First time back in America after 3 years…


Well.. as some of you might know I am heading back to America for Spring Festival to see my kids, new grandson, other family members and friends. Everyone in China is asking me if I am excited.  When I sit down and think about this question I am surprised to be slightly confused about the answer.   Yes. ..I miss my kids, terribly and I want to see them and make sure they are okay and see my grandson for the first time.   Yes, there are some family members I miss .. and many friends I want to see again. I miss some of my favorite resturants and dance clubs… But… and here is where the confusion comes... There are things I really don’t miss.  I don’t miss the feeling I get when I am back home.  Let me explain.

In China, everything is kind of new and interesting. Everyday there is something you probably never seen before… there are things that bug you and irritate you but… as a whole most people that you actually associate with are very kind and really care about you, in their crazy odd kind of way, but they mean well for the most part.   And if they don’t like something about you.. you will never know because they will not tell you.  However, in America there are always those people that have something to say to you sarcastically…. or someone to shoot down your accomplishments.  Those people that just cannot see you succeed in something.   Unfortunately, I encounter many people in the states that are like that and will try to say something to bring you down. This kind of crabs in a barrel behavior is not missed at all.

I will also miss my husband.   He is not able to join me this trip due to financial reasons (tickets ain’t cheap when you are on Chinese money) and visa limitations  (it is very slow). So, I will be 19 days without my hubby… but back in time for Valentine’s Day.This will be the first time we have been apart for this long, it will be trying for both of us.

The number one thing I fear the most is…. that I will feel like I don’t fit anymore.   Many expats have told me that when they go back home after living in China or any other country for a good while you start to  have reverse culture shock.   Things annoy you that didn’t before, and some things just don’t feel the same or don’t feel right.    They tell me it will be like your are a person without a country.   You don’t really fit in China.. but you don’t feel like you fit at home either.   This is my greatest fear and why I am nervous about returning home, even for this short time.

I also have some “friends” that in the years I have been away have not taken the time to email me, snail mail me, or even chat me up on facebook, But have come out of the woodwork to tell me they missed me and want to see me.  Makes you realize a lot of things and about your “friends”. Yes, my homecoming is kind of a bittersweet feeling….I can only imagine what it will feel like going back to the small town I grew up in and seeing everyone again.  I know I have changed alot and I think for the better.. but have they?

until next time…

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14 thoughts on “First time back in America after 3 years…

  1. Ami

    I hope that you have a wonderful time and I sort of know how you feel. Since living the country life for now a little over 6 years, every time I go back to NY to visit, I feel out of place, out of touch… It makes me really appreciate not living there lol. Anyways, you celebrity you… don’t forget about your fans here and let us know how everything works out. We’re always in your corner!!!

  2. I have a few this kinds of friends that haven’t send me email or anything, but really want to meet me when I go to Finland. Sure I wan’t to meet them too and want to continue our friendship, but I also hope to know what they are doing when I’m in China.

  3. I hope you enjoy your trip home.

    Speaking about friends that haven’t contacted you since you left reminds me of how I used to try so hard to stay in contact with “friends” and when I didn’t contact them I would feel bad. I finally realized I’m the only one putting so much effort into this “friendship.” Once I realized this I just let the “friendship” develop as it was, which pretty much meant it died.

    1. Thanks Jules for the link… actually it is true what they say in this article… especially this part….

      “China has its own way of doing things,” said Antoinette. “You have to try to work within the system. There’s always a new law for something, and you have to adjust.” It can be difficult for foreigners to obtain business licenses in China, which is why the Martins formed a partnership with a Chinese local.”

      This is true… you have to be partnered with a Chinese person if you want to obtain a licenses.. it is all about relationships. That is why my husband is my partner in all I do.

  4. Cami

    Hello, have you heard of Amy Chua, The Tiger Mom? She’s kicking up a lot of dust in the US. She’s a Chinese mother raising two girls in America. She has many American parent upset, but she is speaking the truth. That’s all I’m going to say. Look her up. Please. I wonder what your take is on her?

  5. pearls

    I’m quite sure it will feel different when you arrive in the U.S….and the jet lag you’ll experience will add to it! But, you’ll be okay! Just focus on what matters and not allow the differences in your surroundings from what you left behind to what you’ll arrive too (old familiar surroundings) throw you!

    @Randy…you are too funny! Just hold on a little longer and keep the leg in the interim! ~smile~

  6. Randy

    It’s true. Even if you stay somewhere a short time you feel out of place. The biggest problem I don’t think is feeling like you’re a stranger in your own country, but instead knowing what it is you’re returning to. You don’t forget how people treated you, the things that made you unhappy, and all the rest of that jazz that inspired you and gave you the extra energy you needed to leave.

    Returning to it is almost like taking some nasty medicine. You don’t want to do it, but there are both necessary and logical reasons for taking the disgusting stuff….. So open up and grab your spoonful of sugar (being that you know it’s only brief and you have very good reasons for coming here) to help that nasty medicine (returning to the state of MISERY) go down.

    I remember crying my eyes out when I left Thailand. I knew that I returning to the same slump I’ve been in for years. No matter how much I try to leave this crappy place it’s holding on for dear life to my leg. I’m almost ready to cut it off. But just a little more time and I will have my bachelors degree. After that I’m on the first thing smoking outta here!

  7. Ruth

    I hear what you are saying about China and how people never tell you their true feelings, “And if they don’t like something about you.. you will never know because they will not tell you.”

    They are like that here in Japan too. But I can’t say that I agree that that is a good thing. I find it to be so that you end up not having a “true” friendship”, because they will smile in your face but at the same time not like you. That seems pretty fake to me. I will take some “real people” over “fake people” any day.

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