This is a holiday weekend, Mid Autumn‘s Day, and I am lucky to finally get a three-day weekend, which is very rare over here… especially if you teach at a language school like I do.   So, I got up a little earlier than usually and went to do my morning rituals… and when I looked in the mirror I said to myself… WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOU? 

Those who know me personally know that I am .. at least I was…. a very high maintain kind of girl…. got my nails done every two weeks, pedicures, my hair always looked its best, make up always in place… heels on everyday and just simply … flawless.    It seems that my time in China has made me… stop investing so much time in my appearance.  I don’t know if it is because I am in a country where it is difficult to get: fashionable clothes in my size;  make up in my color;  my hair  done;  my nails and toes the way I want; or if it is just that I am getting older and lazier than before.    Whatever, it is … I don’t like, I don’t condone it and I am not standing for it anymore.   It is time for me to up my game.. and invest in myself more.

As I look at myself in the mirror, I think if my husband fell for me looking like this… he would have a heart attack if he had seen me before at my best.   I remember people in the past telling me to just be natural and go without make up or heels and me looking at them as if they grew a third eye.    Those people wouldn’t be able to recognize me now.

I worry to think that because I am different and stand out in China and that at times I get ridiculed about my size or skin color… that my self-esteem has taken a pounding and I am having bouts of self-doubt on my appearance.  I am not going to lie… it is difficult to live in a place where all the women are so thin and all the clothes are too small and you stick out like a sore thumb everywhere you go.   I thought I was being strong and handling it well… but I guess today … I took a good look at myself…I see my strength is on the inside… I need to let it show on the outside too.   I need my “I don’t care what you think.. I know look sickening”  attitude back.

So… It starts today…. I am going thru my clothes .. and tossing out the old and in with the new and fabulous…(even if i have to have them made one by one)… China is good at copying … so I will find some styles online and have them copied for me to wear.   I will start doing my make up everyday… and not just throwing on some eyeliner and lipstick and go.    I will make sure my hair is laying perfectly and not just throwing it back in a ponytail or pinned up.   I will find some heels that give me my attitude back…. (hopefully .. now we have a car.. I don’t have to walk as much… and they won’t hurt my feet) …. yes…Ms. Jo .. is gonna have a New attitude… watch out China… I am throwing off the negativity and coming in with confidence and attitude…. They will never know what hit ’em.

until next time….