Sex with a Chinese man

I know this has been on a lot of people’s minds when they hear that I am a Black woman and I am married to a Chinese man.  One of my good friends over at answered a questions about the topic on her blog that I have posted below.  However, before you read her very insightful and true opinion on the subject I wanted to tell you my experiences.

I have am not sorry or embarrassed to say that I have dated several types of Asian men.   I am admitting that in my past I have been on a quest to find my Asian prince charming and kissed .. and um .. other things .. a lot of frogs along the way.    I have experienced some of the stereotypical Asian men and I am sorry to say I had to count a few tiles on the ceiling to wait for it to be over.  But I have also experienced some amazing lovers.    I can recall a young Japanese man  that left me pleasantly satisfied and had me following him around for months.  I also have had a Vietnamese man who was quite apt in making sure I was completely satisfied before he himself was. I kept him around for over a year.  My husband has good days and bad days like most people.  But usually tries to make sure I am satisfied and even asks me afterwards just in case he needs to prepare for another round.  For the most part it depends on the man.

Some Asian men really want to prove that they are not the stereotypical small penis Asian man who all the westerns talk about and they will go the extra mile to make sure the woman is happy.  But as my friend states in her blog most Asian Cultures are not open about sex they see it as just what they need to do the reproduce or what they do in secret.

Nowadays, the younger Chinese men are finding out that there is more to it.   Yellow movies, or porn movies are sneaking into China and sex stores are being open in dark corners under secret, so more and more men and women are finding out the joys they can have.  Although, pink houses or prostitution has been around China for decades it was something that bad women did and men paid for not something you would do with a “good girl” or your wife.   Times are changing, trust me I know.  When I first came to China (before my husband), I did not have any trouble with Chinese men wanting to do their best to please me.  I even had to tell a few that my legs do not do what you saw in that movie… slow it down mister.

The age old question: Are Chinese men good in bed?   I would say some Yes and some No.   But like any man of any nationality…there are good ones and bad ones.  However, I have found that the more you love someone the better the sex really can be, because when you have sex you include your heart.

Please enjoy the article below and visit her website.  Although, she is not a black woman but she is American and married to a Chinese man and has a lot of information for those of you interested in dating Asian.

asian-men-hunk Pictures, Images and Photos

Enjoy the eye candy while your here!!

sex in singapore asks:

Any idea why my Singaporean (Chinese) lover is so terrible in bed? He is 35, has had long term relationships, has been exposed to the west as he is a successful producer and has been all over the world, he is exposed to the concept of good sex through films and media… so why is he so clueless? He doesn’t even try. In the past his gfs have been Chinese and Singaporean.. When I asked Chinese friends they say in Chinese culture men are less romantic and more passive and don’t want to give pleasure to women. Others say Asians are just not as passionate as in european countries for example. Again I find this hard to believe, I am sure there are many Asians who know what they are doing.. but I do hear western men talking of their Chinese girlfriends and how they have never had orgasm etc. I am interested to know what you think of Chinese/Asian sexual relationships and whether it is in fact normal for the sex to be so … bad? I think this is unlikely and I think it is simply that my guy for whatever reason is just totally clueless. But can any generalisations be made on this subject? thanks!


The best sex I’ve ever had has been with Chinese men (including my husband). And that tells me that there are plenty of wonderful lovers to be found among the sons of Han.

Still, while I’ve experienced the best of times in bed with Chinese men, I’m willing to admit I’ve had my worst of times too. And a recent sex survey did say that Chinese men feel less satisfied as a whole with sex than Westerners.

But does that mean bad in bed is the norm? Or that Chinese men are less passionate or romantic as lovers? Those are questions that I bet the “Asian men have small penises” camp would love to jump on.

Personally, I think Chinese men have the goods and ability to be truly sexy, and truly great lovers. So what’s the difference then?

Well, Chinese men live in a culture where sex is much more of a taboo.

Take my husband, for example. He grew up in a home where love was expressed indirectly, where no one ever hugged or kissed in public — or even hugged or kissed him. His parents never talked to him about sex or dating, and sex education at school was a joke (he had to learn about it from late-night radio shows, his friends, and later the Internet).

Or what about my first Chinese boyfriend? The first time he had sex with a girl (not me), he had no idea what to do, and she had to show him how. (I will say he turned out to be a fantastic lover, despite this story he told me).

I’m also reminded of the Asian Playboy, and what he once wrote about Asians:

Because of the generational gap between Asian fathers and their American-born sons, Asian men often miss out on the dating tips most American men get from their dads.

While he wrote that with Asian American men in mind, chances are, Chinese men in China aren’t getting any dating tips from their dads either.

When it comes to sex, I think Chinese men are probably not as well-informed by their families, schools and the culture as a whole. And they’re generally not socialized to talk about sex or express their sexuality.

So, for some men, that can lead to problems — one, that he’s too sexually repressed to perform well; or two, that he’s less likely to communicate about sex in bed. Believe me, movies don’t enter into the equation. He could watch the most accomplished sex scenes in all of cinema — but if he doesn’t allow himself to be sexual, or to talk about it, it’s going to be that much more difficult to be good in bed.

Remember, these are simply potential problems for some, but not all, Chinese men. After all, if all Chinese men were so terrible, how is it they’ve still given me the best sex I’ve ever had?


until next time…

81 thoughts on “Sex with a Chinese man

  1. Tim

    Good post. I’m a white gay male who has been with my fair share of Chinese men and the most consistent observation I can make is that they’re fast learners. Even if they’re duds at first they’re usually very receptive to direction and will blossom into great lovers with a little guidance. Communication is key.

  2. Very interesting article! It reminded me of what a French female artist friend, who was living in Seattle at the time, told me back in the 1990s. She said that American men were terrible lovers because they used sex as a means of relieving stress. According to her they just wanted to ‘get off’ to relax and then move on to something else. As for French men, she said they could go all night long just in the pursuit of sensuality. While I shun stereotypes in all cultures, there may be some aspect of this stress-reduction scenario playing itself out with men in high pressure Asian countries as well, where job competition is fierce and bosses often expect employees to go the extra mile. Thanks for sharing!

  3. Manons puff

    I love caress feet of boys who come from West, and be caressed by them and heeled by them , and don’t have any more other deeper interests to them 🙂 it’s my situation nowadays

  4. Me

    I totally agree with this, my boyfriend is Chinese, he turned to be the most sweetest, romantic and sexy boy i have never met. In bed i think he still has in mind the stereotypes about small penis, so even i have told him its ridiculous, he still and always make me the best sex in my life, he pays attention in other very very important things to make me feel pleasure before, during and after sex, so western always thing a big one do all the job so.

  5. Pingback: Are Asian Men Any Good In Bed?

  6. Me self ….Greetings! In this time I’m studying first year’ve secure 75% marks in matriculation (o level).I’ve got 1st position in tehsil,district,division, in English speeches competition. I need a job urgent. …Please anyone give me a job…I do all work in which you expect from me. adult nd cute. ..(boy)

  7. Pingback: Are Asian Men Any Good In Bed? | Urban Myths

  8. Rexxar

    I am a Chinese guy in Singapore. Have been searching for true love but my appearance is too down to earth and unattractive. And many girls nowadays looks more on appearance and think alot more about the instant pleasure of sex than true love.

    I am hoping to share my first time and explore further with my true love instead of fooling around as I believe in having the heart but has no luck…….


      It is very hard to find love that much is true but even men just simply by looks they care not about the heart of a women :/ anyways I wish you luck and I hope you find someone

    2. Shantel Clarke

      I think that you are perfect just the way you are many people don’t know what life holds for them but I will say keep being who you are and one day the right one will be there for you

  9. Jigglypuff

    I’m a sex worker who has been with over 200 men, mostly white guys in my personal life and men of all races at work. Asians are always terrible, regardless of specific race. Just…nothing. Dead fish. 1.5 minutes of lifeless pumping before losing their shit. No passion. Embarrassing, as I’m Asian myself and am mortified to learn the men of my race are such duds. At least they’re clean, I can credit them that.

    1. Me self ….Greetings! In this time I’m studying first year’ve secure 75% marks in matriculation (o level).I’ve got 1st position in tehsil,district,division, in English speeches competition. Please give me job…im cute adult…. (boy))

  10. PagalLadki

    My boyfriend is Chinese and my the opposite. He works hard to please me and always succeeds but we never make it to the orgasm because he is too tired. I don’t know how to make it less exhausting for him and make him feel as good as he makes me feel. He is the first man I have ever had sex with so I don’t really know what I am doing and I think this puts pressure on him in some ways.

    1. Emily L

      Expat living in China. My Chinese man is extremely attentive in ways I’ve never experienced from Western men and is the kind of lover I would never leave. I can’t get enough of him.

  11. Western girls having sex an Asian man always admit one thing, the penis size. I am an Asian so I understand about the small penis size compared to black guys. However, the penis size is not everything you need to satisfy your lady. The mindset is the most important. If you have a 10-inche penis but it does not get up on demand, then it is not worth it. Most Asian men have short penis about 5’5 to 8 inches in erection. The most important part is the rock hard erection on demand.

  12. jaydee

    I know my comment will be a bit out of line but I beg to be allowed my say. I have never been with an asian man before (as my husband is italian and I am african) but then the plain truth is that no race on earth can truly say that they are 70% good in bed (in general) as i have been with a lot of nigerian men. There are some that have left me day dreaming of a ‘return match’ while in the same light have had experiences that have left me disgusted! Having a small penis is a disadvantage but not necessarily a bad thing if the owner looks beyond his penis size and learn to make the best of it. I have been with lovers who have massive penis and were clueless on what to do with it! *shame though* your race, skin colour or ethnic name should be put aside, embrace your size, enlighten yourself and understand your lover’s needs and then the ooohs and aaaahs will follow. (This is my opinion)

  13. Hi! I could have sworn I’ve been to your blog before but after looking at some of the articles I realized it’s new
    to me. Nonetheless, I’m certainly delighted I found it and I’ll be book-marking it
    and checking back frequently!

  14. Beautiful

    It takes two to do the tango. Woman learn your mans penis type and learn to move in different position to get the full effect. There is no such thing as a lousy lover. Sometimes the woman has to guide and find that right spot. Ladies the G-spot is only two inches inside the vagina. That means a 2 inch penis can find it! Woman slow your man down and say baby try this or yea right there sweetie. Take your time enjoy the dance. There is no bad lovers. I think Asian men re some of the sexiest in the world. I am a African American woman and I am going on a date with my first Chinese or Asian man on Saturday. If we decide to do the dance…I;M GONNA GET THAT! No matter what size it is.

  15. Laura

    Hi! Im checking allll your posts 🙂
    I need to be up to date if I want to catch-up the other readers. From my side I can only say that I love my sexual life. Best. Sex. Ever.

  16. Pingback: Interracial dating for Asian men | thelonewolftraveler

  17. Judah

    I have a Japanese boyfriend. He pressured me for sex from date 2, practically assaulting me in the parking lot of a restaurant as I was trying to get in my car. I made him wait three weeks and then when it was time for me to put out, he was so pathetic I thought I would cry. He was flapping around on the bed like an eel on a chopping board: Unable to get an erection, his penis was hanging limply in a pink condom. He was grinning like a bonobo as if arousal and jokes were in the same category. He was grinding himself against me, flapping his chest (mistaking it for his groin) against mine like he was doing mini push ups, stuffing his flaccid penis into my vagina, elbowing me in the face, and drooling in my hair. I was really bored but I devoted 2 long hours to watching him fail spectacularly. It was so boring. I managed to coordinate a girls night out with friends while he was trying to achieve an erection. He couldn’t keep still and accept that his penis couldn’t work. Had he been humble about it I would have been helpful but I thought it served him right because he kept insisting on sex like it was his right. Acting like it was a game in which his getting sex meant he was the winner. I wanted to laugh in his face for being stupid.

  18. Hey, I read your post, and I have to say that truer words have never been spoken (read). Myself being an Asian man, my dad actually never gave me the talk, and never told me about dating or what it’s like. I had to go out and actively explore on my own without my dad teaching me about dating. In all honesty, it sucked, but I’m a much better person that I was before, and I’ve been able to have several partners who continually follow me around (WHAT UPPPP! – Barney Stinson)

    There’s a lot of what I like to call, “Sexual anxiety” or “sexual frustration” with Asian men. I’ve experienced it myself, and frankly, it just really blows to know that all of your white friends are getting more sex than you. As I have discovered, there ARE some sexual archetypes of Asian men that women do find attractive. There’s an article I found that does a great job explaining it. It’s right here

    Hope this helps out you Asian dudes reading this 🙂

    Ben J

  19. wooow so lucky enough to drop by and read this one, well I think size doesn’t matter as what they say you should love everything about your partner having a big or small “toy” hahahaha.. if you love the guy or if you find the guy so amusing I think the sex thing will be awesome, bad thing me and my ex broke up hahaha god i haven’t tried his yet!!! hahah kidding!!

  20. I am a Black American woman & I am currently dating a Chinese man (1st interracial dating experience). And let me tell you that his penis is nowhere near small & he is one of the BEST sexual partners that I’ve had!!! I am hooked on Asian men now…Hahaha

    1. Judah

      Happy to hear that. I’ve had my fair share of Chinese boyfriends. Comparing to Japanese men: They’re much more civilised in bed because they’re not Mommas boys and know how to look after themselves. They are trained to see women as fellow humans not toys or sperm receptacles. They also know that a relationship is not equivalent to getting laid ao they know how to relate to a woman and respond to her needs.

  21. Cb

    Like this article!
    I’m sick of stereotypes too! Because I’m a nurse and I’ve seen a lot of genitals! And trust me theres small sizes in every race!

    My husband is Chinese as well and he’s average sized and very romantic.

  22. Long live China

    A woman that makes a best sexual tool is a black woman who treats sex as a tool, that is what exactly that “B-world” means for a woman who makes money by selling her sex.
    While when we come to treating a women, a Asian man’s tool is a moral tool rather than a sex tool. So if you have had sex with more than 3 Asian men ,you have no 资格(qualification) to remark the sex tool of a Chinese man because that tool is just for treating you.

  23. roz

    I never believed in any of these myths about asian or black men especially in regards to sex. It really depends on each person. I have only been with one asian man and he was very knowledgable, and I was always very happy in this area…. hehehehe…

  24. Pingback: Sex with a Chinese man (via Life Behind The Wall) « blackandyellowambw

  25. TotallyAgree

    Thanks for posting about this. Ironically I am from a more conservative culture too (I am not american) and my chinese boyfriend was my first. And vice versa. However I had friends who has slept with asian men and spoken of their… umm.. size and other things. These stereotypes dont paint the exact picture because feelings matter. Since I love my bf, any intimacy is amazing with him. Also he is actually quite curious and happy to please me. We have been together for a yr and there have been very few times when I was unsatisfied. In a way I think its the emotional connection that makes the physical connection special for me. Also the fact that I have nothing to rate him against helps I guess.

    I do agree though, chinese men dont like PDA. Even though we are both in a foreign country, where I doubt anyone would know our families or anything else that might affect face, he is still pretty cautious. However, this doesnt mean we dont hold hands or hug. Which is fine by me coz honestly I get embarrassed with PDA once in a while too. 🙂 And think of it in this way… when u do plant that occasional kiss on his lips in public… it ll be such a adrenalin rush for him. Not the case if he were used to PDA, right?

  26. Woman

    “The age old question: Are Chinese men good in bed? I would say some Yes and some No. But like any man of any nationality…there are good ones and bad ones. However, I have found that the more you love someone the better the sex really can be, because when you have sex you include your heart.”

    This is exactly what I wrote on “Speaking of China” post… well not my words exactly but the thought behind them. And I agree with you. After ten years in China, friends from back home still say, how are you satisfied with their small cocks? It is not the cock that satisfies, it is the man that satisfies.

    Fabulous post!

  27. Not Chinese Wife

    What can I say but agree that while there must be a range of abilities (as there are in any grouping) with some good and some bad – but when it’s good it’s very very good indeed 🙂

    My Chinese hubby is lol … are the superlatives beyond superlatives? Hyper-superlatives?

  28. Zoopath

    Like Ami, my husband is the best I’ve experienced and the only guy to ever er, ah accomplish the “ultimate goal” for me. I thought it was impossible but he did not give up until he figured out how. He doesn’t read this blog so no chance of embarassment 🙂

  29. AsianMAn

    @Elaine : That is funny because I never heard that Black men were excellent “lovers” just that they are rumored to have large genitals. Funny how there is no rumor that can provide for families.

      1. AsianMAn

        I am a Korean American an in his early 30’s. I am tired of people talking trash about Asian men. The white US feminist movement was a reaction against WHITE men, Black Feminism, likewise against Black male oppression.

        So no one can ever tell me that white and black men are so perfect and wonderful. Nor are they ALL great lovers.. What a joke….. I am so tired of these stereotypes.

  30. Elli mac

    wow, this is every insightful and educational as well. :^)
    After reading this. I realize that as Americans and other westerners, we take the showing affection like kissing, hugging, and touching for granted.
    And i was wondering ms. Jo
    When you hug or touch your husband. Does he feel uncomfortable with it? or does he enjoys this kind of attention?

    1. My husband is always kissing, hugging, snuggling and stuff… They dont have a problem with affection.. they just have a problem with PDA (Public Display of Affection) .. they think that stuff should be at home not in the streets. HOWEVER, when my husband has been drinking… that goes out the window… he is always kissing me and stuff.

      In China… PDA is just not really done… especially if your wife is foreign.. unless you want everyone staring and pointing at you…. one day He kissed me good bye .. and we parted in front of our apartment and when I looked up .. the entire city bus that was stopped at the light was staring at us… like we were zoo animals…. most Asian men are very affectionate .. but .. in private.

  31. I’ve been waiting on this post lol. It just seems the stereotype of Asian men being “small” and bad in bed will never die, just like the stereotype about black men being super huge and are excellent lovers will never die (even though I heard that many BM fall terribly short of this stereotype).

    I’m still planning my move to SK (or China, if SK doesn’t work out), so this topic is piquing my interest. Although, it’s going to be interesting seeing that I’m abstinent/celibate . . . how does one know if a man is a great lover or not before doing the deed? I’m glad to see that BW are getting plenty of dates and married in the Asian countries, because others have been telling me that “Asian men don’t want/like BW” . . . proves them wrong!

    1. Ange

      I wonder why it started with Asian men and now going to black men. I have to say that this over sensual culture isn’t the measure of a man/woman, but it is a measure of sick minds in pursuit of pleasure rather than morals. Look at a society where the election of a president hinges over his answers about homosexuality, isn’t that Sodom and Gomorrah????
      The kids can’t hardly play outside without the watchful eye of a concerned parent…there is perversion everywhere you turn.
      At the root of it, is glorification of pleasure over duty.

  32. Randy

    I really need to start dating…… It’s a possibility I’ve been celibate too long hahaha.

    WoW though, this was very insightful. Thank you ladies for sharing such personal details and giving women (like me) who love Asian men and have some curiosities a heads up. It’s really appreciated. Seems I still have a lot to learn 🙂

  33. pearls

    Nothing to say except……

    @Ami…what an avid ‘STUDENT’ you have in a husband!

    @Mrs. Jo…whatever it takes to ‘PLEASE’ you husband!

    There’s nothing wrong with having a husband with the appeal and passion of……

    ‘Indiana Jones-the explorer’ +

    ‘Hercules-strength’ +

    ‘Summa Cum Laude-whatever it takes to excel’ +

    ‘Both Hearts Involved’ =


    Ending with a sultry look and big smile on ‘face’….hehehe!

  34. Ami

    Thank God that I have lucked out and have a husband who is passionate, very loving, sensitive and strong all at the same time. He can express himself emotionally very well.

    He doesn’t read the blog and I would not like to embarass him anyway, but I will say that he is the best that I have ever been with and I had never had an orgasm before meeting him. He has studied and learned my body the way no other has and I am convinced that there is no better for me lol.

    Ok, I may have embarassed him a little and hubby if you ever see this post, sowwy in advance lol.

    1. Ami… since your husband is Chinese… you know exactly what I am talking about… they really want you to be happy and express to them how much you enjoyed the exprience. Oh.. and I have seen your hubby… and you should be very, very happy….LMAO….

  35. Hi Jo, I’m really touched you found my post so insightful, and I also really enjoyed hearing your perspective, as well as hearing some of your own true stories about sex with Chinese men. I like what you said — that like any nationality, there are going to be some people who are good in bed, and some that are not. That’s a really important point for everyone to keep in mind.

    1. Thought i would surprise you… LOL… I was going to comment on your blog but then i found i has so much to say … i would just write it here… your advice to that girl was right on … i hope she listens.

What do you think about this?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s