For all you ladies that are interested in dating younger men, your chances in China are slim if you’re a Chinese woman, but it is quite possible when you’re a foreign women. As a self-proclaimed cougar, I was surprised to find many younger men interested in going out with me when I first came to China.
I was bombarded with a virtual buffet of men. I know many people tell me their assumptions of the kind of women Chinese men are attracted to; however, that is not always the case with younger men. The younger generation of Chinese men that I have met are more open-minded and don’t care as much about age differences if the woman is a foreigner. However, when the woman is Chinese those traditional thoughts start kicking in. With the media portraying older foreign women as sexy, intelligent and successful; younger men are finding this attractive. They are familiar with women like Demi Moore, Halli Berry, Madonna and Mariah Carey and see a whole new world opening up to them.
I have noticed that if you are active, think young, and look young; people here cannot really tell your age, so the issue doesn’t even come up. In China older women usually stop viewing themselves as attractive once they have been past the age to marry, over 30 years old. But when age does come up it is the outside world that cares more about their age differences than the couples themselves. The look on other women’s faces when they find out my husband is 14 years younger than me is one of utter amazement or disbelief.
However, dealing with parents and other family member of your young beau may cause small headaches and eye twitches. The majority of Chinese men want to have children and their parents will insist on it. However, older women either have made the decision not to have children; have already had children and do not wish to have more or just are unable to have children. With regards to this issue, adoption becomes a viable and necessary option when considering marriage.
I often get comments from men my age that tell me things that are similar to what Freud proclaimed that older women are mother substitutes or “robbing the cradle.” Actually, in some cases this is true, since Chinese boys are raised by their mothers, grandmothers and second mothers (aunts) it is normal for them to want a girlfriend or wife that will want to take care of them in the same sort of way. I find myself sometimes taking care of my husband in the forms of cooking, cleaning and helping him when he is sick in much the same way I have taken care of my own children in the past. I also notice some things that are a bit immature that he has done and I have to remind myself of his age.
Although, I look younger than some women my age there are always doubts and insecurities you will face if you are living in China and dating younger. I think these are even more so than when you live in Western countries. Since there are so many beautiful, young Chinese women around and there is the trend that Chinese men have of taken mistresses or second wives. It makes you have even more need to keep your man close to you, which will cause a want to control or hold on tighter than other women that are younger.
I fight these urges by making sure I am looking my best at all times, keeping myself busy with my own hobbies, and a strong dose of self-confidence. I always tell others that ask me if I am afraid of losing my husband to a younger Chinese woman, “Why would he want fried noodles when he has steak and potatoes at home?”
For those who think it is out of desperation that a foreign woman would want to date a younger Chinese man, I want to make some things clear. Whether you love us or hate us we are here. We are more secure financially and have usually more education and experience. One of the most important things is that we are in our sexual prime and we are able to be more open about what we want. We are no more disparate than those foreign men that want to date younger Chinese women.
So, fellow cougars out there don’t just hide in the bushes get out there and meet some cubs. You never know what could happen. Anyway, with so many foreign men dating and marrying here in China why the women should be the ones left out of the fun?
- Why Some Younger Men Prefer to Date Older Women (beyondjane.com)
- The Phenomena of Cougars (seniordating.org)
- 10 Hottest Cougars of 2010 (popcrunch.com)
- The Rise of the Cougar (psychologytoday.com)