The rebuttal of the “Angry Black Man”


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Okay you guys… the MAN that wrote the last email disrespecting my husband and myself and basically all “MLK” fans has begged me to print his rebuttal to all the comments.  He feels mis-understood and wants a chance to explain himself to everyone.   Although, I denied him the first 2 time he asked.. I have decided to give him a chance to explain himself.  I know.. I have the patience of a saint.  But I do believe in giving people a chance to apologize and change.  Here it goes….

I do not hate you by any means. I refer to you as sista Jo, don’t I? Your blog, well, that’s another story. Bitterness is quite alright if it’s warranted and in this situation it is. There were happy slaves on the plantation, you know? Oh yeah, there were a number of slaves that found happiness in picking cotton, singing and waiting for Jesus to return.
You saying that there are Black Americans happy amongst these people is nothing new. And furthermore, any person – speaking of Black Americans specifically – that is completely comfortable living amongst a group of people (irrespective of their behavior) that look nothing like them and have a different culture is undoubtedly suffering from self/group hatred.
For you to say there are Black Americans that like it here is one thing, I can stomach that, but to say they love it here and wouldn’t live anywhere else can only mean they are essentially out of their true and natural identity. If you really love yourself, you’d want to see a reflection of yourself. Chinese culture at its heart is antithetical to blackness and you know it. I’m smart enough to realize that there is nothing that can be done about people like that. You however, know better. I can see it in a few of your blogs and that’s what’s irritating. You call it negativity when the proper name should be facts. How can you not walk around with anger in your heart? ‘ Did I miss something? Is this Never Never Land’? Actually, by admitting that you don’t see the negatives when all the negatives are directed towards you says that there is something wrong with you. Any psychologist worth a grain of salt will tell you that it’s quite normal and healthy to get angry when faced with hostility.
Sista Jo, you can deny your responsibilities as a Black woman all you want and pretend that you are here to just enjoy life and blend in and all this other stuff. But just because you ignore it doesn’t mean it isn’t there and it doesn’t mean that it won’t affect you either. Just because you don’t see color doesn’t mean that these people don’t see you as colored. And until you know Black history (and others’ history) in all facets you will never be complete no matter how hard you try to you will never understand why you think the way you do. You will never know Chinese, Whites, Arabs or Indian people either. And when you see them their ways of thinking and actions will all seem new to you and confound you. Ambivalence is all over your blogs. Mixed loyalties. Sidestepping the obvious. 
I apologize for my shot at your husband as it is illogical for him to take on the whole country as you say. But he can take on some of them. And you know in the back of your mind that if you were Chinese there’d be hell to pay particularly due to the ‘losing face’ factor.
I asked a few of my Chinese buddies what they’d do and I know you know their response already. I’ll answer a question you must be asking yourself. My only reason for being here is to do business and become rich. Period. It’s no different from why so many Chinese people are all over Black neighborhoods in America never masking their repulsion, (many illegally I might add) taking money out of them, enriching themselves and not being part of the community in any way, shape or form. Not just them, all Asians.
Sista Jo, this is belated and you probably won’t buy it but I’m gonna say it nonetheless. I love you. I know you are a caring, righteous sista. Should’ve made that clear before and I know its hard to believe considering this email along with the rest. The only Black people I despise are those that consciously hurt us.

Back in the day I use to date white girls exclusively and wouldn’t have been caught dead with a Black woman. When I’d go out with these white girls, on occasion, Black women would make comments out of jealousy I guess. Sometimes I’d get tagged Uncle Tom, sometimes they’d take a shot at my date. Either way. I’d say let it go – just like your husband does now. I let it go Jo because subconsciously I felt guilty about being with a white girl. Maybe your husband feels that way too, I don’t know, I’m just sayin‘. As for my girlfriend, whenever we do venture out (which is rare) and they run their  games, she’ll step up and let them know we don’t get down like that. A number of times she’s the first one to fire back. And other times I take the lead. Again, I’m just sayin‘.

 Oftentimes we get into heavy discussions about problems without ever discussing solutions. I’m guilty of this as well. Currently, I’m making a list of suggestions for Blacks living in China and Asia in general that I’d really like you to post. After that, I’ll keep mum and let you do your thing. All I ask is what the young people state lucidly, “keep it real”. Keep it real sista Jo.

I really, really wish you’d do me a huge favor, reconsider, and post my last email. Please. It’s the last one I promise. The first email will be taken out of context if not followed by the last one. If you wanna edit it, that’s fine, just let me know what you’re taking out. All I want is the readers to get the overall gist of it. You ask me if I’m tired of spewing hatred? What I’m really tired of is brothers and sisters mis-understanding me. Once again, please post the last one.

I’ll close by saying that I’m sorry I offended you. The words I wrote were calculated and intended to inform and shock you and your readers but not to hurt you or your hubby. I’m not attacking you sista Jo, I’m attacking some of your beliefs that stem from a certain kind of outlook. There’s a monumental difference. I hope you can understand and appreciate my intentions, post my last email and lastly, be my sista. One of my teachers told me that the person is more important than the point for if you lose the person, you’ll never make the point.

until next time….

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22 thoughts on “The rebuttal of the “Angry Black Man”

  1. Pingback: Your questions about black entrepreneurs | Best 21st Century Education

  2. Pingback: Your questions about black entrepreneurs | Best 21st Century Education

  3. Angry, bitter people want everyone around them to be bitter and angry. They lash out–even at perfect strangers–their pit of negativity and unhappiness is so vast. Happy people don’t tear down, they build up. They don’t aggressively hector and berate and hide behind ugly name calling in the guise of keepin’ it real. What they do not do is troll the internet looking for someone to target, then unload and project their own feelings of dissatisfaction for a life unfulfilled.

    Any person who would have their partner fighting in the streets over sideways glances and snide comments is a fool. Newspapers report endless accounts of men who want to fight over nothing in the streets. Lots of them end up dead too. How does that help the black community? Why would anyone advocate irrational violence, unless they themselves were irrationally violent (as this person most certainly seems, to me.) Still angry over slavery? Really? Because my grandmother, who most certainly had a closer relationship with those who knew something about it, wants me to live a happy life. A happy life which was made possible by the blood, sweat and tears of my ancestors. If she has found a way to be happy in life, than I, with my comparatively cushy existence can certainly find a way. Out of respect for those who willed my cushy life into being.

    This is what our ancestors wanted for us. Freedom. And personally, I’m not about to let anyone put a yoke on me. Telling me who I ought to be. Some people ought mind their business and get laid more regularly.

  4. pearls

    Well..well…well! I did an unconscious neck jerk when I read what ‘he’ wrote the first time. Especially, as if he has the 411 on your marital relationship with Michael. But…after reading a few lines of this one (its as far as my intellect would allow me to go without becoming more annoyed and perplexed as to where is he going with this now). I concluded that its an ‘HONOR’ for you to be placed in the same breath, thought, and sentence along with Dr. Martin Luther King and others that helped pave the way for us (people…period) to have a better life. Other than that..and its a very ‘BIG’ other than that, everything else he wrote is definitely and TOTALLY…confused!

    As one of your avid readers who enjoys every shared exploration and experience of your temporary, adopted homeland…I say…keep doing what you’re doing and keep it coming!

  5. Vion

    He’s quite well spoken though to be honest the points he tried to make are all over the place. I kind of don’t understand how he can say stuff about ‘wanting to see your own face’ But then say he exclusively dates white girls…that pisses me off to be frank. Its not fair it comes to the point I feel black man are actively trying to make black woman feel bad. Just can’t win. I”m all for interracial dating but I do feel everyone wants to date someone who looks like them, but over time society twists and changes us to see some inadequacy in our people,turning to others (this only really applies to those who’ll only date people not their race). All I KNOW for sure is that now that black people have been able to overcome the blatant injustices thrown upon us by others, its time for us to heal within our own communities then can we really be the proud people as were our ancestors.

    On another note I feel it would have only been fair to this man to have his whole rant posted, Jo can not pick and choose what she wants to post…its not fair, IMO, if your going to start something you have to finish and I applaud her for her fairness in this dispute.

  6. Daphne

    After reading both posts, my reaction was:

    *blink**blink**blink**blink*

    I mostly lurk on this site, but I can admit I am utterly baffled by the lack of self-awareness and pure delusion of this man. Fractured, incoherent mind is an apt descriptor, as he is all over the place in both emails. And as others stated, he still took a potshot at your husband under the guise of a faux apology.

    Anyway, kudos to you, Jo, for “dusting your shoulder off” from this mess. Thanks for sharing your experiences via your blog.

  7. My, my, someone has a SERIOUS chip on their shoulder. He even gave the non-apology apology! I found his use of “sista” to be way more condescending then he probably thinks it is. If he has that many issues in China then he should start his own blog rather than dump his drama on yours. You’re definitely a bigger person to most of us Jo. 🙂

  8. julie

    ” If you really love yourself, you’d want to see a reflection of yourself.”

    Huh, isn’t the point of humanity to find your reflection/find empathy toward all? Thanks for keeping your humanity intact, Jo (I’m usually a lurker =P).

  9. sachab28

    Please don’t post anymore from him. Let him get his own blog. Blogs are FREE, so there is no reason why he can’t create his own.

  10. Crispus Attucks

    Dear Angry Black Man,

    Please lurk more and post less. You are making the rest of the males in China with darkly pigmented skin look like embittered… males with darkly pigmented skin.

    Sincerely-
    Not your brother (and I’d appreciate if you did engage in faux familiarity by calling me such)

  11. yeah, I agree with the others. I’ll admit this guy is well spoken, and can make an argument, but he is clearly has a chip on his shoulder, and is unwilling to open himself to new cultural experience.

    As a white woman living in China I also get a lot of crap from people. Pointing, staring, being laughed at and made fun of. (For instance in a clothes shop I tried on a shirt and didn’t like the style. The shop girl said, in Chinese, “Yeah, your too fat to wear that shirt!” thinking I wouldn’t understand her. I left the shop feeling like a total ass.)

    That is not to say I understand your experience of being a black person in China, (that’s part of the reason I read your blog, to learn about it) but it is to say that not everything negative is based on race. All foreigners get shit even the blond Americans.

    There are a few black people (from Africa) at my school learning Chinese. They have had their struggles. but on the whole, are having a great time here. They all have a lot of friends (both foreigners and chinese) and are very happy to be living in China. It’s because they open themselves up to this experience (as do I) and help break cultural stereotypes and educate a population that has been sheltered for so long. In fact, we need more foreigners here, of all nationalities and colors, so we become less of a “novelty” and more “real.”

    Anyway, it is clear this person doesn’t like China, doesn’t want to live in China and is selling out themselves just to make a quick buck, which is a shame. I don’t think you should give voice to this person anymore on your blog. He is just trying to create strife and anger and your blog is all about understanding (both with relationships as well as race).

    1. Crispus Attucks

      Being “fat” in China does not have quite the same baggage as it does in the West. Next time think of it as her saying “you are too tall for that blouse”, where it is merely a statement of fact and not a judgement of your character.

      When shopping for clothes with my wife I often remind her that she is nowhere as thin as she used to be. I don’t to this to hurt her feelings, it’s a fact-based reminder that she should not waste time trying to put on clothing that won’t fit.

  12. I will admit I stopped reading after around the first few paragraphs.

    I just find it ridiculous that this person says you “never” see the negative when it is staring you in the face. I have read plenty of your blogs talking about your negative experiences in China, relationships, job and your marriage but you see, eventually speak on the positive, what you have learned and you move on. A truly educated and cultured person does so in my opinion. We never grow if we don’t learn from the negative, see some positive (though not always possible) and MOVE on.

    Also why must a person be around one’s “culture” to truly experience being “black” or any other culture. Isn’t that the basis for xenophobia, a problem he talks about as something many Chinese “suffer” from.

    I usually try to end comments on a positive note, talking about what good I can see or how I could easily be misunderstanding but you know I don’t feel like it because of what this post and the previous one is trying to make me stomach.

    All I will say is good luck to the guy…oh wait I still did it.

    1. I KNOW and this is the issue I have with alot of black men. they are QUICK to criticize a black woman with a man of another race and they themselves are dating interracially PURE HYPOCRISY. So many of the so called black guardians of all things Black and conscious seem to operate this way. I read accounts of women who were apart of the black poanther party who attested that they would see black men in the day time talking about ‘the struggle” and the “oppression fo the de’ white man” but would step out on the town in the evening with their white girlfriends/wives. (SMH…) I cannot understand why he is focusing in on Jo ;. She is just graciously sharing her expereinces with us which I find educational and enjoyable to be honest. I agree with the other commenters. I hope he just goes away and stops attacking Jo. If he wants to rant, let him get his OWN blog to b*****h on.

  13. ATLSis

    From what I gather about this man, he doesn’t want you to have a life and what is this supposed ” responsibility”,that you, as a Black woman, is supposed to do for our community? I guess his ideas of it means that he wants you to be unhappy and stay stuck in a cave.As a Black woman, I like your life far better than his.

    Although you were nice in giving this man another chance to redeem himself, once again, he put his foot in his mouth. I have a strange feeling that his last e-mail isn’t going to enlighten you anymore than this one.It seems that he cannot accept the fact that you’re not running from China telling people others how racist and bad the country is supposed to be.It’s sad that he cannot deal with this reality. I’m with the other posters, since he doesn’t want to respect your journey, I would just move on.

  14. Oh, my gods. Such cattiness. And this:

    it is. There were happy slaves on the plantation, you know? Oh yeah, there were a number of slaves that found happiness in picking cotton, singing and waiting for Jesus to return.
    You saying that there are Black Americans happy amongst these people is nothing new.

    sounds like a desperate Republican invoking slavery to make an impact.

  15. Claire

    He doesn’t think there is a difference between a person born in to slavery and someone who moves to another country of their own accord?! Idiot.

  16. This man took another cheap shot at you and your husband. On my blog, I don’t let angry black men have a voice on anything black women do. I’m not second guessing you at all…I just don’t see why they should be allowed to have a voice about our lives on any of our blogs.

    1. I am trying to be the bigger person and at least give him a chance to apologize for what he has said and for offending my readers… but some people are just determined to be hateful. Don’t worry I will not be posting anymore of his nonsense nor any other Angry Black Person…. but the writer in me wanted to give him his last say before we shut him down for good.

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