Well you’re the best Jo. Lately I have been through hell with my chinese boyfriend.  He told me that I should move in with him I thought that sounds nice yet no.  Yet during the year he didn’t spend time with me for my birthday, or his birthday, neither at the beach, nor thanks giving, nor Christmas or the eve, he didn’t even Show for new years neither the chinese new years.

He then told me he had good news I was smiling cause I thought he might want to spend more time with me More than twice a month. Then he broke the news that he’s moving to Philadelphia Pennsylvania and that I can be his wife.

I started crying cause he proposed to me in a car & he had no ring… dressed sloppy like….He didn’t ask my father for my hand. He then told me he wanted me to get married to him in china. He took off to Philadelphia that night & told me I better hurry. Am I wrong to say to him its done it’s over there’s nothing I want here? I feel like I should have slapped him & ran like hell when I had the chance. I panicked in anger I told him to take me home.  Yet he yelled at me saying I was being mean to him.  I screamed at him that I don’t trust him anymore that he’s acting unstable cause he even showed up on our fifth date in jammies.  He even blamed me one time for a brown spill in his car & said it came from my skin cause I’m brown.

  I was frustrated cause I was eating cotton candy in the theater he tells me didn’t you already eats once today. I even told him to hold my drink cause I was going to look for my medicine I was feeling faint. He throws it away and says come on. 

Should I beat him in his face Jo? He didn’t even show up at my brother’s wedding 4 months prior invite. -SID

I want to first tell you any relationship whether it is with an Asian man or ANY man for that matter that you feel you are verbally or physically abused you should end and run as far away as possible from that person.   But I think you already know that.   Most people who ask these kinds of questions know the answer in their heart, they just want a confirmation that what they are thinking is right.

I don’t condone violence in a relationship… I have been thru my share of violent men and even been at gunpoint and that is never the answer.  I do not suggest you hit him, beat him or hire anyone to hurt him.  However, I do suggest you tell him how you feel and what you think about the situation.  I think you should tell him what you’re looking for in a man and how you felt about his half-ass proposal.

There are way to many good available men of different nationalities in this world  to settle on one that doesn’t make you happy.   The one think I hear other Black American women saying is that maybe I need to change something about myself or I can change him after we marry.  No.. honey… you can’t change other people… you can only change yourself and how you react to those people.

As for marrying this guy… I think you know in your heart the answer to that… but to make it easier for you… take a piece of paper and write down the good things about him and the bad things about him.   When your finished I am pretty sure you can figure out what you should do.

Be strong little sister, there is a special someone out there for you …. Dont just settle… you deserve better than that. Life is too short to waste it on people that don’t appreciate your beauty, inside and out.

What advice do you guys have for her?  Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?