Ask Jo: Should I Dump My Chinese Boyfriend

Well you’re the best Jo. Lately I have been through hell with my chinese boyfriend.  He told me that I should move in with him I thought that sounds nice yet no.  Yet during the year he didn’t spend time with me for my birthday, or his birthday, neither at the beach, nor thanks giving, nor Christmas or the eve, he didn’t even Show for new years neither the chinese new years.

He then told me he had good news I was smiling cause I thought he might want to spend more time with me More than twice a month. Then he broke the news that he’s moving to Philadelphia Pennsylvania and that I can be his wife.

I started crying cause he proposed to me in a car & he had no ring… dressed sloppy like….He didn’t ask my father for my hand. He then told me he wanted me to get married to him in china. He took off to Philadelphia that night & told me I better hurry. Am I wrong to say to him its done it’s over there’s nothing I want here? I feel like I should have slapped him & ran like hell when I had the chance. I panicked in anger I told him to take me home.  Yet he yelled at me saying I was being mean to him.  I screamed at him that I don’t trust him anymore that he’s acting unstable cause he even showed up on our fifth date in jammies.  He even blamed me one time for a brown spill in his car & said it came from my skin cause I’m brown.

  I was frustrated cause I was eating cotton candy in the theater he tells me didn’t you already eats once today. I even told him to hold my drink cause I was going to look for my medicine I was feeling faint. He throws it away and says come on. 

Should I beat him in his face Jo? He didn’t even show up at my brother’s wedding 4 months prior invite. -SID

I want to first tell you any relationship whether it is with an Asian man or ANY man for that matter that you feel you are verbally or physically abused you should end and run as far away as possible from that person.   But I think you already know that.   Most people who ask these kinds of questions know the answer in their heart, they just want a confirmation that what they are thinking is right.

I don’t condone violence in a relationship… I have been thru my share of violent men and even been at gunpoint and that is never the answer.  I do not suggest you hit him, beat him or hire anyone to hurt him.  However, I do suggest you tell him how you feel and what you think about the situation.  I think you should tell him what you’re looking for in a man and how you felt about his half-ass proposal.

There are way to many good available men of different nationalities in this world  to settle on one that doesn’t make you happy.   The one think I hear other Black American women saying is that maybe I need to change something about myself or I can change him after we marry.  No.. honey… you can’t change other people… you can only change yourself and how you react to those people.

As for marrying this guy… I think you know in your heart the answer to that… but to make it easier for you… take a piece of paper and write down the good things about him and the bad things about him.   When your finished I am pretty sure you can figure out what you should do.

Be strong little sister, there is a special someone out there for you …. Dont just settle… you deserve better than that. Life is too short to waste it on people that don’t appreciate your beauty, inside and out.

What advice do you guys have for her?  Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?


11 thoughts on “Ask Jo: Should I Dump My Chinese Boyfriend

  1. Pingback: Ask Jo: Was It Something I said? « Life Behind The Wall

  2. C.S.

    DTMFA. Yesterday.

    In my experience, when someone says “you’d better hurry!” and tries to give you an exploding offer, it’s because they know their offer is a schmucky one and you have better options.

  3. Yikes. Why would you even consider marrying trash like that? If you get married then his behavior won’t change no matter what you do to make things better. He’s a rotten apple and will always be a rotten apple. Run away as fast as you can and change your phone number.

    And any man who shows up to a date in pajamas should be taken behind a woodshed and beaten by a couple of teamsters.

  4. Yeah this dude is swimming in red flags. Does he even acknowledge his attitude towards you? This doesn’t sound like a little drama from his end, that will go away anytime soon. Things may get even worse once you two say, “I do.” Let this guy go and find someone who’s worth your time and effort.

  5. John Lee

    good advice Jo, she deserve someone better then that guy, look like he trying to force her to marry. there are a lots of nicer guys out there who will treat her better then that guy

  6. NaturallyEee

    I agree with Jo it doesn’t matter if he is asian or african american , it only matters how you feel when you are with him. Oprah said love is not suppose to hurt this sounds like the beginning of a life full of put downs.

    When looking for a husband we women look for a man that makes us feel safe, and sure, it doesn’t sound like he is sure of anything. He sounds very immature.

    As much as it hurts, and it will I say run Forest run. There are times in our life when, we have to endure a little pain, to avoid being exposed to a lot of
    of it. Remember in time this to shall pass there will be others who will ask to marry you don’t worry as long as you are a woman men will come along.

    Don’t get caught up on he wants to marry me,we have to look at the quality of the man who is doing the asking. We are the princess remeber that and
    you deserve better, trust and beleive.

  7. ATLSis

    Your boyfriend seem like he needs help. Being abusive is never good and its far worse when somebody is verbally and emotionally doing it.It’s not going to get much better. You need to get out of this while you’re still on you’re two feet, or he’s going to bring you down.

  8. blackandyellow

    I was just blown away by the guys behavior and lack of respect. The big red flag was him claiming since your skin is brown,then you must have left a brown spot in his car! I just think he does not respect you very much at all. I sense that the next person you meet will love you very much, and not pull the crap this guy did. I think the advice Jo gave you was spot on. nicoleh73 mentioned his erratic behavior and impulsivity, and I agree whole heartedly. I will be praying for you to be safe, protected, and led to the right person. He is also behaving like he is doing you a favor, not the other way around. I admire your ability to maintain your composure the way you did throughout this entire ordeal.

  9. niwa

    From what you have described, there doesn’t seem to be a future for the both of them. The two instances that stood out to me the most was the part where he blamed your skin colour for dirtying his car and not holding your drink when you looked for medicine…. Is this someone you want to have kids with and spend the rest of your life with? I really don’t mean to be judgmental. It’s my humble opinion. All the best though. I also really love you blog 🙂

  10. This guy sounds really erratic and impulsive. Sometimes we have to love ourselves enough to know it’s time to pack our shit and head for the nearest exit. (I love your blog by the way 😉 )

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