Dating Chinese Men, Sure Why Not?

Cover of the first edition
Cover of the first edition (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I have been informed by other bloggers and a good friend Jocelyn over at http://www.Speakingof; that a woman gave her opinion of dating Chinese men after only one date with one man.  Now we all know you can not do a sample size of anything to form an opinion  with only one sample.   I was told by a Japanese Scientist and good friend that you need at least three in a sample size to make an informed decision about something… at least, preferably more than that, but at least three can give you an idea.

Now… I have been considered quite an expert on the subject of dating Asian men and Chinese men, particularly.  I have dated Chinese, Korean, Phillipino, Vietnamese, Japanese, Hawaiian, Cambodian and East Indian (India to be exact) … and I can honestly say I have the knowledge and experience to tell you about dating Asian men.  I have had very serious relationships with several Asian men that eventually led to the marriage to my current Chinese husband.

Now before I get started I want to let everyone know that I am Black American and I am currently living in China.   That puts a whole new swing on it .. I know. Blows that rumor that they don’t date Black women out of the water doesn’t it?

So first of all….. for you ladies interested in dating Asian men or Chinese in particular; you need to know there is a big difference between ABC men (American Born Chinese) and FOB Chinese (Fresh Off the Boat) ….. I didn’t make up these names they are created by the Chinese folks themselves.

ABC’s are born in American, they are American.   They think like you, they dress like you, they have the same stereotypes as you.    They know what you know and they speak like you speak….. some don’t even know how to speak Chinese.   So if you want to date them… it is like dating any other man in America… some are asses and some are awesome.   Some like very thin women .. some like larger women… some like white girls… (a lot of them do) and some like women of other nationalities.    They have been jaded by the media… and but they still have a little Chinese tradition.    They still respect their parents and listen to them and they still like women that are devoted to them and will make good wives that will give them children and take care of the house.

FOB’s are very traditional in the fact that they date to marry, they are not aware of a lot of the stereotypes and they do not know American culture very well.   Their English may be limited sometimes… and they tend to be pretty shy when it comes to women.   They are not very aggressive for the most part.   They are open to some new things but prefer to stick with what they know.   As for women, they are pretty open to different women as long as the woman likes them, but they are pretty shy so you may not know if they even are interested in you. Because of this shyness they tend to stick with Chinese girls.. because they don’t really know that foreign girls are even interested in them.  They are very strong on tradition of taking care of family and parents.  They usually prefer their women to not go out a lot to the bars, and to stay home and keep a good house for them while they bring home the money for the family.

If you find a man who is currently living in China…he might be more shy that an FOB and even more traditional when it comes to wife and family.

Chinese men and I think Asian men in general tend to be very family oriented and usually date to marry.   They are taught to be the providers of the family so they will work themselves into the grave to make sure their family is financially secure.   They prefer to be the higher wage earner and are big about “face”  they would never want a woman to make them look bad in public.  This makes them feel like they cant handle their woman and they are not a real man.  Because of their devotion to being providers they may be lacking in emotional connections or they may not be as romantic as you want them to be.   But trust in their hearts you are the love of their lives…. even if he forgets to get you flowers on Valentines Day or doesn’t plan romantic dinners.

Chinese men love children for the most part…. they usually feel they are obligated to have children to carry on the family name.  But those things are changing with the younger generation.   Most Chinese men want to marry by age 30 or so, as oppose to the women that must marry before 30 or no man will want them.  (that is a long story and another blog)

A normal date with a Chinese man in China that is…. would be dinner and maybe go to a teahouse after so you can talk, then take a walk or drive.  Usually there is no kissing, and definitely no sex on a first date.   If things go well… he will call you and ask you out again and then you are most likely considered a couple.   He is on the marriage path as most Asian men are…. so if you are not willing to get married or you are just playing around…. Chinese men are not for you…..

All the Chinese men…. ABC, FOB or still in China… are looking for marriage… so it will be in the for front of their minds.   Don’t let it scare you .. you have been warned…..If they take you to meet their parents… it means they are very serious about you and you are close to the proposal stage.  Parents approval is very important to Chinese men.   It can make or break your relationship.

If the parents like you …. you should start hearing wedding bells soon… if they don’t… well… there are about a million single Chinese men around the world looking for wives.

Personally, I like the traditional thinking…I like the fact that a man wants to provide for me and take care of me.   I like the fact that he is thinking about the future and not just about a one night stand.  Personally…. I like a man who treats me like a woman.

I think that is the biggest difference between all Asian men and non-Asian men… they still treat women like women…. like they are the weaker sex… like they need to be taken care of ….and cherished.   Maybe they havent caught on to the women’s equal rights thing… or maybe they just don’t care… but they really are the head of the family and decision makers… but they still respect their women’s’ thoughts and ideals.

I guess that being said.. if you are a feminist Asian men are not for you.   If you don’t like to be taken care of … Asian men are not for you….. and if you don’t like to have a man pay for your dinner and buy you things…. Asian men are not for you.   If you like to just do things for yourself… Asian men are not for you.

So to sum it all up….. Chinese men and Asian men in general are traditional, family men.   That is not for every woman….. but for me… it is refreshing and stable and welcoming.

until next time….


30 thoughts on “Dating Chinese Men, Sure Why Not?

  1. Pingback: 2014 Blogs by Western Women Who Love Chinese Men | Speaking of China

  2. Asian Cockstar

    Wow, way to generalize a whole race. I am a really hardcore feminist who would absolutely hate being a stay-at-home mom or have a guy tell her what to do. I have also only dated Asian guys (I am white) , some even born outside of the US, who were A-ok with this and maybe even had a fetish for strong women. You just have to find ones who can think for themselves and are bored by some of the servile women in their home country.

  3. I am quite amazed. Someone mentioned shanghai girls being spoiled. Same goes for taiwan. Both think they’re upscale. I simply avoid their cocky behavior. Not hard.. considering they speak mandarin which is a turn off for me.

    I strongly disagree with the men sheltering women part. We want strong independent women, even better if they lead the relationship. Expect yourself to be contributing to the cleaning, cooking, etc. LOL Who the heck told you it would be easy? The children must go to the BEST Universities and typically that’s what AsianMothers want. We don’t care if you have an attitude cause most Chinese wives will nag the men. Chinese men work, wives take the money to buy what they think the household need. And why do we put up with it? Cause if we don’t, you’re going to tell on us. Shame us in front of our own parents.

    Typically Chinese parents treasury their sons and want them to do the right thing. Chinese parents will be greatly upset if their son doesn’t take proper care of his children and wife. They work hard all their entire life for their children, and if they find out their son is an irresponsible jerk. They’ll start questioning.

    So in this case. If a black woman want a Chinese guy. Be nice to him and his parents. Once the marriage is over. Your chinese hubby is your bag carrying servant for the rest of your life. This is creepy. You ladies are already exchanging very closely accurate information.

    Given the stereotypes of Hispanicmen leaving their family for another women. Given the stereotypes that blackmen leaving because they cannot financially support. I am more incline to be confident in the recommending of Chinese-Korean-Japanese men for women. East Asian guys will not force any religion or crap onto you like an angry redneckwhitie forcing you to vote conservative or an islamic middle eastern that wants you all covered up.

  4. tantricclub

    Thanks for sharing this wonderful post! I really appreciate this very informational post that I have found from your site. You seem to be very well-knowledgeable about Asian men and women

  5. love your nlogs Jo but as like you Im also African American woman married to a chinese man. Mine is a abc whose parents/came from China(Guang Dong) 60 years ago. My husband is 51 and let ne tell yah….he loves children. And if it were up to him we would have 5 by now(have 2@the moment_2 & 4),I know he loves me but sometimes im in doubt cause like you say..they don’t really show it. Besides that.guuurl he is lazy as f###,he really surprised me after we had our first he just got awful with his work ethics and I swear im raising a grown arse man. So one thing for sure..I don’t know what happen to him growing up but not all asian are the same lmao. He may be the only one cause I Nevrr meet an asian man like him lol.

  6. Pingback: Dating Chinese (Asian) Men, Sure Why Not? | blackandyellowambw

    1. Wu

      Hi! I know that this post has more than a year, but I think you can help me (I really need help!) I´m an argentinian girl who met a chinese boy (in Argentina). It´s been already 5 weekends that we´ve been seeing each other. We started going to the cinema, then having dinner, then having dinner at his house, and then having dinner and watching movies at his house. Because he´s here for work, he leaves alone. The thing is… he never said anything about liking me or ever show any trace of interest…I mean, like holding hands or try to hug me or kiss. I know that our cultures are really different, but when you like somebody, you somehow, let them know, right? As a girl, I´m not used to making the first move, but I´ve read some blogs stating the opposite.. what should I do? I really like him! (but I don´t know if he likes me back) I don´t want him to feel unconfortable by making the first move.. Or make him feel that I got the wrong message… 😦 Can you help me, please?

  7. sarahinguangzhou

    firstly, I’m not a girl i’m a fully grown woman. Second point:that piece was written about one date but I had detailed many dates in my blog if you bothered to read. The opinion was formed after 4 years of dates whilst living in China. Third point: not everyone is looking for the same thing. We don’t all want/need a man to take care of us. Don’t assume. And don’t attack someone you don’t even know anything about.

  8. Pingback: Dating Black Women…It’s Our Turn « Life Behind The Wall

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  10. Bruce

    Yes, I still treat women like women 🙂 . There are tons and tons of Chinese men like me out there. Don’t give up! Don’t ever listen to nonsense on sterotypes on Chinese/Asian men then you will be fine.

    1. Kandiebear

      Did you grow up in mainland China? shut up if you didn’t. Chinese guys have the reputation of being disrespectful and bossy to Chinese women. It is the history and it is the truth. I moved to the stateside 6 years ago, and I have dated 3 Chinese guys before I married a white guy. They both abused me and slapped me in the face for the reason that I was talking “shit”. Now, what are you gonna say?

      1. I say you choose the wrong guys. I don’t care what race the man is i would never have a man hit me. Also, there are good and bad people in every race. Do you think no white guy ever beat his wife?

      2. me

        try Chinese guys from Shanghai, probably nicest guy in Asia (and we got reputations across East Asia, ask a Japanese woman and you will see). btw, on the other side, guys looking for Asian girls should look out for girls from Shanghai, you bet they are spoiled, LOL.

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  12. Bruce

    🙂 finally!!! I”m very happy for all the women out there who are interested in Chinese / Asian men :). I love feminist women :).. I mean “strong” women.. another word is “iron” woman.

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  15. LovingMyself

    I like the fact that in the Asian culture or at least Chinese, that they don’t date just for the sake of dating. The traditionalism of dating with the sole intention of marriage is definitely something that I’m with.

  16. Jo, thank you so much for writing this! It’s also great that you point out many of the things I love…I also love a guy who treats me like a woman. Though I must say, I still consider myself a feminist. Maybe that makes me an outlier? 😉

  17. I actually would love to be taken care of by a man. I am not a feminist my friends in the states think that I am old fashioned. I am marriage minded. Heck I want to get married an impregnated within 6 months. I Asian men believe in a woman staying staying home with the children at least until child is school age. In fact men here think I am too antiquated in my beliefs. ABC never really found me attractive. I need help Jo you should write a the art of picking up Asian men as a blog topic. In fact there was this very cute Asian guy sitting behind me at church today. Then I got to shake his hand when we did sharing of the peace. His name was Ben but I was so clueless what to

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