Life Behind The Wall

Rainbows and Waterlilies… its not


I know I have been AWOL for a while but a lot has been going on…. soo much that I don’t even know where to start….. I guess I should start with the major thing…. my husband and I have decided to get divorced.   Now before everyone gets upset and shocked and surprised and … well faints…. let me tell you the reasons.

It has nothing to do with culture differences and long distance relationships… but everything to do with two people who are not on the same path.  We start out five years ago… on the same path to happiness, but somewhere down the line… he started taking a different path.   He has taking the money path.   Living in China there are a lot of societal pressures for a chinese man… I cant put all the blame on society though… I have to put some blame on him.   He has been brainwashed into believing that money is god…. and money will fix everything and money is happiness.  In China that is a common belief, they believe in money.

I am much different…. I use money as a means of survival but it doesn’t rule my life.  It has gotten to the point that money has become before me his wife.

It is a funny thing about marriage to a local chinese man, the wife is not first in their life….. at least not if you are married to a Chinese man without money.   First is work, then its parents, himself, his friends… and then the wife.  The long distance didn’t help…. promises to come visit were broken… promises to eventually live together again were also broken.

I guess you can say…. we grew apart…. in a way.   The funny thing is that there are no fights, no arguments, no heated discussions… just conversation about the future and what it holds…. and it seems our futures do not match up.   However, he still claims he will visit me when he has time… or help me if I need something….(not really sure if he understands what divorce means)…..he even called and asked me about his day….. right after we decided to divorce…crazy I know….. the moment I knew it had to end was  when he said to me….. “Divorced or marriage it is the same thing to him” …. well that is definitely a problem if he cant tell the difference.

So, i decided that it is not what I want in a marriage…. things have changed from before…. no more fun trips, no more funny conversations… no more happy times together….. now his mind is focused only on money.   His money… and his future.

I am okay… actually…. I guess I have lived alone here in china for over a year… and although i get lonely sometimes…. I am good.  It doesn’t mean I have given up on Asian men…. it doesn’t mean… i am going to race back to america….and it doesn’t mean my life is now over…. I did not come to China to find a husband….. I came to China for a new life.. and a new adventure…. and I think this is just the next chapter in the exciting adventure I call my life.

There are things that I can experience and do … that I wouldn’t do before due to my devotion to marriage and what it stands for….. by living in China… I have found that marriage doesn’t stand for the same things that we think it does in the states.   Here marriage really is a piece of paper…. most locals see it as a way to have kids…. or get a house and a car…. or as a duty to their parents.   Funny how thinking changes when you have lived in another culture for so long.

I will slowly close the chapter on my married life and open the book to my single dating life…. dating black in China…. proves to make some interesting blog entries.   I guess in the book of my life… this will be filled with a lot of new experiences…..

I am known for reinventing myself… and starting over…. for me .. it is another start to a new beginning.  I havent given up on love…. but I may have given up on marriage…. at least in the American sense of the word.   I think companion ship is enough…. I have always been married or in a relationship.  I have always taken care of other people… and been very supportive of my friends and family…. I think…. in this phase of my life…. I will be selfish…. and take care of just me….

I am still young-ish and beautiful… and I still attract men from around the world… maybe this will be my plan for a while.   I have a lot of opportunity here… and career wise I am at the top of my game… so…. we are doing what is best for us…

Dont worry ladies… I am still one of the experts on dealing with Asian men… and relationships…. I just have to remember that …. it takes two people to make a marriage work…. and In my case… I was the only one trying….


until next time…..



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