Okay.. Ladies, to continue my month on love and dating I want to approach the subject of attracting your Asian man or any man for that matter. I always get questions about how to attract and Asian man and what are they looking for in a women. I cannot speak for every Asian man out there, because as you know all men are different and there is always that special guy that isn’t the norm. But from my experiences and conversations here in China and in my life of dating different kinds of Asian men; I can tell you with most traditional Asian men are looking for or NOT looking for in a woman.
First, the rumors…I will begin with the things everyone always says…
1) Asian men don’t foreign woman and if they do not Black woman…Not true. Asian men just like all other men have different tastes. There are some that only want a Chinese woman and there are some that want foreign women and yes folks .. some like black women too. It just depends on the man. I have found that more East Indian men, Philippine, Malaysian, Cambodian, and Korean men are open to dating black women than other Asian groups, but there are exceptions to the rule. I have friends of all colors married to many types of Asian men. I myself have dated Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Vietnamese, Philippine, Indian, Malaysian and Cambodian men in my other lives.
2) Asian men like thin women. If your too fat they won’t be attracted to you. Kind of true…I hate to say it ladies but most Asian men are smaller in stature and they prefer a woman who isn’t bigger than them. It just does not look good and from my experiences as a big girl (size 16).. I have gotten rejected many times because I was too fat. But don’t let that discourage you ladies, I didn’t. I still dated many Asian men and married my husband; who by the way is only 5’4 and 105 pounds. It is possible, you just need to look a little harder and kiss a few more frogs to find your prince.
3)Asian men are very dominating and bossy. Sometimes.. This is probably the thing that surprises people the most about me being married to a Chinese man. As a Black American woman, I get stereotyped as being strong, bossy and controlling. Chinese men actually get the same stereotype when people think of them as husbands. So, they are totally surprised when they see that a Black woman has married a Chinese man. They think the home must be a war zone. Well, let me clear up a few things.. First of all, not all Black women are bossy and dominating. Sometimes we are put in situations where we need to take the lead and be the man and the woman. In these cases, we can play the part of a strong, independent, and sometimes dominating woman. But from my experiences and my point of view, most women do that, not just Black women when the need calls for it. We, Black women just need to do it more often than not. If most of us had a choice, we would give up the role of head of the family and prefer to be the “wife.” When you marry a Asian man, you can rest assured that he will take the role of the head of the family. He will take on the responsibility to provide, protect and make decisions, so you can be the wife. Some people think that is dominating and some people think that is bossy. But after being a single parent in my past life and having to be the head of the family; I honestly appreciate a man who I can trust to take over the role and do it well. That is the big point… Asian men, for the most part, will do a good job of being the Head of the Household and that gives women a sense of stability and a feeling of protection. They don’t have to worry when they give up the reins to a new leader.
(Disclaimer: I do know there are other men of other nationalities that can do the same and very well, but we are talking about Asian men so don’t get bent out of shape if you a male reader that isn’t Asian)
4) Asian men are not romantic. Welll..in a different way. I can’t say that Asian men aren’t romantic, I can say that they are romantic in a non-traditional thinking way. They are not big on giving you flowers after your married at least. They are not the candlelight, strawberries with chocolate.. buy you lingerie kind of guys. I think personally that White men are better at that kind of thing overall. But Asian men do have their own way of being romantic. For example, if you’re not feeling well and they go get your meds, bring you a blanket and tell you to drink the hot water they have so lovingly heated for you, that is romantic. If they tell you that you out of the blue that you are a good wife or cook well that is romantic. If they make sure your house payment is paid, you have food, and don’t need money, they are being romantic. I’m joking a little but.. they show their romance by the subtle things they do; not the big extravagant gestures that we western women are used to.
5) Asian men don’t know how to have sex well... sometimes. This also depends on the man and on what you consider having sex well. I have had sex with several kind of men…(ooo…that didn’t sound good) ..but anyway…I’m experienced. I have had men that are very good, men that are ..ehhh… and men that sucked badly… and all from Asian men. I think it really boils down to experience. Most traditional men that are fairly young, have not had a lot of experience with having sex. Even older men have not studied the art of love making. They don’t have porn easily accessible and it isn’t something that is openly discussed. So, they don’t have the practice. As we all know practice makes perfect. Sex is discussed pretty openly in Western countries but in China it is still very taboo to discuss it. I even have women that are in their mid to late 20’s giggle when you mention condoms or say the word sex. So, with this kind of atmosphere on top of the nerves of having sex with a foreigner that is probably more experienced than he, it is easy to see that some Asian men can be a bit clumsy at first when they have sex. But trust me, if your patient, give them a little guidance of what you like and give them a lot of practice they will get it right and blow your mind.
6) Asian men don’t like a strong, independent and intelligent woman. Sometimes. It is not because they want stupid women. It is they don’t want to look like they can’t handle their woman. They want to still be the head of the household and a strong man in public. It is that ” face” thing I am always harping on. If your woman seems smarter than you, stronger than you and uncontrollable then you look bad as a man. They really admire and respect an intelligent woman in their hearts, but you need to keep it on the down low when you are with your man in public. If your alone, shine and let your independence and intelligence out. If your alone with your man, you can also be your strong and independent self. But in public with your man… give him face.. you let him take the lead.
7) When you marry an Asian man you marry the whole family. Yes, Yes… a hundred times ..yes. I think the hardest part of dating and marrying an Asian man is their family. Asian people are very family oriented. It is what I love and what I hate most about them. The feeling of family obligation and family loyalty is very strong. An Asian man has a large responsibility to his family especially if he is an only child. His mother or father will call him every day, want him to come to see them often and even have to drop everything to take care of what ever they might need at that time. He is often torn between what the family needs and what you need. It is best not to interfere with family matters. He will never choose you over family and you should never expect him to. His loyalty to them is not the same as his love and loyalty to you. The pressure they give him is bad enough without the pressure of you also. So, support your Asian man, if you had to put up with the guilt and pressure his family puts on him; you would need extra support also.
8)Asian men need to have children. For the most part yes. In Asian cultures, the pressure to have children is strong. It is traditionally thought that having children will keep the blood line going, without a child the family line dies. So, it is the man’s responsibility to have children. In China with the one child policy, there is even more pressure for the man in an only child family to have children. It is an issue that my husband and I discuss often. I can’t have any more children and my husband doesn’t have any children of his own, so it is an issue we will have to solve in the future with adoption or other methods. Hopefully, this will appease the parents, who take it upon themselves push the sons to fulfill their duties to have children.
Well, these are the top 8 myths about Asian men. Yes, I left out the penis size issue; due to the fact that it is silly. There is more to a man than the size of his penis, at least in my mind. If you have an Asian myth that you have heard that you want me to “Break down” please comment below and I will do my best to answer it for you.
until next time….
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97 thoughts on “Breaking Down the Asian Man Myths”
Hello, my name is Jamilah Freeman- Pryce I’m 24 years old and I am a plus sized (size 20-22) African-American/Caribbean woman from the USA and I like Asian men/find them very attractive. I read every one of your Asian man myths. And there are some things I didn’t really agree with all that much/didn’t really get. Ok, if an Asian man is going to Date and then marry a woman (An Asian or Non-Asian woman) I just can’t wrap my head around why he’d want to waste that woman’s time if he’s not going to put her first every time (not half the time), I mean seriously, what sense does that make, especially if him and her are having sex and living together with each other not the woman, him and his whole family.~_~ Besides If I marry a man, I’m putting him first before anyone else even if they’re my parents, I really don’t see my family all that much anyway, mainly because how I was treated growing up, I kind of turned out to be a bit of a loner. And I’ve never had kids before and don’t want any either, with all these crazy things that are happening in this world (such as killing, bullying, kids getting raped etc.) I really don’t know why so many men want kids that bad these days anyway. Also I’ve usually been independent and strong not necessarily because I preferred to but back then I had poor taste in men and all the boyfriends I’ve ever had were scrubs ( Black guys and White guys with No job, no car, abusive etc. A.k.a. not real men) And trust me I’m done with that and I’ve been single for almost 5 years due to that.
But don’t get me wrong I like alot of what you said, because I used to be a size 14 or 16 in clothes and I tried asking Asian guys in my city (in Pittsburgh PA) 3+ years ago if we could exchange numberes and get to know each other and I got rejected alot and this guy I talked to (he was Chinese), it went well (he would always treat me to food and drinks and talk to get to know each other). until I wanted to hold his hand and see if he wanted to be my boyfriend and he had a girlfriend this whole time and I was Pissed when he told me! And soon after that I just wrote the Asian guys off in my city as a lost cause.😟
And now I just stick to online dating right now until I can afford to go to AMBW Meetups, unfortunately a crap ton of the Asian guys I find Attractive aren’t into Black women so I don’t bother messaging them. I don’t have the highest self-esteem out here (especially now that I have a double chin) although I’m pretty nervous to be online that often. I am currently trying to lose weight in hopes that, that will turn my luck around.☺😁
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Personally I like how Asian guys are, never mind that I’m Cuban with Korean ancestry, but I like the little details and effort they put into making sure that you are alright, from time to time it’s great to receive flowers but I know for a fact that Asian guys lavish their girls with thoughtful, practical gifts, know that if he really loves you , he’s a softy that shows how much he cares with hard work even to the extreme in some cases. And if there’s an abusive, dominating and controlling, remember the same could be said about Latinos, Spaniards, Italian…. well you get the point, there is always one of those in every culture. We can’t label people…I always remember if my parents didn’t find each other, I wouldn’t be here