Being a Cougar in China..Rooooaaarrrrr

For all you ladies that are interested in dating younger men, your chances in China are slim if you’re a Chinese woman, but it is quite possible when you’re a foreign women.  As a self-proclaimed cougar, I was surprised to find many younger men interested in going out with me when I first came to China.

I was bombarded with a virtual buffet of men. I know many people tell me their assumptions of the kind of women Chinese men are attracted to; however, that is not always the case with younger men.  The younger generation of Chinese men that I have met are more open-minded and don’t care as much about age differences if the woman is a foreigner. However, when the woman is Chinese those traditional thoughts start kicking in.  With the media portraying older foreign women as sexy, intelligent and successful; younger men are finding this attractive. They are familiar with women like Demi Moore, Halli Berry, Madonna and Mariah Carey and see a whole new world opening up to them.

I have noticed that if you are active, think young, and look young; people here cannot really tell your age, so the issue doesn’t even come up. In China older women usually stop viewing themselves as attractive once they have been past the age to marry, over 30 years old.  But when age does come up it is the outside world that cares more about their age differences than the couples themselves. The look on other women’s faces when they find out my husband is 14 years younger than me is one of utter amazement or disbelief.

However, dealing with parents and other family member of your young beau may cause small headaches and eye twitches.  The majority of Chinese men want to have children and their parents will insist on it. However, older women either have made the decision not to have children; have already had children and do not wish to have more or just are unable to have children. With regards to this issue, adoption becomes a viable and necessary option when considering marriage.

I often get comments from men my age that tell me things that are similar to what Freud proclaimed that older women are mother substitutes or “robbing the cradle.” Actually, in some cases this is true, since Chinese boys are raised by their mothers, grandmothers and second mothers (aunts) it is normal for them to want a girlfriend or wife that will want to take care of them in the same sort of way.  I find myself sometimes taking care of my husband in the forms of cooking, cleaning and helping him when he is sick in much the same way I have taken care of my own children in the past.  I also notice some things that are a bit immature that he has done and I have to remind myself of his age.

Although, I look younger than some women my age there are always doubts and insecurities you will face if you are living in China and dating younger.  I think these are even more so than when you live in Western countries.  Since there are so many beautiful, young Chinese women around and there is the trend that Chinese men have of taken mistresses or second wives. It makes you have even more need to keep your man close to you, which will cause a want to control or hold on tighter than other women that are younger.

I fight these urges by making sure I am looking my best at all times, keeping myself busy with my own hobbies, and a strong dose of self-confidence.  I always tell others that ask me if I am afraid of losing my husband to a younger Chinese woman, “Why would he want fried noodles when he has steak and potatoes at home?”


For those who think it is out of desperation that a foreign woman would want to date a younger Chinese man, I want to make some things clear.  Whether you love us or hate us we are here. We are more secure financially and have usually more education and experience. One of the most important things is that we are in our sexual prime and we are able to be more open about what we want. We are no more disparate than those foreign men that want to date younger Chinese women.

So, fellow cougars out there don’t just hide in the bushes get out there and meet some cubs. You never know what could happen. Anyway, with so many foreign men dating and marrying here in China why the women should be the ones left out of the fun?


20 thoughts on “Being a Cougar in China..Rooooaaarrrrr

  1. Chang

    Young chinese man of my generation love to date older, experience woman from the foreign land. We are young , full energy and eager to learn. The sky is the limit.

  2. katzmeowful

    You are SUPER!!!!! Do you hear me I truly hope everything works out for you. From now on my comments will be directed to Superwoman you hear:). No one can deny your strength an courage. You have a beautiful day.

  3. Your blog is awesome! My husband was just asked to be a project manager in Baoding in Hebei – they invited our whole family to tag along for eight whole months! I’m excited and totally fa-reaking out. If you want to e-mail me and tell me what to do to prepare for this fun, crazy trip, I’d love it, love it, love it. I’m trying to find English-speaking schools for my kids but haven’t had any success yet. I sooooo don’t want to homeschool them! Hahaha! Anyways, we leave at the end of June. Wish me luck!

  4. katzmeowful

    You carry alot of titles. Good for you u guys must be doing well. I will inform them I think the pics of the enviroment or scenery threw them off somehow. It probably would of been nice if you could have done the same in the states in NY we have a couple Language learing centers but I guess we’re you are its better. Keep Keepin Up

    1. I am in China… and originally from the florida area.. so not many language schools there, unless you are spanish speaking… When I was in the states I did do part time work as a English tutor to spanish speakers… but the pay isnt so great. I am trying to prefect my Chinese so I will be able to teach it in the states. My certifications TESOL is to teach in foreign countries, not much need to teach english in america actually.

  5. katzmeowful

    LMAO:) my friends forget it. Your a cougars now huh! I guess in this day an age if your older than your mate that makes you a Cougar hilarious. My girls were wondering are you a teacher of different subjects like in the U.S. OR are you teaching at a University or College.? Or is it teaching English to those who want to learn? If you can you an respond to this. Keep inspiring the masses 🙂 OneLove

  6. katzmeowful

    LMAO:) My friends an I were talking about it your a cougar now hahaha I guess if age is the main factor then I guess alot of people would be in that catagory. We are all wondering are you a teacher of many subjects like in the U.S. or do you teacher English as a second language for those that want to learn. One of my friends was under the impression that you worked at a University public or priivate school if that applies there. If you have the time or want to you can reply so i can enlighten them. OneLove

    1. I am the Director of Foreign Teachers at a private Language school.. I teach Business English, IELTs, Toefl, and conversation english to adults. I choose not to work at a university because the salary is lower… than in a private school…

  7. Michelle

    KUDOSSSSSSSSSS! I have to agree w/you Jo. As you know I’m dating a Chinese man 8 yrs younger than me and he keeps me busy w/plenty of activities such as travel, going out, visiting family and friends…he’s wonderful! I’m 42 but I don’t look it, he thinks he has the hottest chick in the game lol! He doesn’t see age, flaws or anything like that, we have similiar interest and constantly do things together.

    Keep inspiring folks Jo!!!

  8. Victoria Jones

    Hey, I love reading your blog and speaking of looking your best. What do you do about cosmetics? Is it hard to find a foundation that matches for example – are you doing mail order. As a brown skinned African American women I’ve wondered about this. When I was in Singapore, I could easily get my shade since there is a large Indian community there. Not sure is would be so easy in China. Thanks much, VJ

    1. There are no cosmetics available in your color.. i usually have friends mail it to me.. or other expats bring it when they come. It is a pain.. but lucky foundation and powder lasts quite a long time.

  9. katzmeowful

    You are to funnny. But, if a women wants to keeps herself up to keep a man or get a man no matter what age she will always get that rude awakening. That is something that should be in you alreay. You should want to do for yourself first. Keep up the positive vibe always enjoy your entries.

  10. pearls

    I really like your post!

    Even though I’m not looking for the cubs, they are more apt to let me know that they’re interested in me! From my experience, the supermarket is the ‘place’ where they hunt and don’t mind doing things to get my attention. Honey, its good looking 30-40ish men flirting with me! Sometimes the things they do to get my attention is humorous in a cute sort of way, but I don’t let on that it’s funny…because its a compliment to this 50ish woman!

    From my experience, if they’re interested, they won’t run. If anyone did the running away, it was me! We can go out and enjoy each others company (which I’ve done), yet to have a serious relationship…that’s still a ‘?’ mark in my mind.

  11. Oke, I’m coming to China!! 😀 But seriously, I find that a lot of younger men are attracted to me here in Holland as well. I’m not really interested because I feel that once they know my age, they will run. Might give it a try now, though. 😀

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