My husband and I had a disagreement the other night… I wouldn’t really call it a fight or argument because he was trying to get me to understand something. However, I just have trouble with some thinking processes in Chinese culture.
Let me explain, some of you my have figured out through my past posts that I am the kind of person that likes to help people. When I see someone having troubles or issues… I jump in with both feet and try to assist them as much as I can. I will admit that this has sometimes left me with nothing in return not even a thank you. But it makes me feel that I am doing the right thing in my heart. Although, this is one thing my husband loves about me… the other night he told me.. to “STOP IT” ... to my shock.
He told me that in China.. being kind, helpful and charitable… will only have people taking advantage of you. He stated that in China you only help your family and your real friends.. no one else. This isn’t America .. he shouted at me.
Well .. I was appalled… I just stood there with my mouth open… I couldn’t believe my caring and loving husband just told me to .. Stop being kind to people, it will only get your feelings hurt.
How can I just stop being me? When I went to school that day I was chatting with one of my students about being kind to others… and I was kind of surprised when she basically repeated exactly what my husband had said to me the night before. ” It doesn’t help to be kind to Chinese people here.. they will just take and expect.. but never give to you or show kindness to you in return.”
Since I had these conversations, I have started paying closer attention to everything…my work, my “friends”, and my colleagues….mu boss…. it is true… they honestly do not appreciate your kindness and generosity. Most people here are out for themselves… Really! … they all think when you do something for someone… there should be something you get back.
Relationships are made with people who can do something for you.. and you for them…. Very few people do things .. just from the kindness of their hearts.
It made me also think about America….I would like to think that Americans are different. That we will give to others out of kindness and not because we are looking for something in return. I would like to think that people will realize that you are thinking of them.. and think of you also in return.
One of my American friends told me that he wished the US government would let people control their own money… regarding social services and taxes in the states. When he said that I told him… then no one will give money to the poor or the charities. He said.. some people would because of the kindness of their hearts, but don’t force people to. I remember this conversation… and now I really think about it.. … if the government didn’t force taxes for social services.. would America be just like China … ??? No one will want to be kind? No one will want to help anyone but their own families? No one would trust anyone?
I personally cannot stop being me… no matter how much my husband bitches at me…. but my random acts of kindness… are becoming further apart the longer I stay here.
until next time…
- Just When You Were Starting To Feel Comfortable…. (lifebehindthewall.wordpress.com)
- Things I have learned in China this year (lifebehindthewall.wordpress.com)
- The story of a “useless” Chinese housewife in Paris (lauornever1.wordpress.com)
- The traditional concept of Family in China (seeingredinchina.wordpress.com)
- The Culture Behind the Joke (bitecommunications.com)