I recently had a run in with a Black American woman who lives here in China that I thought was a friend… I don’t want to get into it too much but the jus of the heated discussion was the fact that she considered me “not loyal”. Now.. I am many things …. and have been called many things… but never has my loyalty come into question, because I consider myself one of the loyalist people on the planet. So this really basically … pissed me off.. and I actually for the first time in a long time lost my cool. (which I try to never do) …..
After I cooled down… I thought about my life and my friends…. I realize that I have had issues with Black women my whole life…. (my family is an exception) ….. I have never really fit in to the “group” …. and I have noticed that I have put a lot of energy and effort into trying to form these Black Female friendships to always end up getting upset, angered or hurt by them.
I have always wanted that long-term best Black girlfriend relationship I see that other people have…. but it never works out. I am really not sure why… Black women have issues with me. I have always tried to be supportive of all Black women… whether it be in relationships or business. I give advice and support in any way I can, but it is always one-sided. I have had very, very few Black woman actually do something caring and supportive in return. Now, I know when you help people you shouldn’t expect things in return, however, there has to be a point when you want to help your friend when they need it … because they have help you out so many times. However, that doesn’t happen to me. It seems many Black women I have helped in the past have short memories. Once their issue is taken care of ….. I don’t exist anymore.
So, this situation today…. pushed me over the edge. I was told I wasn’t loyal because when a friend had issues with a boss in a company I also worked for….. I didn’t quit my job as soon as it happened. (besides the fact that after I got a new job, I did leave that employer)... the fact that I stayed a couple of months longer…. I wasn’t loyal. I am sorry… but is that what loyalty means? That if your friend suffers .. you need to suffer too? .. Have it got it all wrong here? In my mind, when your friend has issues you do what you can to help them…. but if you are suffering too… then how can you help them out of their situation?
Maybe, I don’t understand what is required to be a loyal friend. Maybe that is why I can’t form close relationships with Black woman…… I guess I am not a ride or die ….. and that is why people don’t want long-lasting friendships with me. It is made me rethink this support system I have created for my “close” friends. I honestly love my Black sisters but maybe I am just doing too much or maybe my definition of friend is different. Well, Time to re-evaluate how I do things….. and just be happy with the friendships I have formed with women of other nationalities.
until next time…….