Dating Black Women…It’s Our Turn


After my blog about Asian men… I got a request from a reader to do the same break down on Black woman and since it is Black History Month I thought is was the right time to do it.  I was very excited that this was the first time that an Asian man had actually asked about the different kinds of Black woman.

Then I ran into a problem…. How to describe Black women?  It is not an easy task mind you.   We are so diverse.  There are so many things that go into making a Black woman.. there is really no way to really group us.  But I thought I would do my best and narrow down the larger qualities the best I can.  Mind you .. this is only the tip of the many facets of a Black woman.

First thing first…. we Black people come in many colors… from the snow whitest of white to the darkest berry of dark.  Our physical appearance also varies, we can be very thin, athletic and sporty, waif-like, a curvy vixen, a large breasted queen, a big arse Diva… or just Fluffy and loveable.   No matter our shape or size, we are usually confident and know who we are.

English: Young black woman (cropped version)
English: Young black woman (cropped version) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Now let’s make sure we do not confused African Black Women with American Black Women, or other Black women from around the world.   We are all sisters and we can all identify with each other on a level.. but after that the differences start to stem.   Usually, just like Asian people.. we don’t want to be confused as to where we come from.   We are all very proud of who we are… so try not to mix us up…. when in doubt … ask what country we come from.

African women tend to be very proud of their country and I have met several that have told me they were princess or queens.  They are raised very traditional, not unlike Asian men actually.  They have a large amount of Africans all over the world, but the majority of them in the states are educated.  Most of come here for school and work hard to please their families back home.  Some very beautiful women come from Africa and many tend to be Muslim.  Several African women in China are married to Chinese men, but there are a few that would never “betray” their race.

Black women from Europe first have a very cool accent.  Many men find them very sexy because of the way they speak.  They also tend to be focused on education, but they also have a lot of American habits and ideals.   Some Black women from the islands lean toward traditional thinking and have usually been exposed to many Asian people.   Some may surprise you and be mixed with Asian or have Asian ancestry.

Miami Black Spring Festival 2005, Miami Beach,...
Miami Black Spring Festival 2005, Miami Beach, FL, USA – sunbathing, beach, afroamerican woman, black, Bikini, Tanga (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Now Black Americans….. where do I begin… we have some of us that are educated and strong-minded and focused on career and the future;

some of us are very traditional we want to be a housewife and take care of our men and children;

some of us are very natural and earthy we are strong on being our true and real selves they do not usually shave any hair off their bodies;

some of us are spoiled divas, we want you to buy us things and pay for our hair and clothes and trust me … we all like to look good;

some of us are very proud to be Black Women and stand by our Black men no matter what..(these I wouldn’t advise to try to date if your Asian.. they will shut you down pretty quick);

some of us are international we accept people in our lives of all nationalities and welcome the friendship;

some of us .. are unfortunately, Ghetto and loud, will pick a fight and beat you down with our shoe if we have too.  These are the women that all of us get stereotyped and grouped into by the media;

some of us are quiet and shy, lack confidence and would rather hide in a book than be out in the club;

some of us are strong single parents and can handle any problem and still have time to whip up some homemade mac and cheese, go to work and pay the bills.

Most importantly is that some of us, if not all of us… can have a little bit of all of these people inside when the situation calls for it we are versatile like that.

One thing to remember is that most of us are spiritual and believe in a higher power be it God, Allah, Buddha, or Mother Earth… our faith is strong and usually keeps us centered and helps us to overcome all the pitfalls.

Remember that we all want to be loved and respected.   We all want to be appreciated for what we do.   We have a strong sense of family, we are usually the glue to that keeps things together.

Honestly, I can say Black women are like no other women on earth.   What we have overcome as people have made us, who we are and strong as a people.  Since we were the last ones that got the right to vote because we were considered the lowest … we usually have to work harder to prove ourselves and overcome the stereotypes.

Can you fall in love with a Black women if you are an Asian man…?  Of course you can… and if you prove to be the man who she expects you to be… loving, caring, family man that takes care of her, the house, and helps with the kids.  You will have a very, very strong woman at your back.   She will make sure you are fed, your house is clean, and your kids are straight.  She will support you in good time and bad… and will even handle business if someone tries to wrong you.

Just a few last-minute notes about dating a Black women….

Don’t touch her hair without asking her, you may get a surprise and find it isn’t real.

Dont throw water on a Black woman she isn’t usually down for that.

She will usually know if you are doing something wrong and if she doesn’t know she will find out.

Dont criticize her size in any way unless you are doing it with love and approach it the right way or… you may not like how she reacts to it.

Dont disrespect her, and she will not disrespect you.

Okay… there are so many more kinds of Black women… and so many kinds of personalities… there is really no way to roll them all into one blog.

But … the best tip I can give you .. is to treat her like a lady, and give her love.  You will be greatly surprised and will reap the benefits.

If you ladies have any advice out there for my Asian male readers that can help them out… please feel free to comment, because honestly this was a tough one.

until next time….

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40 thoughts on “Dating Black Women…It’s Our Turn

  1. Pingback: Black Dating Life Coach | Dating Around Me

  2. there are many ways we can “better up” the relationshp between black pple & asians apart from dating…i wonder when we are going to see a black man/woman star in an asian drama,silly as it may sound i think it would help unite these races even if its at a low %age.i have seen asians star in african or black american movies bt never a black person in an asian film(…not that av watched all asian movies).what if we chose to make friendship with other pple based on the beauty of their heart & not skin colour….or are the colours of our hearts different?…mh i thought they are all red..

    1. I have seen Black people in Asian dramas, but they are usually stereotypically harassing or committing crimes against a character so the Asian hero can save her. Like in the Japanese Boys over Flowers when the lead female character goes in search of the male lead in NYC and is accosted by a Black gang. So that she could be saved. Most Asian drama’s still thing People in Black face and afro’s are still funny, so until they get past that, they are never going to have us depicted in a positive manner.

      Ree

  3. I agree with you. African women are the most stunning women on this planet. There are no ugly African women, you know? I mean, African women are full and sexy. OK, some American guys admitted that African ladies are strong in bed. What else do you need from a girl? Yes, they are goody. So, there are many interracial marriages between African ladies with American men, which is common.

  4. Wonderful blog! I found it while searching on Yahoo News.
    Do you have any tips on how to get listed in Yahoo News?

    I’ve been trying for a while but I never seem to get there!
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  6. Pingback: Dating Black Women…It’s Our Turn | Rays : Drops of Golden's Sun

  7. Pingback: Dating Black Women…It’s Our Turn | blackandyellowambw

    1. I am so happy and very please with this post! I’ve recently just started dating an Asian man it’s been about 5months. Some of the first things he said to me were he never thought he would be approached by a black woman and that he was surprised to find out I’m nothing at all the like the perceived loud, ghetto black females he’s seen on TV. I love how open and honest he is about his questions.

      One day we were about to go out to eat but when we got to the door of the restaurant he made us leave saying he’ll tell me why in the car. That was when I found out about the relationships between the different Asian cultures. They were Korean and he was like oh no let’s go somewhere else! Thankful for this moment because it opened up the conversation about the different types of Black women too. I’ll still send him to this article anyway though!

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  14. Chassitty

    If you are attracted to her, let her know by starting a conversation with her. It can be something as simple as…”Excuse me, but is there wifi in this restaurant?” A nice Asian man asked me this last week and while he was not interested in me that way, we struck up a friendly convo for a few minutes. Anything would work to get to know them better. Dinner, Coffee, Tea, or a drink are great ways to say: “hey, I would like to spend more time with you”- so ask her. I can say that if you are just looking to use and abuse- skip it- it’s a game she probably have seen before, do don’t do it. If she is surprised you are interested, don’t feel bad. We don’t get approached by Asian men very often. I do wonder- how would you feel if she approached you (which is a possibility)?

  15. dtfamu89

    The comment about not throwing water on us had me on the floor…cause it is true. I also had to nod my head in affirmation about touching our hair. I wear my hair natural, but I still get skeeved out when someone touches my hair…I have no idea why…It’s like I need advanced warning, have to look at the cleanliness of your hands…just raised to keep people out of my hair.

  16. As it was pointed out each Black woman is different and we’re not talking about just the shade of her skin.

    Unfortunately, Black Americans are to diverse to answer this question, manly because we are influenced by our history and environment. I commend you for even trying to tackle this question. LOL

    Okay, once you found a Black woman you’re attracted to, the next important matter is where was she raised? In the US you have Southern Black women which you will find defer from Northern, East Coast, and West Coast Black women.

    I’m a Southern Black woman. When born and raised in the South you are influenced in your upbringing with slave mentality passed on from your great great grandmother who was a slave. That slave woman gives birth to a daughter that is born free, but is raised with the slave mentality that is the only thing her mother knows. So she get paid pennies a day to pick cotton and clean houses instead of doing it as a slave. This type of women have no hopes or dreams. They only expect to marry, work hard, have babies and make sure they are fed. This mentality goes on and on with only a few that have the nerve to dream higher and bigger. However, the one that dares to dream is brow beaten by their family not to dream higher than an office job or good factory work. A Southern woman is not only influenced by her faith, but also blackmailed and smothered by it. Religion used against her to stunt her growth potential and manipulate her to now stray too far from home in her sexuality, professions, or dating decisions.

    Asian men and Southern Black women raising is very similar. We must respect our elders above all else. That means we do as we are told, when we are told by those who are older than we are. They influence who we date, who we marry, and when we marry. We let them get away with it because it physically hurts our hearts to disappoint them. When we chose a spouse they are not married to just us, they are wedded to the family and are expected to act accordingly. That means the in-laws may live with you because they are as much a part of your family as if they were your blood. We don’t believe in putting our respected elders in nursing homes, not even when they prove difficult to care for. It would be a betrayal to our raising. Our slave mentality. Asian people also have the slave mentality because they were and in many ways still are like the Black women of the south, slaves of their class distinction.

    I’m not saying you want find a few women in the South that don’t fit the mold. I’m one of them. I am now. But my life only began after my grandmother died. I lived my youth as a respectful reflection of her upbringing and my biggest fear was disappointing her. I have a diverse heritage from Irish to Cherokee to Geechie Gullah but even amongst the diversity their were prejudices in my own family such as my half Irish/half Cherokee great granny disliking the darker children over the lighter colored children. All of this influences a person when choosing a partner.

    There aren’t many Asians period in the south. Most here are family oriented and moved here already married. Or will go back to their country to find a wife even if they dated outside their race while living here for College.

    Summing it all up. An Asian man will have to be very secure with himself to date a Black woman. If you are unsure or easily swayed by your environment and or family and friends. You may not want to take this route because if you can’t defend and stand up for our love you are wasting our time. We need men who know when to be Alpha’s and don’t mind becoming a Beta when their woman exerts her independence. We are considered the strongest women of all races and men intend to forget we are also as tenderhearted, loving, and easy to be hurt as any other race of women. So regardless of the face we show you, we come with instructions… “Handle us with care.” for we are the loins of women who spent centuries in chains.

  17. Michelle Matthews

    This was spot-on. I am a Caribbean black, specifically Jamaican. I can identify with most of the characteristics you mentioned and have a serious affinity with my fellow sisters. I am also fascinated by the Korean culture and strive to learn as much as I can about them even loving the Korean dramas that are on American tv and the Internet. Growing up in Jamaica we called all Asians “Jamaican Chinese” and it wasn’t until I moved to America that I realized that there were different Asian cultures. Thank you for starting this blog. I look forward to your updates.
    Happy Blogging!

  18. Been dating Asian men for some time and this is just some stuff I came up with:

    1. “I voted for Obama” and/or “I listen to hip-hop/I love Beyonce!” should NOT be thr first things you say to her. If you do like these things, that’s fine, but don’t use them as a way to relate to her because of her race.Furthermore, do not question her “blackness” if she doesn’t like these things.

    2. A lot of women that like Asian men are also big into Asian (pop) culture. If she’s constantly asking you about some random Asian pop culture stuff you have no interest in, it’s totally fine to tell her you AREN’T interested in those things. You’re not her teacher!

    3. Likewise she’s not YOUR teacher either. Cultural exchange between two people is awesome; one-sided conversations asking her to teach you about Martin Luther King is not. Google is what research is for, not a girlfriend.

    4. Don’t get too discouraged with one black woman turns you down. It’s called meeting people and chances are you can face rejection for whatever reason. Just because THAT black woman wasn’t interested doesn’t mean that THIS isn’t or THIS one isn’t. In some case, black woman just don’t expect Asian men to talk to them since the two grows dn’t interact too much and her initial reaction may just be surprised then, “hey, you’re pretty good looking, keep talking with me.”

    5. Understand that as a black women she will probably experience some nasty things based off her race and/or her gender. When she has these moments listen to her and try to understand. She may just be telling you things because she just needed to vent. Don’t get into Opression Olympics and don’t tell her she’s overracting.

    6. You don’t need to go into the “hood” to find black women. We’re everywhere! All over the world. We’re in libraries, we’re in clubs, we’re in student organizations. And we’re online. When you see us and find us attractive, talk to us! Smile, let us know who you are and ask us out. 🙂

  19. Lori

    I enjoyed your post. The last half was funny though true! Another tip. Don’t push a black woman in the pool! Even if she can swim. And especially if she just got her hair done!!!!

  20. Mayia

    That’s very interesting, from your posts on Asian men and black women, it seems like you emphasize the diversity of black women far more than you do the diversity of Asian men. Just an observation. Thanks for the post.

    1. That maybe so because i am a Black Woman and i know my own people more. However in return Asian men have some long time common traditions that are instilled at an early age that easily define who they are. Because we Black women don’t have a stable history due to slavery and the civil rights movement we have kind of formed our own individual identities out of necessity.

  21. I’m a black woman married to a Chinese man. My advice to you Asian brothers:

    1. You like her, go after her. BUT don’t be too pushy or become a stalker if she says no more than 2 times, especially if it is not a playful “no” but a RESOUNDING, NO DOUBT IN MY MIND “NO”. (send her flowers…not a lot, just a few…or even a single, long stem rose).

    2. However, if you are too shy, that might be a turn-off.

    3. DON’T under any circumstances keep bringing up the fact that you don’t have a lot of money! She doesn’t necessarily care about that. Just prove to her that you are a hard worker, but not working so hard that you take away time from her.

    4. If you put your family’s opinions about who you marry first, then you already lost her. (They are NOT the ones who will wake up next to her every morning, love her in the night, fight with her, or raise children with her…YOU ARE).

    5. Don’t under any circumstance let her fight her own battles against some ignorant people who don’t understand who she is or why you love her.

    6. Finally, don’t doubt her love. She offered it to you, she won’t take it back for good reason.

    Jo—Hope this helps. It is ALL based on my dating and marriage experience.

  22. Michelle

    Very good, I enjoyed it. I think the main thing is men of other ethnicities should not be intimidated by us, yes we are strong and independent, but we have a soft side too.

  23. Jessica

    That was a good blog, the size one hit home..another thing, women with natural hair feels that Asian men wouldn’t like her hair. It would make them feel good..that doesn’t matter you are still beautiful.
    Number One (in my book)…Don’t take her for grate..Treat her well, she will have your back until the end.. We can be everything you need..

    1. Jessica, you will find it surprising how self-conscious I was about my natural hair and my husband’s reaction to it….He loves my curly hair so much, if I say I am going to blow it out to get it trimmed, he has a fit! He hands me my satin cap when I forget to put it on. He caresses my hair when I don’t feel well…So natural ladies, if you take care of your hair (it is clean, maintained), then don’t be afraid to show him all of you…including your hair.

    2. I went natural while living in Japan and if anything I got more attention from men because of it. When I returned to the states, again, not an issue. A lot of guys honestly didn’t seem to care one way or the other. My boyfriend loves my short afro and/or when I wear twists. LOL he used to try to touch my hair but stopped when his hand would be covered in shea butter and daily moisturizer.

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