (before my husband), I did not have any trouble with Chinese men wanting to do their best to please me. I even had to tell a few that my legs do not do what you saw in that movie… slow it down mister.
The age old question: Are Chinese men good in bed? I would say some Yes and some No. But like any man of any nationality…there are good ones and bad ones. However, I have found that the more you love someone the better the sex really can be, because when you have sex you include your heart.
Please enjoy the article below and visit her website. Although, she is not a black woman but she is American and married to a Chinese man and has a lot of information for those of you interested in dating Asian.
Enjoy the eye candy while your here!!
sex in singapore asks:
Any idea why my Singaporean (Chinese) lover is so terrible in bed? He is 35, has had long term relationships, has been exposed to the west as he is a successful producer and has been all over the world, he is exposed to the concept of good sex through films and media… so why is he so clueless? He doesn’t even try. In the past his gfs have been Chinese and Singaporean.. When I asked Chinese friends they say in Chinese culture men are less romantic and more passive and don’t want to give pleasure to women. Others say Asians are just not as passionate as in european countries for example. Again I find this hard to believe, I am sure there are many Asians who know what they are doing.. but I do hear western men talking of their Chinese girlfriends and how they have never had orgasm etc. I am interested to know what you think of Chinese/Asian sexual relationships and whether it is in fact normal for the sex to be so … bad? I think this is unlikely and I think it is simply that my guy for whatever reason is just totally clueless. But can any generalisations be made on this subject? thanks!
The best sex I’ve ever had has been with Chinese men (including my husband). And that tells me that there are plenty of wonderful lovers to be found among the sons of Han.
Still, while I’ve experienced the best of times in bed with Chinese men, I’m willing to admit I’ve had my worst of times too. And a recent sex survey did say that Chinese men feel less satisfied as a whole with sex than Westerners.
But does that mean bad in bed is the norm? Or that Chinese men are less passionate or romantic as lovers? Those are questions that I bet the “Asian men have small penises” camp would love to jump on.
Personally, I think Chinese men have the goods and ability to be truly sexy, and truly great lovers. So what’s the difference then?
Well, Chinese men live in a culture where sex is much more of a taboo.
Take my husband, for example. He grew up in a home where love was expressed indirectly, where no one ever hugged or kissed in public — or even hugged or kissed him. His parents never talked to him about sex or dating, and sex education at school was a joke (he had to learn about it from late-night radio shows, his friends, and later the Internet).
Or what about my first Chinese boyfriend? The first time he had sex with a girl (not me), he had no idea what to do, and she had to show him how. (I will say he turned out to be a fantastic lover, despite this story he told me).
Because of the generational gap between Asian fathers and their American-born sons, Asian men often miss out on the dating tips most American men get from their dads.
While he wrote that with Asian American men in mind, chances are, Chinese men in China aren’t getting any dating tips from their dads either.
When it comes to sex, I think Chinese men are probably not as well-informed by their families, schools and the culture as a whole. And they’re generally not socialized to talk about sex or express their sexuality.
So, for some men, that can lead to problems — one, that he’s too sexually repressed to perform well; or two, that he’s less likely to communicate about sex in bed. Believe me, movies don’t enter into the equation. He could watch the most accomplished sex scenes in all of cinema — but if he doesn’t allow himself to be sexual, or to talk about it, it’s going to be that much more difficult to be good in bed.
Remember, these are simply potential problems for some, but not all, Chinese men. After all, if all Chinese men were so terrible, how is it they’ve still given me the best sex I’ve ever had?
until next time…
- China Announces a New Approach to the Sex Trade (bigthink.com)
- 10 Things Women Don’t Know About Men and Sex (socyberty.com)
- Chinese men have more sex than Westerners but feel unsatisfied (punjapit.wordpress.com)
- Asian sex gangs: ‘Culture of silence’ allows grooming of white girls for fear of being racist (dailymail.co.uk)
- Top 10 chinaSMACK Headlines of 2010 (blogs.forbes.com)