Just Ask

Have some questions you have been wanting answers to?  Want some tips on dating Asian men or women?  Are you Asian and you want some tips on starting a relationship with a foreigner?  Are you just wanting to know about dating outside your race?  Wondering about living in China or making the move to another country?   Or do you just want to hear my opinion on a topic… because I am quite opinionated……

I will post and answer your questions… no holds bar… ask me anything and I will answer it…with the truth…whether you like it or not…….. hey… Just Ask

Email your questions to me at…. blkdiamondkelly@yahoo.com … they will be posted and answered in the order received.  Every question answered.

Here we go…..

I am a teacher on the military base here although my hubby and I are not military we are allowed on the base to work and shop. We live off-base and my daughter goes to the local school. I chose that for her instead of the American school. She loves it and her Japanese is quite good.

We go through homesickness when I think about how I can run to Wal-Mart for something but other than that not so much. I guess it is because of the base. We in fact go to the states every year but last year we only stayed 2 weeks because we wanted to come home (back to Okinawa). LOL

But I wanted to start a blog of my own of my experience here with the locals and being black in Okinawa, which is quite different from a black experience in Japan I understand.

How do I go about getting or starting a blog? Yours is beautiful. I have not read it all because everything is blocked at work so I have to do it at home, but I plan to read more.

Also, whenever I visit somewhere I always like to visit the REAL places not the tourist places. So perhaps you can clue me in as to what to see and where to stay that is fun but not so touristy (if that is a word). LOL but I DO want to see the Great Wall though. I may be asking for too much huh? LOL

Thank you so much for reading my blog.. and for the compliment.  When I wanted to start a blog… I first had a lot of trouble… since so many websites are blocked in China.  You will probably not have that problem in Japan.   Then I noticed that several of my very good friends had their blog sites….. and  that is how I found the site my website is on.  WordPress.com … It was about the only one that I could find that was free, first and that I could read in China (most of the time) .. What is also nice about this website is that they help you to design and create your site.

Also, you’re not asking too much… what I have learned in China is that the educated people are actually interested in foreigners and are happy to befriend you.   But they are usually to afraid to talk to you at first. So, when traveling in China and you stop at a restaurant filled with Chinese folks and you see someone smile at you speak to them.  More than likely they want to say something to you but do not know how to start.   Most Chinese I have met this way are very, very kind and will be happy to tell you or even show you where the great spots are in their town.   I do know that Zhejiang Province is one of the richest ones in China so you must visit.  (that is where I am) Also if you go to the big cities you are usually going to see things similar to any other big city in the world.  It is the small Cities, towns and villages you must visit to see the traditional old stuff that most people are interested in.. So make a new friend and ask them what small town or village they would suggest you visit.   The Great Wall, Palaces, and Terracotta Warriors are nice.. but ever one sees them.. and they are in the North of China….I am in the South.. where Hangzhou City is located… and Shanghai… best thing is to be open to different things, because you will be amazed when you see what you can find.

84 thoughts on “Just Ask

  1. Hi. I don’t know if this thread is still active, but I’m going to try my luck anyways.
    I’ve started talking to a Chinese guy who is working in Manhattan.
    I am from Chinese origins but 3rd generation in Mauritius island.
    He is physically my type, but i’m worried to say something that would turn out wrong. I’ve tried to joke about the fact that Chinese people tend to be judgemental about sinos who do not know how to talk Mandarin from other countries and he kinda took it the wrong way.

    Do you maybe have some advice about stuffs/subjects that should not be talked about or referred to when having conversations? are there some stuffs that should not be mentioned cause this may offend them and is sensitive?

    Even though I’m from chinese decent, there’s not much left from our culture that has been passed on through the generations.
    Thanks for your help

    1. Hi thanks for your question. Well first of I’m assuming he is young. In that case you can pretty much talk about whatever you want. I think the only no no’s are government, and any negative things about China. Other wise just be yourself. They don’t get jokes and sarcasm. It just doesn’t translate over for them. They like physical humor. I think you will be fine. Just remind him that you are not FOB chinese. Good luck hon.

      1. Thank you so much for your reply!
        Yes, I’ve done jokes several times and it indeed does not translate xD and I have to explain what I meant and it loses its charm.

        But what do you mean by physical humor? Could you elaborate please?

  2. Sara

    Hi, really like your blog. I’ve become a fan. Planning to come teach in China next year. Would love to pick your brain about finding a good school to teach at. Also being a side business owner in the states I would be interested in hearing about how you got into your side business in China. Feel free to email me acs0785@yahoo.com. Thanks a bunch ☺️

  3. Ashleigh

    Your life sounds so interesting. I’m a white American woman dating a Vietnamese American man. Do you know anything about Vietnamese men?

  4. Stefani

    Adore your blog, catch us up on your new where abouts! Awaiting more posts, also I will be emailing you with some questions! I wish you the best, check back soon.

    Lots of love your way,

  5. Carly Walker

    I am ecstatic I found your blog. I am moving to Zhuhai in south Guandong October 2015…..please tell me I can find black hair care products there. I am bringing quite a bit of relaxer and shampoo but fear that should my hair needs change I’ll have no where to turn.

    Can you point me in the right direction?

  6. Lyn

    Hi, I have spent the last hour or so reading your blog. Since I am considering relocating overseas I have begun to follow different blogs. I am now a follower of your blog. I am read to make changes in my life and relocating is high on my list. I would love to email you from time to time with questions and comments, I hope that would be okay.

    Take care… 🙂

  7. Hi! I don’t know how I found your blog but I spent about 2 hours reading through it, and then I subscribed of course. I plan on moving to China with my family in about a month… I’m wondering what VPN do you use? We don’t want to get over and not be able to access many things.

  8. Noor

    You have no idea what I’ve been through as a single mom and a rape victim. I’m also mixed race and I always dreamed of going to China. My ex husband got me pregnant on purpose against my will. I don’t know how the divorce process will go, I’m not a rich person who can easily afford a good lawyer. I always wanted to marry with a Chinese and live in China. I hope my dream comes true and I will still be able to be accepted by society, or that Chinese parents will accept me to be with their son. Your blog brought me to tears and gives me so much hope. I am not black and used to live in a mostly black neighborhood, I know the stereotypes people put on Black women. But anyone who has been through a lot as a single parent has to be strong. If I find a good husband the next time, I hope he can take the lead. Your blog has enriched my life, thank you.

    1. wow… I think you are a very strong woman… and I am very honored to know that you have found my blog helpful to you. I honestly believe that dreams can come true and everyone deserves happiness. I think if you want to come to china… save your money, get your passport, find an online job… and come on over. I wish you all the best of luck in the future and keep doing what you are doing… stay positive

  9. I just came back from a 2 1/2 week visit to China and you are absolutely right about people wanting to talk to you. I had several experiences where I noticed people smiling at me, who clearly wanted to talk. I struck up a conversation with them, within the limits of their English, and it was always delightful.

  10. Terra

    Hello! I really love your site, it really made me feel it would be possible to travel and thrive abroad. Your posts really encouraged me to step outside of my comfort zone!
    I am trying to go abroad to teach English after graduation in the spring and I will be aiming towards Taiwan. Have you ever visited Taiwan or know anything to expect? Or perhaps someone who would know a little more about it? Also, are there any things you wish you’d known when you first traveled to China about living abroad?

  11. I am living in the other side of the world with my bicultural/biracial daughter while you live in my home land oversea. Love has no color, doesn’t it? I admit me as an Asian woman who dates western men, I don’t know many Western women who dates Asian men, especially African-American lady 🙂 , but I love your stories! To be honest to you, I have experienced Africa American women point at me said I was so rude before only because I was not comfortable to say hey to them first(in fact, I still don’t feel comfortable to do so :-))

    I started an interracial relationship blogs Asian Western Romance at 2010 but stop for a while for a personal issue. But its visitor keep growing over time. Now I decide to back to the blogging world and planning to add something new such as interracial blog interview. I believe my visitors would love to see the different point of view more than just from an Chinese woman. I am wondering if I can have an interview with you, so we can learn about your life and stories in China.

    Thank you very much and I looking forward to hear from you.

  12. cj

    I am a 50 year old Black woman coming to China with China program in August. I will teach English in Shenzhen for a year. I am beginning to understand that this is akin to to being Private Benjamin on mars.

    At fifty racism is not foreign to me, even in other countries and languages. But I am sensing that China may prove to be more than I bargained for. My age,gender, and race seems like a liability. Thank you for your blog. I appreciate any thoughts you might have.


    1. @CJ… yep… you are going to be facing a few difficulties… but….I think you will be okay. Tolerance is the key to survival over here… and I am only an email away. (smile). Your going to a big city so you will have other foreigners around to get you through the hard times… no worries..

  13. Hi! So I recently found your blog and it feels like a god send. I am a college student and I will be studying abroad in shanghai for the semester. I have quite a few concerns and no one to really address them I.e black girl problems. The first is hair I generally do weaves but I am concerned about finding a stylist and was wondering if ly could give me any leads. The next may sound superficial but it’s my weight. I’m average to skinny by us standards at 5’8 and like 135lb but I know the in most Asian cultures this is far from the norm. I don’t normally care about my weight but I already know I’m going to stand out so I don’t want to I guess exacerbate the situation. If you could please give me some tips I would really appreciate it! My gmail aknights10@gmail.com

  14. Hi! So I recently found your blog and it feels like a god send. I am a college student and I will be studying abroad in shanghai for the semester. I have quite a few concerns and no one to really address them I.e black girl problems. The first is hair I generally do weaves but I am concerned about finding a stylist and was wondering if ly could give me any leads. The next may sound superficial but it’s my weight. I’m average to skinny by us standards at 5’8 and like 135lb but I know the in most Asian cultures this is far from the norm. I don’t normally care about my weight but I already know I’m going to stand out so I don’t want to I guess exacerbate the situation. If you could please give me some tips I would really appreciate it!

  15. rotchell

    I would like your opinion on something. Two weeks ago i met up with a chinese guy that i have been chatting with and skyping with. Funny thing is…he know that i was very tall but he didn’t seem to care. When we finally met up he was all over me. He got a hotel here in NY so we can spend the weekend together. we both had a wonderful time. When he return to Boston he stopped contacting me.I remember our last text to each other after he returned to Boston was about sex. He had issues in the bedroom. If u know what i mean lol. could that have been it? Are chinese men that sensitive? I don’t know. What do you think?

  16. Kaiya

    Hi there! Love reading the blog and seeing a black woman living a successful life in an Asian country with a great loving husband at that. This question has been on my mind a lot. It seems like whenever someone decides to live in an Asian country they always become teachers. So I was wondering is that the only way one can get to China, Japan…etc, is teaching the ONLY job a foreigner can get or is it one of the easiest jobs to get as a foreigner?

  17. Fantastic website! The cultural experience you are having in China is worthy of study and documentation, hence the blog! Like my boi at Racepizza.com says, “color is only a pigment of your imagination”.


  18. LovingMyself

    Hi Jo,

    First of all I just want to say I love your blog. I really do. You’ve opened me up to viewing China in a different light. When you write about your experiences there, good and bad and in-between, it makes me feel like I’m right along there with you. Thank you.

    I’m a reader but never a commenter. This is my first! Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that. I have a few questions or moreso your opions on a few things I would like your take on. I don’t know if you have a public e-mail address that you use for this purpose. I’m 21, and I’m thinking about going to China to teach English, but I’m just thinking about it right now.

    And you always mention trying to live your life to the fullest and doing things that are uncomfortable… I’m losing my train of thought 🙂

    I hope to hear from you!
    Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?

  19. Sunny

    I found your blog through another Black American female traveler’s site. I was really curious to read your blog because of your ethnic background, gender and the fact that you live in China. I guess after reading your blog I discovered something about myself…my own ignorance in regards to a Black woman who is willingly living in the People’s Republic of China…never would have believed it until I read it. Even though I do not know you I have a lot of respect for you by moving to a foreign country, willingly facing the inequalities head on by being a person of color in a foreign land and slowly changing the negative views of Black people, dating outside of your race (kudos), and taking the time to share your life with us in a country that many find intriguing
    Thank you!

  20. Lex

    Miss Jo,

    I love how you style your hair! I was wondering, do you do your own hair? If not where and how did find a stylist in China? Thanks!

    1. @Lex…. thank you… however, this is not my hair…. i do my own hair and I usually use weaves and wigs… However, there is an African lady in Yiwu, Zhejiang Province that is famous for doing hair here. she has a shop there.

  21. An American friend that recently married his Chinese fiancé and lives in rural China near hangzhou in the tea growing area there is looking for a job.

    When he first arrived in China, he taught English in the northeast but after a few years, he took time off to see China and ended up publishing “China: Portrait of a People”.

    However, being a freelance photojournalist and author does not provide a steady income, so he is looking for a more traditional job such as teaching English again.

    Any suggestions?

    1. @Lloyd .. Actually Lloyd he isnt far from me… and if he wants to teach English again.. i have a friend that owns an agency that can hook him up with a job in his area. Otherwise, there are always jobs that have much lower pay in the Hangzhou area that he can do .. like customer service for trade companies, or other manufactures that need QA people.. because they need someone that knows American standards. If he wants me to give him my friends contact info… have him email me… yinglai69@gmail.com

  22. I really love you writtings. I am an African American woman and I use to travel to china for business in my 20’s. I am now in my early 40’s.

    I never understood a lot of their customs..People would just talk, point at me and stare.. From your readings, I now got a clearer understanding of what was going. Thank you for your writtings about your adventures. I can’t wait to read more..


    1. It came up in my links under the same tag. Your blog is good… gives a honest and different view point. I am always open to all opinions. I think it makes for an totally rounded person. Keep blogging

  23. oralenglish

    first of all , i am a chinese and i am live in chinese now. what i want to say
    here is that ,maybe china ,with a history of 5000 years ,is good place to visit ,and also it is a place to earn money, though not as perfect as USA. but in no way ,it is a proper country for any mankind to live.this is all because the fucking government. they shit our life ,and then lie to the public . i can never endure this condition any more,and ,i think ,many chinese have the same idea like me. so can anyone surfing this blog have spare time to talk with me in english through the Internet to help improve my oral english.i can do anything i can to pay back.thank you very much.
    PS: skype msn AIM gtalk ,and so on , any tools is ok.
    my gmail: xinearping@gmail.com

    1. @oralenglish…. there are many places on the internet you can find people to help you with your english. I also suggest you join some of the QQ groups… that some of the foreign teachers have set up to help local people speak english. Thank you for reading my blog.

  24. I love your blog!

    I got a question if you don’t mind.. Since you’re the only black woman living in china I know off. Do you never worried about your future children?

    I’ve just watched a cellphone video that disturbed me more than anything I’ve seen.. one white (around 8 year old) child bumped into a elderly Chinese woman and a whole crowd of people swooped down and started to kick him and crushed his little arms and hands (I’m not making this up, I got the link but I don’t think you want me to post it) and all the while men and women were laughing at this ‘foreigner’ I couldn’t watch more than that. I can’t help to think what would happen if it had been a black child if they did that to a white child..

  25. David


    I have a question regarding tea. I be living in Hangzhou for the next 5-6 months and was wondering how to get organic tea (I know that the Chinese use a lot of pesticides on their tea)? Any suggestions?

    Best regards

    1. Actually…. in the small cities.. they do not use pesticides…. they think it is bad for your health. But if you go to a small traditional teashop… in a village you will be able to find it. However.. it will probably on be the green teach…. Dragon Well tea comes from other parts of China .. so i cant promise you it will be pesticide free. But the pesticides in China are not very good… anyway…. they do not stop the bugs….hehehe… I suggest you go to …. any of the villages near Hangzhou…. Or come here to Yuyao… I am only 1.5 hours away from you.

  26. I’ve been absent for a while, but now I remember why I used to love this website. Thanks , I’ll try and check back more often. How frequently you update your site?

  27. Do you mind if I quote a few of your articles as long as I provide credit and sources back to your blog? My blog is in the exact same area of interest as yours and my users would really benefit from a lot of the information you provide here. Please let me know if this ok with you. Appreciate it!

  28. MsMica

    Hi Jo.

    I have spent the last several days reading the archives of your site. From the first, I have immensely enjoyed all of it!

    I was researching life in China for expats, because I will be spending this summer in Suzhou (SIP to be exact) for work and I was looking to see what different people had to say.

    Now that I’ve read your last post, I knew that I had to stop and say hello and thanks for sharing!

    I hope you are well and I look forward to your next one!

    1. @Mica… I am so glad I could help… actually you will be about 4 hours from me in Suzhou.. and it is a very, very beautiful place…famous for its many gardens and it is like of like a river town.. so you will like it. It is not so big.. but very nice.. I plan to visit there on one of my days i have free…to take photos and blog.. so let me know when you get there… and thank you so much for reading.

      1. Hi Jo, I’ll be around ALL SUMMER…;-)… so I’ll definitely keep in touch.
        At this point, everything’s done but the waiting for my flight this Sunday (6/5)… but now my nerves are starting to get the best of me…. deep breaths!

      2. Hi Jo…. I just wanted to drop you a quick note to say hello and let you know that I made it!
        Its been a whirlwind trip already and I’ve only been here 4 days.

        This is certainly oversharring, but, I had my first experiences with squatty potties last night…. Without going into too much detail, lets just say it did not go well….hahhahhaaaa!

        My initial instinct to boycott the bathrooms at work (I work in a factory office) was well founded…. luckily for me, our factory owner took pity on his unsuspecting American guests and had a set of full commodes installed in the new office suits he’s building next door…. just a few more days and I can start having liquids before 2pm again!


  29. Lala Jenkins

    Hey Jo, I love reading your blog. Coming at you from Detroit. You have such an exciting life over there in China. Can you tell us a little more about your husband? Is he a teacher like you are? What are some of the things you too have in common? Keep blogging 🙂


  30. Ricky Tsao

    Originally born and raised in Shanghai, I’m living in the San Francisco area in northern California. I’m currently dating a black woman. She’s 25 and I’m 30. Have lots of pics on facebook but no personal website yet. ( funny because I’m a web developer! lol )

    I’m hoping to visit China soon. I’ve never been back since I’ve left for America in 1987. Hope you are enjoying yourself and hope chat with you soon.


    1. @Ricky… I am happy to hear from you… I am not far from Shanghai so i hope we will get to meet sometime. Shanghai will be a little bit easier for your girlfriend then the other smaller cities. There are many foreigners around and several Chinese men that date them. Although, you will run into a few haters, it wont be so bad. I wish you the best.

  31. Lianne

    I think your website is great! I was recommended by jocelyn. I am Jamaican who is afrochinese and actuallly i think its great you have found a life in china. Actually reading about your desire to live in china reminded me of myself so much. I feel like i have the same calling. I hope i can find someone in the future who loves chinese culture as much as i do in the future and have had the same experiences your and inspiration 🙂

    1. Thank you so much for visiting my website. I honestly believe in following your heart. In this life you only have about 80 or so years if your lucky… so you should live life to the fulliest. I am sure there is someone out there that matches you heartbeat to heartbeat, and that is waiting for you …. you just have to take that steps to find them. Thank you again.. and if you ever get discouraged.. shoot me an email and I will get you back on track… be blessed.

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