Reader Email -Disgruntled Reader


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As you know not everyone is happy with my website or my point of views. I received an email today stating a difference of opinion.  I am an equal opportunity blogger so even though I may not agree with what is said I will not stop her from having her say.  Some things are quite offensive, but please try to look past that and review.

Sista Jo,

Your site entered my mind a little while ago and I decided to give it a looksy. Please don’t get offended cause I mean this partly in jest. Are you being paid? Or, is it your undying love for your husband that has beguiled you? I don’t know Jo but I really wish you’d refrain from painting a picture of Chinese people that has nothing to do with facts. Stop basing your theories on personal relationships and take a cultural/scientific approach. Or, at the very least, post on your blog that these opinions are just that and are predicated on your INDIVIDUAL experiences. Or do broad random experiments like I do.

I have a describing people test that i give to all my classes and people in general. When I ask them to describe Justin Beiber or Lady Gaga or any white, Asian, Latino or Arab it goes like this, “They’re smart, funny, beautiful, clever etc.” When I ask them to describe to Obama, “He’s black.” After that, they run out of adjectives. If I’m lucky I get, “He’s black and strong.” Yeah, Obama is pretty strong.

I saw the video and had it translated. It was here and it was a Xin Jiang kid and yes they do stand by and watch as I have witnessed this kinda thing many times in many different provinces – Shanghai and Beijing included. I’ve seen men beat the living shit out of their wives and people just ignore it. I’ve seen cops Rodney King village people for selling fruits and people laugh. So WTF are you saying?

Chinese people despise blackness and black features. This is a cultural fact. Blacks aren’t even considered humans. How in the world will they find a Black child mixed with one of their own better than one of their own or one of their own mixed with a white kid? Did you give this any real thought? Maybe your friends would think its great if you had kids with your hubby cause they know and like you but this is not the general thinking of Chinese people as a whole and to suggest so is to continue to mislead Black people just like Martin Luther King and so many others did.

You (and the like) are painting a picture that’s not real and Black people continue to function in this unreality to their own detriment.

Pertaining to your magazine interview. Your husband may love you but its clear he doesn’t respect you as a Black woman. If he did, he’d never ask you to ignore what Chinese people are saying about you guys. If you were a Chinese girl he’d smash a bottle across their heads. When he looks at you he sees you in a contemporary way – which is how every Ethnic group sees Blacks. They were slaves, they can dance and they play sports. Unbeknownst to him (and possibly you) Black people have a history, traditions, belief systems and values and ‘lose face’ just like every other Ethnic group does.

How do you not lose face when you are being made fun of and your man doesn’t stand up for you is a clear reflection of how you see yourself and Black people overall. Sista Jo, you need to re-center.

Chinese people are prejudiced against other Ethnic groups, However, Blacks are not just another Ethnic group to them, Blacks are savage animals on two feet. China had African slaves too Jo. Read their ancient texts and see what they said about Blacks thousands of years ago. STOP BLAMING EVERYTHING ON INNOCUOUS IGNORANCE AND THE MEDIA! It has nothing to do with bad pub, 50 Cent movies and the press in general. Also, your justification for them seeing black skin and confusing us with Africans is insulting. As if being African literally means a beast. So what if we’re confused with Africans. Did it ever occur to you that Africans are not monolithic and should be subject to analysis just like whites? Education, class, Ethnic group etc? No, you summed it up by saying, “They’re ghetto.” They only stereotype us. A white teacher can show up drunk every day and sleep with underage students – and a number of them do – but they will never say that white teachers are screwed up. Just him. And that will never prevent them from hiring white teachers. So, by virtue of us being Black, I guess all bets are off, right?

Look, I know this email is abrasive and affronting at times but I just can’t sugar coat this shit. You are middle-aged just like me. Do you even identify with blackness? You have a blog and you are in an excellent position to shed some light on how we are perceived not only in America but in the world yet you continue to push this Rainbow Coalition bullshit

First … before I even reply to your email… I want to thank you for reading my blog.  Now, in reference to your email….

I started my blog to tell my friends what MY LIFE  is like in China… I did not start my blog for any other reason… The fact that people have started to read my blog because they wanted to know the personal experience of a Black woman living in China, married to a Chinese man, is flattering and kind and I appreciate it.  I do not get paid to write on my blog.. but I do get paid to blog on other websites.

However, I am not here to educate the world on Black History or Asian History.  Nor am I here to start giving negative and hateful information about the country that I have now made my adopted country or second home.  I am not here to show all the hardships and hatred tha has happened to the  Black people of the world and I am not a vehicle of some hidden agenda for all Black people.

The choice I made to live in China and marry my husband is just that .. my choice.. and what I choose to write in my blog is also my choice…..

All the stuff you just spewed out to me … may or may not be true..I am not going to research everything you have said…  but you know what… I don’t have the energy, patience or have the time to sit and argue with you about it.

I see what I see… and I know what I know….. I am not so closed-minded  that I can’t see that some people are very prejudice in China… I have even written about it in some of my blogs…several in fact…. However, I am not a person that dwells on the negatives.

 I live here… and I have to survive here… and I have to do business here…. and I do not walk around with hatred and negativity in my heart.   Nor do I group all Chinese people into one group… not all Chinese hate Black people and that is a fact

I don’t  like the fact that you have disrespected my husband by saying he has no respect for me just because he doesn’t fight every person in China that stares at me funny, points at me or calls me names.  This was rude and uncalled for… I don’t expect any man to do that… especially against an entire city or country.  Maybe that is what you want in a man.. but not what I want. 

My husband is exactly how I want him to be and my marriage is exactly how I want it to be.   We do not need to meet or conform to any standards that anyone else thinks we should.  We do not accept that from Chinese people and I will not accept it from Americans either.   If we choose to ignore ignorant people… then we will.. I did it in America and I can do it here.

I feel you are a little bitter.. and that you have had some issues in China or with Chinese people in general.  However, I haven’t.. and every Black person that lives in China doesn’t.  I have several Black American friends that have lived in China for years.. and love it here.  They wouldn’t live any other place.

As for the Africans in China… what I say is true.. from my experiences..and what has happened to me… and I write what has happened to ME.  I am not out interviewing people, or trying to force anyone to change their beliefs.  That is not my job and not my purpose.  I am sorry if my life doesn’t fit into your ideals of what a Black woman should do or say.
 I guess my “Blackness” is being questioned and I am not “Representing” the Black people properly…. But, you know what?  I am who I am and I dont need your approval or anyone else’s to be who I am.

Everyone that reads my blogs knows it is about me and my life.(I actually say that in the title of my blog and in my about me section.) and what I experience.  I am a not a person that wants to degrade or be little anyone’s beliefs or customs. 

I also think, your purpose was to try to discredit me or make me look bad in some way. However, I have learned that people will not always like what you do or what you say… and I do not live my life waiting for the acceptance of all that know me or in your case…that  dont know me.  Be Blessed

until next time….

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35 thoughts on “Reader Email -Disgruntled Reader

  1. GeorgeLanceRockwell

    That brother is correct, especially regarding white teachers and white worship in comparison to treatment of Black people. It’s the same globally, but Asia is the white man’s playground. Can’t say I’m not jealous and angry.

  2. mayiara

    Dear Jo,

    Thanks for sharing this email with us, as well as your response. This reader’s response to me represents racism as well–some people call it reverse racism, but it’s the same thing: broad generalizations of a large group of people. On the other hand, I do appreciate the reader’s frankness and speculate that his experiences have been quite different from yours–too bad he isn’t starting his own blog, because I think this is the type of dialogue that we can all learn from.

    Your blog has opened my eyes as an Asian American (raised in Latin America) that the racism I thought was so prevalent in Asia is not what I thought it was (my travel and living time in Asian is only about a year, as an adult). That’s why your blog fascinates me, as well as the fact that I truly admire your gumption and how open minded you are.

  3. Natty

    I actually love you and your husband as a couple. I’m guessing it would take a lot of compromising and understanding to be in a relationship with someone from opposite end of the earth. That itself shows me you both love each other. And from what I read I can see you both get along well. I am a black college student and live on a floor filled with Japanese and Taiwanese and they are extremely nice and caring.

  4. Crispus Attucks

    Reading his email to you I’m like… I don’t even… what? Chinese people despise me and my black features? Might as well say something clever like “Black people are good at basketball!” and it would be equally correct.

  5. zizi_west

    I read your blog because it’s interesting, inspiring, and filled with thoughtful observations that only a person in your situation could share.

    Perhaps the letter writer doesn’t know that Langston Hughes traveled in China and Central Asia as a young man (his experiences are recounted in “The Big Sea — it’s a wonderful read). If Hughes had decided to stay in Harlem because it felt familiar and comfortable, Black culture would have lost out — his interest in international affairs certainly inspired others to dare, to achieve. You are using different technologies to tell your story, but surely you are encouraging others in ways that not be obvious now (not every blog reader writes).

    Black people have always shown initiative and a sense of adventure. Why insist that people limit themselves intellectually, socially, or experientially? Isn’t it better to encourage or insist that others achieve, learn, succeed? Why would anyone ever tell others to ignore opportunities and pursue personal growth?

    I can get called the “N” word while waiting for the bus in my supposedly ‘liberal’ city in the Western USA. Someone’s going to act ugly wherever you go — that’s human nature. But people can also be capable of tremendous kindness, friendliness, curiosity, and affection. That’s also human nature. By choosing to think broadly, take a risk, and do it all with love and humor, I think that you are helping the Black people the letter writer claims to be so concerned about.

  6. Gigi

    God forbid you are happy and living well in China married to a Chinese man. Some people would rather see us living miserably and unmarried than thriving, exploring the globe and living life to its’ fullest. The best part of your response was when you said, “We do not need to meet or conform to any standards that anyone else thinks we should. We do not accept that from Chinese people and I will not accept it from Americans either.” Yes! you nailed it there. You don’t have to justify or explain your life to anyone. Perfect. Keep writing, I love your blog.

  7. Bellydancer

    Chile please remember this “all your skinfolks ain’t yo kinfolks” while whoever it was was trying to address you as “sister”. That whole email was nothing but a jedi mind trick. Keep it moving girl we got your back!

      1. Bellydancer

        I think Zora Neale Hurston said it first. “all my skinfolks ain’t my kinfolks” or something like that.
        I stole it too (lol)

  8. rentec

    What this person has to say about their perception of you, your husband, and your relationship gives more insight into the writer than it tells of who you are.

    “You (and the like) are painting a picture that’s not real and Black people continue to function in this unreality to their own detriment.”

    “When he looks at you he sees you in a contemporary way – which is how every Ethnic group sees Blacks.”

    “Do you even identify with blackness? You have a blog and you are in an excellent position to shed some light on how we are perceived not only in America but in the world yet you continue to push this Rainbow Coalition bullshit.”

    Your reader wants you to push an agenda of blacks being collective victims. No one likes our features, no one likes our skin color, no one likes our hair, no one likes us. If this person truly believes that and is still living in China the question would be why? Who would stay where, it seems, a whole nation is united in despising you?

    Some black people won’t be happy until every other black person on earth comes to their pity party with tequila. WTF has time for that? The world is changing, but unfortunately some AfAm’s perception of it will stay firmly rooted pre-civil rights era before MLK broke down barriers –damn him! LOL

    I am glad you took the higher road with her but you always do keep it classy, Sista Jo;-D

  9. Holly

    The cruelty, ignorance and just plain stupidity of certain Chinese people can be very disheartening to realise and come across – but you have to remember, sometimes among all the grains of sand, there is a diamond waiting to be found – and in my case, that diamond was my Chinese hubby.

    And all his friends or coworkers or strangers can sneer, and mock, and look down upon us – but I truly don’t care. Because I know, I have been blessed with the best. And that is enough for me.

  10. What we are seeing here from the email’s author is an inappropriate sense of entitlement concerning Jo’s choices in life. The not so underlying hostility which permeated throughout the entire read, but I will touch on that shortly. Let’s not play games here; unless a blog makes an assertion of credentials and/or expertise, readers know content is mainly from the blogger’s perspective. A blog entitled “Life Behind The Wall” would give any reader a clue, but it serves them better to feign ignorance.

    “I don’t know Jo but I really wish you’d refrain from painting a picture of Chinese people that has nothing to do with facts. Stop basing your theories on personal relationships and take a cultural/scientific approach.”

    “Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?”
    -Chico Marx in Duck Soup

    Did y’all just witness that gaslighting? Utter gall aside, this character is trying to pull Jo into some type of “Sister Soldier” standoff against her own husband and The People’s Republic of China. Black women who “escape” have to occasionally be cautious of those who wish to pull her right back.

    “Pertaining to your magazine interview. Your husband may love you but its clear he doesn’t respect you as a Black woman. If he did, he’d never ask you to ignore what Chinese people are saying about you guys. If you were a Chinese girl he’d smash a bottle across their heads. When he looks at you he sees you in a contemporary way – which is how every Ethnic group sees Blacks.”

    Normal men within a progressive, functioning society do not respond to every affront with animalistic behavior. So now we’re going to play the game “what if…” in order to create doubt regarding the level of commitment existing in Jo’s marriage. Besides that, the writer of said email is projecting behaviors attributed to downtrodden communities onto her family. Let me tell everyone from experience (having been a recipient of similar letters) what this is REALLY about:

    JO…HOW DARE YOU!….YOU!!! And those like you. Imagine “Ordinary” run-of-the-mill Black women find happiness wherever and with WHOMEVER. Escaping from the box wasn’t an option. The plan for women like us is to keep believing we’re too ____(fill in the blank)______ for love and marriage. We are supposed to stay behind and FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT dagnabit! No better than the mules who are bred to plow and ultimately discarded at the inevitable end.

    “Look, I know this email is abrasive and affronting at times but I just can’t sugar coat this shit. You are middle-aged just like me. Do you even identify with blackness? You have a blog and you are in an excellent position to shed some light on how we are perceived not only in America but in the world yet you continue to push this Rainbow Coalition bull___t ”

    Ahhh…Backhanded compliments abound! Again, the “Black Card” is played. Well here’s the deal: If the writer is soooo concerned, then he/she needs to pick up that torch and carry it to the finish line.

    P.S. DON’T forget you’re over-the-hill Jo *wink,wink*

  11. P.S. I thought this was a black man but accepted it was a black woman (as you said). and responded accordingIy am glad my first intuition was right after you responded to one of the commenters. The tone spoke like one of those “black consciousness” men that says that hateful rhetoric. They all sound THE SAME and they love to attack black women who date and marry interracially and I cannot understand why. It is annoying. Another IR blogger had something to say about men like him the TRUTH that is

    “When he sees a black woman arm in arm with a man of another race, he feels those men are dipping into “his” pool of women and taking one of “his” women away and his macho pride is wounded.”

    I am sure he does not give this talking to any black men who are in IR relationships. but as i said before enough about this person male or female.kudos to your response to him. I hope he goes and gets a life instead of attacking BW who are happy with their choices and are living life to the fullest. Something he is obviously NOT doing.

  12. She sounds like one of those Black Conciousness I am a Godess mother of Civilization love my blackness afro sheen wearing BW. I admire your tact where with you responded to her. I have dealt with her type before and you are right she is bitter and doing nothing but talking a bunch of BULL****. So busy complaiing about what chineese people are or are not doing but this same woman would probably DEFEND the likes of Lil Wayne and DBR men like him who are abusive to black women and dont give a rip about their own people (she is probably bopping to him on her Ipod as I write this, lol)

    But enough about her, I for one LOVE your blog and look forward to reading about your insights and sharing portions of your life with us, something you are not obligated to do. I think it is great. Keep sharing many of us are reading and are supporting you. (((HUG)))

    Betty Boo

  13. ATLSis

    How on earth can this poster downgrade MLK like that? How is he/she “misleading”Black people? I thought that he wanted for mankind to know each other. You’re doing exactly what Dr. King would want us to know: to know,love and understand people who don’t always look like us.

    I’ll level with you, I’ve never been to China or outside for the US,but how will people learn about the real world when they do not want to be in it. Yes, there may be things in it that may make you sick or may question your strength in handling it. We can either, learn how to deal with it or just attempt to live in our own bubble, be narrow minded and in more extreme cases..weather away. It seems that the poster have those kind of feelings.

    Life is a chance and it is far from easy,but you can still find beauty in it. I’ve learned that the problem with some people is that they do not want to deal with real life. It would just be easy for us to run away during hard times and just look at 1 billion Chinese people as the same people,but I’m glad that you don’t carry that racism with you. Then you would never learn the truth about people.

    I had two friends.. a Black woman and man who went to China. Skin tone wise. the woman could pass for White , while the guy is a paper sack brown. After they came back, they were enthralled about their stay. As a matter of fact..the guy plan on going there for a 3rd time ..voluntarily and on business and is living with his longtime Chinese host family.

    I hate it when people say that you have an “identity crisis” for marrying outside your race. I’ve never read you put down Black people, culture and history.All I read about is a Black woman who is telling viewers about her journey in China and her love for her husband. I don’t see nothing wrong with that. Most times when I come across people like that who want to tell their fellow Black man and woman about such things also be the same ones who are clueless when it comes to understanding themselves. Far as I’m concerned real brothers/sisters respect each other unconditionally.

  14. Your reply was awesome. No matter how many times you say “in my experience” or the like, people still complain. You nailed it when you said she seems bitter . . . after reading all of that mess I’m really thinking this person was a troll.

  15. Stan

    Jo I really applaud the tone of your response, assertive yet calm. The writer of the email does in fact seem to have a ‘chip’ on her shoulder when it comes to race and how some chinese perceive black people. In fact, its highly ironic that her email exemplifies the kind of aggression/despise towards ‘chinese’, that she is accuses chinese ppl of having towards blacks.

    I agree with others above, that as a black woman I don’t define myself by the colour of my skin. Being black is a part of who I am, it is not the entirety of my personality. It was the norm in the past for race to supercede all other aspects of self, but in today’s global world such perspective is becoming antiquated.

    I have experienced racism within the last year since I started dating my native chinese boyfriend. Truth be told, vile remarks and bitter comments have been blurted at me by both chinese and black people. In fact, in most cases the most hurtful comments have been from my own race. As I said in my first response on ur blog Jo, “your blog has reminded me & made more real for me the fact that “not all chinese hates blacks”. This shouldn’t be so hard for us to conceive given the saying “There are exceptions to every rule”.

  16. You responded beautifully. How dare this individual come to your blog, your e-home, and criticize you and what you do?! So disrespectful. If she doesn’t like your experiences in China, that’s her business, but to come to you and speak ill of you and your husband, is the height of bitterness. Her email was so personal against you, and laced with jealousy- you almost pity someone like this.

  17. Swirlqueen

    People kill me thinking that their opinions really matter when dealing with other peoples lives. This angry poster seems like another bm trying to dis a sister who has her stuff together. You are becoming popular and most likely will be a celebrity there and he can’t stand it. I know you are not looking for fame and riches (well, the riches part wouldn’t hurt lol) but just by being you, the people around you have come to love and respect you.

    Why in the world can’t you write what you want as your experiences dictate? If he or anyone else doesn’t like your blog, then he doesn’t have to put your address in the search engine. But he probably has you booked marked because he can’t get through his day without seeing what you have posted.

    Trina made a good observation. He is critical of MLK. Most black people critical of him were of a militant nature in the first place. What in the world is he doing in China? He should be in Africa heading his own “Back To Africa” movement. But wait….. they wouldn’t have him either.

    If you don’t like what Jo has to say, then it is simple — Don’t come here. She has support from llike minded sisters and others who enjoy reading her posts and look forward to her experiences. Who are you to dictate to Jo what and how she should write or be? Your experiences are yours, hers are hers. Be gone!

    1. @Swirlqueen…. I wanted to say… you are the first person that has recognized that this is a Black man that has written me…. I hid his name and his gender because I was trying to show some respect… (even if he didnt show me any) … he did send me another email… apologizing for the comment about my husband…. but he followed that with some more …hatred, so … I am not sure what to say about that… he does live in China.. and says it is to do business and become rich… which is a bit Ironic…. However, thank you all for your comments… and I just wanted to show that just because .. People throw negativity at you … from both sides of the Wall…. you need to stay strong in your beliefs and your love for each other …. when you are in a relationship or marriage that isnt .. the norm. Thank you all for your support.

  18. Greg

    Not sure where this person came from with the comparison to Obama. I’m white and I can think of several adjectives to describe the current US president. I also don’t know why you’ve chosen to keep her identity a secret. i mean, if she(?) is such an authority on east Asia, why not post her credentials? Personally, i think she deserves to be humiliated for such a comment. This person is full of nasty hatred with which no Chinese person would openly identify. wow, she is gross. keep blogging, dear one.

  19. Great response. There are too many people out there that want us to stay in the “everybody hates blacks” mode. Those folks are miserable and misery loves company. Newsflash! Hatred exists among all kinds of people. I will admit that I feel that Asians may be more racist against blacks than others but I also feel that blacks hate dark skin more than nonblacks. I’m happy to see black women living all throughout the world and I hope to follow in their footsteps. We need to live in Europe, Asia, Austrailia, and South America in order to show the world who we really are because the media does a poor job of it. I should also mention that it does not matter what the roots of hatred are. It exists but so does love.

  20. Anon

    Jo,

    It’s amazing how this e-mailer, who doesn’t even know your husband, can get into his head and heart and know what he thinks and feels. I must say your response to this person is very gracious. If he/she has such strong opinions, perhaps he/she should start his/her own blog.

  21. From John Lee, A Chinese man:……I read Your blog about Chinese and black relationship in China and in the USA. Not all Chinese hate black. When I was younger, my parent say black are evil, mean but as I get older, I find out that not all black are mean or evil, my parent try to scare me so I can listen to them. I know that some black are very friendly, I use to have several friends who are black, I also work with them. Now day Chinese are more acceptable to black, the older generation might not but they will when their kids marry to one. I think the kids of today learn accept each culture, how they live, work, eat, we are no different of who we are. If we learn about each countries then we learn to accept them or visit that country. I’m not sure if I’m saying this right or not. I saw a TV show about students learning about life in the poorer countries, they even visit the country of their choice, they went their live, eat, they also to build building, teach them about modern life, most of all they learn to respect their culture, I think all school in the USA should have this as a requirement

  22. Jo…you have waaaaaay too much patience. I’m actually in awe of your response because once she started talking about your husband – whooooo Lawd!

    The choice I made to live in China and marry my husband is just that .. my choice.. and what I choose to write in my blog is also my choice…..

    Why do some readers always fail to grasp this? Why is it they don’t just pack their bags and leave once they realize a certain blog isn’t for them?

    1. @ everyone…. Thank you so much for your comments… I thought the email was a little harsh for someone that doesn’t know me … except thru the internet… but My grandmother always said.. that … “If people are making that much noise about what your doing… then you must be doing something right” ….. I feel a little sorry for her… because obviously.. she has some issues that she needs to deal with… and my happy marriage and happy life bothers her. But … I have to say .. to her.. Thank you .. because she did compare me to the Great … Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. … and there is no higher compliment. I did get a little upset when she had the nerve to talk about my husband…. but as the beautiful and talented Angie Stone said….” hate on hater….I am going to just do me… the best way I know how” ….. Thanks to all of you for commenting …… and I will try to do a little cleansing .. to get rid of her bad vibe…..

  23. JK

    I have been living in China for the last 7 years. The truth is that for black people life in China can be more difficult (i.e. taxis don’t stop, they are not admitted into certain bars , often discriminated, paid less etc).

    But…
    this person is bothered by people describing Obama as ‘black’. but he IS black!! And it is quite logical in mono-racial country that to be the first point of reference.

    “I’ve seen men beat the living shit out of their wives and people just ignore it. I’ve seen cops Rodney King village people for selling fruits and people laugh.” – this happens EVERYWHERE!

    I think Jo’s husband is reacting in a right way. Chinese don’t fight with less educated or ‘less’ people than them- it is considered humiliating. And good for him! Why should he care!

    This person is apparently hurting…but… complaining about racism, and then talking about identifying with ‘blackness”. I don’t identify with the color of my skin, coz it doesn’t define me. That is actually what racism is all about.

  24. Bravo, I just liked both of the posts. The reply from Jo the most, I liked the first post not because I agree or disagree with some or everything it says, but because it was very truthful, daring (I’m sorry but no matter how stupid or to the point truth as the person feels it can be these days, not enough people really speak whats in their hearts thus tabboo subjects not being raised and the opportunity for sharing of minds being avoided). Well done Jo for posting this mail and I really rate you for how you responded as you can “hear” from the tone that you are not fazed by this message and that you gave a calm, balanced, and thoughtful manner with dignity and self-respect, which is so admiring to see. I wish I could take criticism so well and not be so hurt by what hurtful things people could say. If I’m honest, in regards to the reader’s opinion, I think the thing that sticks out like a thorn in my head is how the reader accusing your husband of not loving just because “he didn’t break a bottle” over someone’s head. hahaha Well, I don’t know about you folks, but I would prefer a dignified man who raises above others and doesn’t have a chip on his shoulder to “prove” himself to others or in a self derogatory way in front of his wife. An intelligent woman KNOWS when a man loves her, without him having to prove in with stupid antics which frankly could get him into deeper shit. naha no thanks. And I guess I can’t really comment on the black issue, but I think it’s really stupid (and I think you must have regretted that comment later on your otherwise interesting to read message) that you would tell someone that her husband doesnt love her all because he rises above other people’s comments and makes sure that the most important person (THE WIFE) is happy. That was just seriously stupid.

  25. I’d just like to add something…

    I, too, am a middle aged (… I just thru up in my mouth a little bit when I wrote that….) Black American women who has just spent the last 3 months in China (Suzhou, Jiangsu, specifically.)

    And I must say, everyone, EVERYONE, that I have met in this time has been nothing but nice and respectful towards me.

    I have, honestly, received noting but kindness and graciousness from my very first day…. From the three little old ladies that come to straighten up my serviced apartment every week (who always smile shyly and wave whenever they see me)…. to the owner of my company (who was so worried about what I would be able to eat during the early days of my arrival, that he went to the grocery store and bought bread and imported sandwich meat for me to take home!) … to the older gentlemen that runs the local ‘Century’ store (something like a 99c store) that insists on carrying on full-blown conversations with me, as one sided as they are… hilarity.

    I wont say that don’t get stared at (because I do) or that it didn’t get old fast (because it did)… but I just learned to smile at them if I’m in a good mood ( and they ALWAYS smile back) or stare right back at them… can you get eye ‘whiplash’? Because if you can, there are loads of folks around this town in some serious pain… and that always makes ME laugh.

    Truth be told, I have been offended more by the food (stinky tofu and the durian fruit…. gag me with a wooden spoon!) and the squatty potties ( and a special thanks to you Jo for altering me to THAT particular instrument of torture!…. I know I will bow to every porcelain thrown I SEE for a looooong time after this trip!)

    As for as the letter itself, you are better than me, because that would have been in the Round File half way thru the 4th or 5th paragraph… gone and brush your shoulders off Jo!

    Anyway, I’m finally headed home this coming Sunday and I can not wait, but I will miss the friends I have made here and I do look forward to coming back…. (….with lots of my OWN TP…lol!)

    Zai Jian!
    MsMica

  26. Trina

    I stopped when I read this “continue to mislead Black people just like Martin Luther King and so many others did.”

    There is so much I could say (not so much specifically about China, but about the opinion of people with this particular axe to grind in general), but I’ll just limit myself to: NEXT!

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