My War With the Toilet!

Guys… I am telling you the Chinese toilets are bound to kill me one day…. they are after me….. don’t laugh…. my latest encounter…. is the battle of the iPhone….

Just two weeks ago… I was rushing off to class… and I realized I had to go to the bathroom… and knowing I only have five minutes…I showed up in class..put down my books and laptop…. on the desk… and told the class I will be right back…. I am running to the bathroom.

Now I usually carry my phone in my bra… that way… my girls protect it…. but this day..I wore pants with back pockets…so ..I slide the phone there .. so I could … carry all my other stuff…..

I ran to the bathroom.. and I had waited a little longer than I should have.. so I was dancing around trying to get my pants down without peeing on myself….. then …. I heard and saw it at the same time…. I pulled down my pants and plop….. my phone fell down in the hole…. it did not stop… it did not pass go.. it just made a hole in one…. right into the toilet….

squatty potty

I really didn’t have time to think about it.. because I still had to go pee…. so I just squatted over my phone … and peed and cried at the same time…… there was no way… I was going to stick my hand down a Chinese toilet to get my phone back anyway…. and it wouldn’t have worked if I had retrieved it… so I just peed and cried…. until… all the water was out of my body….my heart was broken… that is the second phone… in two years .. I have dropped down a toilet…the other one was at a bar.. and I grabbed it.. but the water had already ruined it….the man at the Apple shop said… the water had been to contaminated…. figures…

So … the war.. is on.   Chinese Toilets vs Jo…… I already have trouble using the damn things…. my pee doesn’t want to cooperate .. and sometimes.. I can’t hit the stupid hole…… or there are days… I can’t get back up…. and there are no handles to pull yourself back up…. (which I have requested.. and no one listens to me).    Calling someone to the stall to help you stand up .. is not common behavior.

One Canadian lady.. had a funnel…. and went in the stall…. I asked her.. when she came out… and was washing it in the sink what was that for… she said… so she can hit the hole…. we both laughed….. however.. carrying a funnel to the bathroom everyday at school might look kind of strange.

My students got a big kick out of Teacher Jo dropping her phone in the toilet.   They all made phone jokes… throughout the day…. in their speeches.. they said things like…. “to use your phone to study English is very helpful… unless you have dropped it in the toilet and you have no phone” ... the little bastards…. aren’t funny…..

So… this week I am buying a new phone…. and of course Jet suggested I buy the largest phone on the I don’t throw it in the toilet…. I informed him… I didn’t THROW it … it fell….he just shook his head….no happy ending for him tonight.

So… boys and girls…. I have declared war…. and I will not let the Chinese toilet win….. I will wrap the phone tightly around my neck…. or duct tape it to my body… but it will not.. fall in the toilet again, Damn it.


until next time…..


9 thoughts on “My War With the Toilet!

  1. adrienne

    I imagine I will have the same issues with getting back up from the toilet and aiming. I am suppose to move to china in the next month.

  2. Mayte

    Oh no, Jo!

    I had a giggle as I know you’re not the only one to deal with this but Jet has a point….get a bigger phone or maybe a belt chain for that thing so you don’t have to worry about it so much.

  3. Oh no! My phone had a sad accident when it fell out of my back pocket when I got undressed. Fortunately, I was getting ready for bed, so I just got a crack in my phone, not a, ugh, toilet waterlogged phone. Back pockets are trouble for phones! Add that to a squatter and… ugh.

  4. Lor

    Girl that happened to me years ago when I was in Italy. Some of the train stations have just the hole in the ground. Thankfully, I had a cheap cellphone, but it still hurt to see it go down!

  5. martin fennell

    Sorry to hear about your phone. But was the floor clean, could you not just have left your phone on ther floor beside you.

  6. Dionus Jones

    Ah, Jo. I’m sorry to hear about your phone. Japanese toilets are just as gross. You might need to get a strong clip that protects your phone & is easy to take off. No toilet jokes from me.

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