Intercultural /Interracial Relationships: Racism


Hello Boys and Girls, I wanted to do a blog on my new relationship but I wanted to focus on some of the issues we are going to encounter that I feel I didn’t have to deal with when dating Asian men.

Let me explain. As a Black American dating an Asian man I had the normal cultural differences to deal with like the food, the family and the strange habits. But I didn’t have to deal so much with racism. I mean there are a few incidences where it was an issue but nothing to serious. It was more focused on the point of being a foreign person not really a skin color issue. I think that was because we were both considered minority races. In the eyes of many Caucasian people we were pretty much the same.

However, now that I’m with a European, a White European at that, the cultural issues are only a small part but the racial issues have become more apparent. The obvious difference in the color of our skin has brought out the devil in many people. We seen it a million times, when a white man starts dating a Black woman first there is shock then there is hate.

I’m not sure why so many people are concerned with our relationship but it seems to bother a lot of people. Mind you our relationship is wonderful. He is a caring and loving man and I love being with him. (Just in case he is reading this, haha) but I have gotten some kickback. Especially from my own people lately.

I have received DMs telling me I need a Black man with emphasis on sexual prowess or I need to find a Black King or even I’m messing up the race. (That was from an African)

It made me realize that it could cause issues when we start traveling around the world, especially in America. I mean if my people are already acting out on it, just wait and see what the White people will do. I realized that there are some places in the world that won’t be accepting of our relationship.

When I mentioned this to the German he was in disbelief. He seriously couldn’t imagine that it could be an issue because it’s not an issue in his mind. I mean it is 2021, you would think we would be past this already.

Unfortunately, when you are in an interracial-intercultural relationship these conversations still need to be had. Sadly in this day and age people still have issues with couples with different skin colors. I also didn’t take into consideration the fact that he is German and many people are still dealing with the issues in German history that aren’t so pretty. He deals with discrimination due to his nationality.

I know, I know … the first thing you want to say is F them and live your life. But encountering racism or discrimination puts a damper on your Romantic vacation or romantic dinner that sticks with you for a long time.

So I decided to prepare my German by showing him some movies on what issues interracial couples go through even today. I think it’s important for him to know that not everyone approves of our love. We have also discussed how we will deal with these encounters if the come up. I promised not to cut anyone or punch anyone in the throat.

If you have any movie suggestions please put them in the comments. I’m not trying to scare my man off but I just want him to be aware. As my grandma Dorothy always said “prepare for the worst and hope for the best”.

Until next time ….

12 thoughts on “Intercultural /Interracial Relationships: Racism

  1. hapilove

    Girl Jo,
    Let me tell you my extended family (parents/grandparents were decreased) had no issue with my dark complexion Bangladeshish ex-husband; however, he turned out to be a SoB. It was about him getting his green card. One female cousin blamed me for him leaving; this woman had no idea what I was going through with this guy. I was too ashamed to admit I chose the wrong guy for me. I never told my extended family what a dog he was.

    On the other hand, if I had suggested dating a wm my some of my coworkers and extended family seemed to have an issue. I had a personal issue that arose, my wm friend in Canada was the one who showed me continued support both emtionally and financially. He showed more support than my brother.

    Jo, continue to live your life just the way you have been…on your own terms. I am so proud of you for living and loving on your own terms.😊😁😀🙂 You make me think of women like Cher and Madonna they live their lives to please themselves., and they give the world their middle fingers. They do not give two cents what others think.
    Somewhere along the way I allowed myself to care too much about what others thought about MY LIFE, big mistake. I just gave up on dating because I really didn’t want to date within my culture, enough said.
    Yes, our people can be so restrictive when it comes to bw dating other cultures of men; although, many bm have no issue dating and marrying out. Some of those guys will use stereotypes to justify why they date/marry out. Just do it and stop knocking bw while you are on your way out the door.

    Thus far, your guy appears to be what you need at this moment in time. I live in New Orleans and a few bw here and there are bold enough to date and marry out; that’s a big deal for us down here. I wished I had the nerves when I was still in my twenties. I am happy to see younger bw finding happiness outside of the bc.
    Some say a wm and a bw are a power couple. Just develop a thicker skin and keep it moving:)

    Peace to the both of you.

    1. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that guy. Thank you for your support. I’m lucky my family is very multicultural and doesn’t mind who I date. Actually they would freak out if I actually showed up with a BM. I think people feel I hate my color or my race but I don’t. I love my people and who I am. I just happen to not find a BM that I match with. The German gives me what I want and need and respects me and motivates me to achieve more. He is a great guy and I am so happy to have him in my life. Like you said I am always going to do what I want and live my life.

  2. pearls

    First things first. They can go to HELL! They don’t matter, period. It’s good to prepare him since its targeted at you. Yet, it’s their problem, not yours. My older nephew has a caucasion wife. They’ve been together for maybe 15 years with 10 yo twin sons. No family or friends issues to-date. Those people are jealous because they know you’ll be taken care of, so protect your mind and strengthen your emotions.

  3. I understand your dilemma all to well having been in a similar situation. I’m now in my 60’s,but as a teenager my first relationship was with a white young man. WOW! I was very naive, and my family was not supportive.
    Over the years the most important lesson I learned is you must become “thick skinned: quickly. Sadly the worst offenders were Black Folks. Thankfully I did have a very supportive friend, whom is still a friend today. You do learn very quickly to ignore people and gather with others who share your views. I found comfort and friendship with these individuals. LIVE YOUR LIFE YOUR WAY. I hope you find true happiness with each other. Many blessings.

      1. shanchan

        Don’t pay any attention to the negative feedback. Many black women are just now realizing its ok to date out and that triggers some folks. I’ve dated interracially since I was a teen (I’m 42 now) and I have no regrets. Continue to live your life however you want and focus on your own happiness!

  4. Jemineye

    It is nobody’s business who you decide to date. It infuriates me how as black people we are too busy kicking and fighting each other for not being pro black enough, not dating someone of the same race, not dating someone of the opposite sex, not speaking using a certain dialect; the list is endless. We pick and pick at each other rather than letting people live and let live. It’s why I honestly think we will never come together as a people with all this nonsense going on. So do you and date whoever because these people on your DMs aren’t paying you a salary, aren’t paying no bills. They have no say.

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